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Anniversary of my traumatic brain injury (brain day)
Oct. 18, 2023 will be the 20th year anniversary of my traumatic brain injury. Not saying that recovery has been a piece of cake, in fact the first year was everything except a piece cake. What I'm saying, is that recovery is an ongoing process.
On Oct. 18, 2003, when cleaning the gutters on my house, I fell off the ladder and spent the first month at HCMC, in a medically induced coma after a craniotomy surgery to reduce swelling in my brain. Second and third month were in two different hospitals to see how much therapy I may need. I don't remember anything about the first month, almost nothing about month two, I can kinda remember a little about month 3, but it's foggy.
On my 4th month (January 2004) I was discharged for the hospital and sent back home and started out-patient occupational & speech therapy at Courage Kenny. On my birthday in February 2004, I went back to HCMC and the doctors placed my bone back on my skull. In May 2004, I passed the driver assessment test and, without needing a volunteer driver, I began to try to restart my pre-injury job. Because of daily therapy sessions, I was only able to work 4 hours a week. I was able to reschedule therapy to afternoons sessions, 3 days instead of 5 days a week, and was able to add more hours at work if I felt ok after a good night sleep. 4 hours became 12 hrs, then 16 hrs, 20, 28 then 32 hours. Thankfully, the library I worked at, gave me all the time I needed. On October 1, 2004, I was able to stop therapy and started working full-time. Because of aphasia, and short-term memory, it wasn't exactly my pre-injury job, but close enough.
7 years later (2010) thinking there must be a reason I felt better than what the doctors told me, and my family, that "recovery is just a 1-2 year recovery process, what you get is all you get". I proved them wrong. I was still gaining. I found that the Mn. Brain Injury Alliance has a speaker bureau and became a member. Discovered that Courage Kenny had a brain injury support group. Went to a meeting, and thought why didn't I know about this group before, especially during my first year. Not only did I become a member, I am now a facilitator for the group as well.
Am I at 100% of the "old" me? Nope, I think I'm at 90-95%, and I can live like that: I still have short-term memory issues; aphasia comes & goes, especially when talking too fast or talking with multiple people at the same time; PTSD, depending on tasks being done (don't ask me to get on a ladder). All three of those "side effect" are the gifts that keeps on giving,
As long as I refuse to let my injury define me, as long as I keep moving forward, I will keep on recovering. People/sounds/lights could be a problem; going to grocery or department stores, sporting or musical events is always a gamble; when going into a restaurant, I look for and then ask, to sit at a table where I think I would be comfortable. This document has taken me 3 days to finish, because it takes a lot time to write, proofread, edit, proofread, rewrite, revise, and repeat. Moving foward means not letting myself be boxed in.
Regardless of how your injury happened, and find yourself, like I did, into a future you never planned or believed would happen, "we" need to stand up to face the world. Let time be a friend, measure your recovery as gains won not losses. Perhaps most importantly, refuse to let your injury define yourself. Let only yourself define who you are.
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Congratulations! My moderate TBI was 30 years ago. Most of the recovery was in the first 1.5 years, but overall it took 8-10 years to get to +90%. I have a bit of left temporal lobe aphasia, but I was able to write my PhD dissertation the first year (can't remember profs names tho). Emotionally I'm good (basal frontal lobe) but getting used to emotions close to the surface was an improvement over my Mr. Spock geekdom. One learns a lot about how the brain works (and not). Recovery takes a lot of work and never stops, but that is also true of life experiences without the trauma.
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1 ReactionI can relate. I’m sorry about your injury.
I’m 8 years in and still have many post concussion issues: tinnitus, eyes are tracking or working well, low energy, noise issues, over stimuli issues, balance and stamina issues. But…I am better than I was.
However, I’m going to Chicago (first flight in 8 years) to see Dr. Deborah Zelinsky in November. She owns the Mind Eye clinic. I’ve heard great things about her process.
My Best to You.
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2 ReactionsLove your post. 5/7/24 was my 10 year anniversary from bacterial meningitis of my brain access left temporal lobe craniotomy done in medically induced coma was septic in multi organ failure. Emerged from this with risk of seizures. My brain healed so that my eeg shows a breach rhythm which is abnormal but non epileptic. I remain on lamotrigine. I was on a vent could not walk or talk. Today I walk talk drive got married again and left my home state. I have 2 dogs who are my documented ESAs. Am I the same. No not at all. The old me is gone. I had a lot of psychotherapy plus medical care so I could understand the root causes of this. I do get very disturbed by the mainstream media and news and refuse to engage in talks about it but I would listen with respect if someone brought it up. Thus was a life altering experience for me in a good way.
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2 ReactionsOn 9/13/2022 I was walking to class, got hit by a car, and had emergency brain surgery to repair brain bleeds, a fractured skull, and a ruptured ear drum. Every anniversary of this event, I make sure to take off work and be with family and/or my boyfriend who was with me when I was hit. This year, my family is all out of town and I am recently single, so it is the first year I will not have them around. The feelings of anxiety and impending doom are overtaking my mind. I don't know how to cope with it without their support. Any advice on how to cope with such traumatic events? I plan to spend time with my cat and hopefully will see my friend for Sunday football. I am just feeling lost and lonely. Any advice would be appreciated.
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2 Reactions@jrolando - I wanted to let you know I moved your post here where you could connect with others who are talking about the anniversary of their traumatic brain injuries. I can't even imagine - I had a concussion for a month after falling on ice on a winter walk - but being hit by a car going to class is a very significant incident. I can see how having support on the anniversary of this date is important to you.
Fellow members here @mdk1960 @lisa24 @kayabbott @ricj may have some ideas for you on how to cope with this traumatic event and feelings of anxiety and impending doom.
One thing that came home to me when I was in college and my 2-year boyfriend and I broke up, was that I really had not kept up my relationships with my girlfriends or anyone not directly related to my boyfriend. This left me more lonely than I would have expected and determined to work on my girl friendships in the future. During your 5-year relationship, have you kept up with any friends you might invite to coffee, or join you on a walk or a meal, to keep you company even before Sunday?
@lisalucier Hi, thanks for connecting me to a relatable group, I appreciate you. I do have some good friends I kept throughout my relationship. I'm spending Saturday night with one and Sunday (hopefully) with another. They've been a real support thru the breakup among other things I experienced the passed 2 months, but I rarely talk about my TBI. It's nice to be in loving company, I just wish I didn't always feel this type of way around the anniversary. It's hard to move forward.
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2 Reactions@jrolando My moderate TBI was 33 years ago; it hit my word finding (left temporal) and basal frontal (emotional) mostly. Being alone is hard, particularly when one has dealt with such an isolating injury. Do you have a bucket list of things that you would like to do, even by yourself? Every night I try to think of something to look forward to every day (I'm 72 and have other health issues). Even having a list of things you can do going forward to mitigate the feeling lonely on this day. Many of my friends bailed on me when I got celiac disease 17 years ago (gluten), so I filled in the friend blank spaces with volunteering and group activities such as hiking and hobbies. It is important to replace the day with good memories.
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2 Reactions@kayabbott Creating a solo bucket list is a great idea. Sorry to hear you lost some frineds because of your celiac diagnosis, that's not fair 🙁 I was recently diagnosed with gluten intolerance so that's been a journey in itself. Going on walks or finding cute coffee shops or going to Goodwill are always my go-to solo activities. Sometimes it's just easier being alone with my cat than feeling like a burden to my loved ones, but sometimes it's the complete opposite. Thanks for replying, I will continue to do my best to make days happier.
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2 Reactions@jrolando All friends are friends in places. Findmeglutenfree is a good app/link for safe places to eat. After head injuries we tend to focus on what we have lost, or feel has been lessened. Consider writing what you have, your strengths, and positives that your are. Head injuries hit us emotionally and physically, but we also learn useful things from them.
BTW, when I get glutened it hits me emotionally, feeling down for a few days, along with GI problems, joint and muscle aches, and skin rashes. Try going completely GF for several weeks and see how that impacts you (read all ingredient lists for wheat, rye, barley, and malt). If you cook, The Loopy Whisk and other sites have a lot of easy and healthy GF recipes.
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1 Reaction@kayabbott Thanks for the suggestion! Gluten also affects me very negatively, physically and emotionally. It's still difficult to avoid when I'm out in public but I do a lot of cooking and that's a lot easier because I know exactly what I'm using and eating. I will have to check out The Loopy Whisk!
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