Dealing With Husband’s Anger

Does he need some calming meds?

@judimahoney I’m not sure yet, he’s been so sweet and docile until now. At least with me. He yells at the TV at times (when the news is bad), but usually he’s pretty even keeled. Maybe he’s just having a bad day but I hate how it makes me feel. (Sorry if that seems selfish.)

I've seen a neighbor lose it. He was close to 90 and we knew he needed medical attention for a few things but it wasn't until he became violent with his wife that required calling in authorities. The violence here came quickly. She wasn't hurt badly thank God. He had been in positions of responsibility in the community and was very highly respected. It happens all the time, so sad. He passed away a couple years later. His wife lived to well over a hundred. She went blind and outlived her money. Her son and daughter in law died in their 60's after lengthy illnesses. Sorry for this story but don't wait too long with that anger.

@blisst
Not selfish. You have the right to have emotions. Worse if you stuff those emotions down. Feel all your feels as younger folks say. 🤗

blisst, you are wonderful.

@blisst The confusing world of cognitive impairment and what it does to change their personality, so suddenly. Every day can be an emotional roller coaster. I think the best you can do with your husband's personality triggers and/or confusion is to just stay calm, give him space, and in this case, don't stretch the truth, that he had the mask longer, where you give in. Why should you have to do that? He's just not going to remember anyway, and you're going to feel more beat up over it as he continues to berate you. He's obviously frustrated and therefore, angry about it. I don't know if you can do something to distract him, turn the music on, something calm, and just give him space. Perhaps, he has a memory book, or something you can lay down in front of him that will distract him while you walk away. Obviously, if he gets physical in any way, a trip to the doctor's is in order.
Best, Karla

@blisst, Please, don't blame yourself, there is no need to feel selfish for feeling threatened. Contact your primary health care provider, your husband may be suffering pain or some physical ailment that he is not able to vocalize. If possible change the subject, leave the room - as you already understand, do not argue the point or even attempt reasoning with him.
It may be a phase that he is experiencing which he has no control over. My wife went through this phase in her travel through this minefield of dementia. It didn't last long, then came another phase, then another.
A book that I depended on to assist in getting through all of this was "The Thirty Six Hour Day". You might try getting it, or one of the other books, that have been recommended by other members of the Mayo Connect. You might also try the Alzheimer's hotline for some immediate advice and support.
All the best to you, stay safe, take care of yourself.

I wonder if SSRIs or a mood stabilizer would help.

Geez. What an unreasonable grump. My MCI husband has spells like this now and then, too. Within a couple of days he apologizes. Usually. I keep trying to remember that it's not Jim, it's the MCI. Helps a little. It's a rough row we're hoeing, isn't it? I'm thinking I might just turn and walk away when he gets rude - yep!

I think I heard its better to live "in their world" if at all possible...less tension for both of you.