Adult Life after a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI)

I was touched by your comment that you struggle everyday with the thought of what you used to be like. I do the same. It is like the loss of a good friend. I can feel myself moving thru a process of loss and grieving. And even still disbelief. I work with intention to let go of that attachment to my lost self, the best reminder is when I can just feel the geatfulness of being still alive. I don't know why I am here, but I am greatful to have enough life to figure this new life out. I suffer the loss of my "previous" brain, but find some joy and good energy in the challenge of the "new." That is the past me. I was ALWAYS like that. Insatiably curious. I appreciate all of you so much.

Thank you so much.

Grief for what you have lost is a very good point, @treyaj. I'm sure that others share that feeling.

We have a discussion group on Connect titled, Grief and Loss: How Are You Doing? While the majority of the people in that group are discussing losses due to death I think your comment about loss that comes from health challenges is also significant.

Here is the link to that discussion, https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/loss-and-grief-how-are-you-doing/. If you are comfortable doing so, please post about this loss. I'm sure others will do so as well.

I'm glad that you said that "but I am grateful to have enough life to figure this new life out. I suffer the loss of my "previous" brain, but find some joy and good energy in the challenge of the "new." This is important for everyone who has experienced a loss of some type.

I have to say "WOW", I have found someone I can truly relate to without someone calling me crazy. My experience started 2 1/2 years ago. I was helping my husband and friend unload a trailer full of split wood, and my husband threw one and I raised up at the same time, and the wood hit my right temple.
Now I get angry over stupid things, and I have no energy to do anything. My family would say I have done or said things that I truly don't remember, so now I sit in my own corner, and only try to speak when needed because I'm scared of the outburst of anger and not knowing the cause.
I went to counseling and they put me on medicine, but all the medicine did was make my symptoms worse, so I told the doctors I was taking any more of them. I'm trying to go back to school, (online) to see if staying to one thing while others here at home take care of everything will help. My husband tells me he understands why I'm ignoring everything and everyone and he wishes he could help, but he also has issues also with a shunt in his head that is changing his personality, which doctors tell us it's all in our heads and nothing is wrong with us and we all just want to have something to complain about.
So I stopped talking to the doctors, and pray every night for my symptoms to get better, as well for my husband to get the help he deserves.

Thank you again for this post, I know it wasn't easy for you to post this. It helped me and left me to know I'm not alone.

Hello @david33 and thank you for joining in this discussion. I am so sorry to hear of your accident when you were hit by the wood. It sounds as if you have some problems related to this accident. Were you examined and treated for a TBI after your accident with an MRI or scan?

It sounds as if you could use some help with physical, occupational therapy at the very least. I encourage you to see a neurologist and get examined and treated. As you have read from these other discussions, there are treatments that help. You don't have to go this alone.

That is wonderful that you are able to take some online classes. Learning new things can be invigorating. Are you enjoying the classes?

@treyaj @david33 Because of my profession and past life experiments, I can reassure you that we are not alone and so many people need help.

I have had 14 loss-of-conscious concussions throughout my active life, 6 of which occurred during my senior year in college over a five month period. I have experienced most every symptom associated with TBIs except balance issues (uncontrollable rage, lack of focus, headaches, memory loss, light sensitivity, anxiety, ringing in ears, depression, etc).

It took about four years of experiencing issues before I reached out for any help. My first experience with the medical profession was not what I had hoped but in all fairness I did not follow up on their advice. I was just asked recently why I have not sought follow up care and I could not explain it to someone who has not experienced the inability to get out of bed, flash-rage towards everything and everyone.,,simply “white-knuckling” every second of the day. The associated shame, guilt and fear are overwhelming and effect every aspect of my life.

I am still here today because of:
Faith-Medication-Faith.

My faith kept me alive until I was able to get on the right medication. The medication put me in a place where I could begin to heal. My faith is changing my rage into love and my other sysmptoms seem to be fading.

I believe you can only heal to the level of what you believe in. If you believe in yourself, you will only heal to the level you believe you can. This is where I think the medical profession fails.

Whatever you believe in, grasp onto it and live it...eliminate the battles in your brain. I believe the fancy medical name of it is congestive dissonance.

BTW- if a doctor tells you “it is only in your mind”, run. He/she can’t help you. Just my POV.

It is hard for others to understand how it is that one simply cannot do what might seem like an unchallenging task but seems insurmountable to a TBI person. I was elected to an office last year in a women's charity group and found that I could not go to the meetings or fulfill my duties. That would have been unthinkable before my accident. I felt such guilt and shame but just could not do what was expected of me. I still do not know why that happened.

Your post is so true, @lakelifelady. There can be a lot of guilt and shame connected with losing abilities whether they are physical abilities or cognitive abilities. It takes a lot of courage to face up to there challenges and realize that you are not defined by your impairments.

I have been following your posts with interest and often find myself saying exactly right ! My original Tbi was about 11 years ago and have had two freak accidents since which have brought the pain and symptoms of the first tbi back and more. My latest tbi was in August of this year. I find it challenging to access my level of functioning. I think I am so much better and feel great about it then a task will emerge that I simply cannot do and I am brought back to a new limitation or reemergence of an old one. I have a bucket list, got tickets to a concert that was on my bucket list and then forced with the difficulty of being around noise realized two weeks before i simply could not go. Limitations have caused embarrassment and frustration when people like a transit clerk cannot understand why I cannot buy a ticket and yells at me for it. I am in my sixties and of course if I could do it I would. Stress really causes my cognitive function to go down. I have bad migraines, fibromyalgia, neuropathy and balance issues which I have been told are connected to the neurological impact of the tbi. Together they make daily living a challenge. It would be easy to spend all my days resting which I did for several years. The pain can be brutal. I find a hour of brain challenging games or puzzles each day really helps my level of functioning. It really has made a positive impact over the past two years that I have been doing them. Faith as someone mentioned earlier is such help in reaching some level of acceptance and peace with my condition. This site is such an inspiration and helps me feel like I am not going crazy and there are people who get it in a way that nobody else can. Look forward to hear more from fellow travelers.

@kdubois Hi Kelly. Could you help me with the doctors you saw that got you on the right track. I have had a tumor removed as well and am experiencing the same post op symptoms. I’m trying to get on the right track.