Aging from a useful man to something considerably less

Posted by twday67 @twday67, Sep 1 9:21am

For the first 70 years of my life, I made my living and earned my place being useful. I have been fixing, building, and designing everything from salvaged homes to consumer electronic products since I was 17. As an electronics engineer, I have been a designer, a manufacturing engineer, a manufacturing and customer service manager, a field clinical engineer (in medical devices), and a reliability assurance engineer. Along the way as my family's single income source, I have bought and upgraded five houses. I did almost all of the repairs to our family vehicles, my own motorcycles, and pretty much any piece of equipment related to work or home.

Since passing 70, my ability to do all or any of those things is rapidly in decline. About the only car repairs I do now is oil changes. Due to myasthenia gravis and vision issues, I sold my last motorcycle 2 years ago and, after 60 years on two wheels, I'm down to an occasional local ride on an e-bike. So far, I have been able to do all the repair work on my e-bikes. 😉 I have had an electronic shop in a garage or room of our homes for more than 50 years, but early this summer I started selling and giving away those tools and parts.

Between my job and chores and hobbies, doing stuff has been core to my self-identity. The stuff that I can do is rapidly shrinking and, with it, goes a good bit of who I have always thought I am. I know there have to be a lot of people in the same situation and I would love to know how you have handled it.m

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Aging Well Support Group.

Your situation sounds so much like my husband's. He is still able to do woodworking, which is a hobby he started several years ago. His mind is always going - thinking, planning. I have to start putting restrictions on what he can do - no more ladders, etc. He is starting to understand he is not indestructible. He has rheumatoid arthritis, which is making everyday things more difficult and painful. It breaks my heart to see his decline, but it is just the way of life (he is 71). As long as he stays busy with his hobbies, and keeps his mind busy, he is happy. I wish I was more like him.....

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@doccharlie I'm not sure I understand the purpose of the ChatGPT part? Any technician, engineer, or scientist worth listening to has been writing reports and analysis their entire career. I suspect that, for most of us, submitting our stories to AI manipulation and dumbing down would be an insult. Otherwise, I think you have a pretty good idea.

When I retired and we moved to the small Minnesota town I had some wild hopes that I might be able to make contributions to the local education system, volunteer to organizations here, and keep making the kinds of contributions I had made through work. Rural Minnesota, like rural everywhere, is proud of its ignorance and desperate to disprove its total reliance on urban areas for financial support and infrastructure. So, rural decline will continue on an accelerated basis. And I am trying to convince my wife we need to move to a more urban area before our property values here collapse entirely. Just looking at the opportunities to make the kind of contribution you are suggesting back in the Twin Cities, which we might not be able to afford, or in Rochester, which is very affordable, is making my palms itch

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Profile picture for pkg @pkg

@twday67
Have seen other posts about similar gutter worries.
Why dont you guys get some sort of
"Gutter Guard" system?
I recently installed about 180' of it on my gutters.
Very easy to install by myself.
I bought mine at Home Depot and its a quality product.
No more gutter cleaning for me.
Now I can spend more time and have more fun cutting trees down that I want out of my way.
By the way I just turned 78 last July.

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@pkg Thanks for the suggestion. In our location, the fir needles just go through the gutter guard. After a full year, I'd have to lift the gutter guards, or remove them, and then do the job anyway. The local HD sells the product, but I know of nobody in the Valley who has the product because those who have tried them say they don't stop the pine, fir, and spruce needles from finding their way down through those slits.

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Profile picture for mikead63 @mikead63

As my ex mother in law would say in her later years, "Old age is not for the faint of heart!" I sympathize with those who are aging alone having lost their spouse. I can't imagine what that would be like.
My father died of lung cancer at 77 and my mother died of, "old age" according to her doctor who put that on her death certificate. She was 97. They were very much in love and it was very difficult for my mother when my father died. Those 20+ years after my father died my Mom was never alone.
She sold the house and moved into a, as she called it, "Senior High Rise"! She, almost immediately, became the "Mayor" of the manor!
She organized day trips to the casinos; bowling teams and leagues, weekly swimming at the local municipal indoor pool; card games; birthday parties for everyone in the building; weekly outings to local restaurants; and, on and on! Residents that never left their rooms became active again. If they didn't, she would discover what they missed or what they enjoyed and got them involved. A silent building became a fun-house! Her mantra was "you're not dead until you are so, let's have some fun!"
I'm 80 in December and a physician told me when I was diagnosed with some aggressive cancer this year: "Men are living on the average until 82. You've got some years left!"
I thought about what he just said and I wanted to tell him what my Mom would have told him, "You're no longer my doctor, you're fired and don't let the door hit you on the way out!" She also would have added a few, as we call, "swear words" into that comment!
P.S. My aggressive cancer was taken care of by an excellent Mayo physician a few weeks ago and I plan to live until at least 98! Gotta beat Mom's 97!

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@mikead63 bless her for giving people a reason for tomorrow.

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Profile picture for gloaming @gloaming

@pkg Thanks for the suggestion. In our location, the fir needles just go through the gutter guard. After a full year, I'd have to lift the gutter guards, or remove them, and then do the job anyway. The local HD sells the product, but I know of nobody in the Valley who has the product because those who have tried them say they don't stop the pine, fir, and spruce needles from finding their way down through those slits.

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@gloaming Hi,
when I installed the leaf guards I overlapped each piece an inch or so.
When you butt them end to end it does leave a slit.
Im thinking thats must be the slit you mentioned?
The leaf guard does has a pretty small screen but I can see where the fir needles might end up sticking up.

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Profile picture for twday67 @twday67

@doccharlie I'm not sure I understand the purpose of the ChatGPT part? Any technician, engineer, or scientist worth listening to has been writing reports and analysis their entire career. I suspect that, for most of us, submitting our stories to AI manipulation and dumbing down would be an insult. Otherwise, I think you have a pretty good idea.

When I retired and we moved to the small Minnesota town I had some wild hopes that I might be able to make contributions to the local education system, volunteer to organizations here, and keep making the kinds of contributions I had made through work. Rural Minnesota, like rural everywhere, is proud of its ignorance and desperate to disprove its total reliance on urban areas for financial support and infrastructure. So, rural decline will continue on an accelerated basis. And I am trying to convince my wife we need to move to a more urban area before our property values here collapse entirely. Just looking at the opportunities to make the kind of contribution you are suggesting back in the Twin Cities, which we might not be able to afford, or in Rochester, which is very affordable, is making my palms itch

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@twday67 Thanks for your reply. Having been an R&D manager at Bell Labs and then Kodak for 25 years, I have found that most researchers are very poor at explaining their work to even the sponsors of that work let alone to the general public. In the on-the-job training I learned how to do an elevator talk to the Verizon CEO ( making my point in the time it takes the elevator to get to the top floor). We need to be able to convince a significant element of the general public that R&D is important and why. We need for more of the public to be outraged when 60% of the Phds that have been inventing their future are foreign born and heading back to their home countries. Most people don't understand how this will affect the lives of their children and grandchildren until it is too late. ChatGPT is capable of taking the same data and creating stories aimed at different constituencies without lying or stretching the truth or inventing facts and data that don't exist. In a way it gives us nerds the same communication tools that politicians pay mega millions for.

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That is definitely a different perspective from my own. I struggled with stuttering for almost my whole life, almost all the way to retirement. To get around that problem, I learned to anticipate what people were going to say, well into the conversation yet to come, and plan and practice in my head what my responses would be. I worked with CEOs from a half dozen different large corporations and I have never been in the room with one who surprised me with their response, questions, or insights. Their minds were as predictable as most Hollywood plots. So, based on what I've seen from AI "creativity," I suspect what you were describing is what many of us would just call "dumbing it down."

The last 13 years of my career, I ran three very different one-man consulting businesses and taught technology classes at a music college. I felt more than prepared for the consulting jobs, but standing in front of a dozen to a hundred young college students, presenting a coherent lecture on a variety of technology subjects, and fielding questions scared the crap out of me. Almost from day one, I discovered that, unlike corporate executives, I could never predict what a kid was going to say or ask. I kind of wish I had video recordings of my first year's classes. But what I learned in that first year was that kids didn't care about the stuttering, they only cared about the answers. The answers didn't have to be put in terms simple enough for a CEO to understand and I didn't have to worry about offending them by assuming they didn't know much about the subject. I really feel lucky for having stumbled into that amazing experience.

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Profile picture for doccharlie @doccharlie

@twday67 Thanks for your reply. Having been an R&D manager at Bell Labs and then Kodak for 25 years, I have found that most researchers are very poor at explaining their work to even the sponsors of that work let alone to the general public. In the on-the-job training I learned how to do an elevator talk to the Verizon CEO ( making my point in the time it takes the elevator to get to the top floor). We need to be able to convince a significant element of the general public that R&D is important and why. We need for more of the public to be outraged when 60% of the Phds that have been inventing their future are foreign born and heading back to their home countries. Most people don't understand how this will affect the lives of their children and grandchildren until it is too late. ChatGPT is capable of taking the same data and creating stories aimed at different constituencies without lying or stretching the truth or inventing facts and data that don't exist. In a way it gives us nerds the same communication tools that politicians pay mega millions for.

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@doccharlie sorry, I got distracted by a side issue there. To your point, I totally agree but research and technology is getting an incredibly short end of the stick in this country and, if we find a way to recover from that, it will take several generations and we will be way behind the curve then. I just read an article about all of the top academic scientists who have been poached from US universities by Canadian research companies, universities, and companies. These were, for the most part, scientists who had been DOGE'd and felt that they were more appreciated in Canada (and a lot more highly paid). It's like that don't just take active scientists out of the mix, they degrade the quality of the education that incoming scientist will receive.

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Profile picture for doccharlie @doccharlie

@twday67 Thanks for your reply. Having been an R&D manager at Bell Labs and then Kodak for 25 years, I have found that most researchers are very poor at explaining their work to even the sponsors of that work let alone to the general public. In the on-the-job training I learned how to do an elevator talk to the Verizon CEO ( making my point in the time it takes the elevator to get to the top floor). We need to be able to convince a significant element of the general public that R&D is important and why. We need for more of the public to be outraged when 60% of the Phds that have been inventing their future are foreign born and heading back to their home countries. Most people don't understand how this will affect the lives of their children and grandchildren until it is too late. ChatGPT is capable of taking the same data and creating stories aimed at different constituencies without lying or stretching the truth or inventing facts and data that don't exist. In a way it gives us nerds the same communication tools that politicians pay mega millions for.

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@doccharlie
I don't understand why I should be outraged by PhD's returning to their home country.

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You have always been very resourceful and I see that it hurts when that changes, no question…I’m willing to bet that you will seek and find new outlets for fulfillment…..as a now retired performer, i had to do that, and Covid gave me a head start on arranging and editing music…remaining open to any possibility that comes with each day is key for me…even the simplest things matter….wishing you a renewed sense of purpose and new joys in your life, even with the physical challenges.

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