Aging from a useful man to something considerably less

Twday, I have not had any degree of loss comparable to yours, nor did I ever have your degree of competency and success, so I don't have great examples of personal adjustment to offer. Perhaps I can offer a few light generalities.
I'm learning to respect my body's new limits. Halfway to the barn this morning I had to put down the stack of boards and make two trips where I'd expected to make one. I've had to learn to respect someone else's way to do a job. I'm learning teamwork and to just be a helper in situations where I would have been in charge. Actually it can be fun to see that other people can also get things done.
The things I can do are precious. I'm learning to rest when my energy is drooping, not to push through. I'll enjoy the rest and I'll enjoy the work when I return in better form.
I still struggle accept my lesser productivity, and that leads to a new approach to life. Being proud of my productivity was a way to avoid deeper thoughts about life. It gave me something I could measure every day and chart my "progress."
Hmm. You're a designer at heart, and you still have that capacity. Maybe you could design a new curriculum for yourself, discover a new purpose, or even find a way to live happily without purpose. How's that for a challenge?

Ed, thanks for the thoughts. Pretty early in this cycle of decay, I returned to one of my original loves: music. As I was becoming an engineer I realize that I was never going to be much of a musician and I "put away that toy." Almost by accident, I stumbled into the opportunity to teach technology classes at a music school 25 years ago and the last 13 years of my career, that's what I did. And that exposed me, again, to some pretty spectacular musicians who are also amazingly tolerant of my mediocre skills. That has certainly been distracting and a good thing.

Still, I am being astounded on at least a weekly basis at the things I can no longer do. Very similar to your example with carrying boards. I have managed to shift difficult car repairs to a local repair shop that I trust, although I am still pretty much in the "trust but verify" phase. I am rapidly having to come to terms with the fact that I'm becoming unable to maintain our third acre, on a hillside, yard and I have yet to find someone to take that off of my hands. (I'm probably going to try a robotic lawn mower before I spend any more time with lawn services)

Acceptance of reality. I have always been a go-getter, fit, outdoorsy, a builder (unskilled, but I do stuff like erect an observatory, mount telescopes and align them to the celestial pole, and use those scopes), built several model railroads, went whole hog on classical music and an extensive CD collection years ago (what's a CD?!?), fished, hiked, still sing in a choral society.... Things do get harder. I live in a house with adjacent firs and a cypress tree, each of which drops prodigious amounts of needles and cones onto my lawn and rooftop. Without a word of a lie, between now (September) and next March, I will have to get an 8' ladder and get onto our roof and clear out the 120' of gutters at least once a month. This is in the cold, wet, and wind of the PNW, on Vancouver Island. If I don't do this, the gutters will clog their downspouts and the water, also prodigious in quantity and volume, will simply run over them and onto the ground, wetting our shake siding and rotting them years before they should need to be replaced.

This gets more and more daunting. My body doesn't bend or contort like it used to, my grip isn't what it used to be, my balance....don't get me started on my balance, and it's the main reason why I know I'll need to pay someone ere long to get those gutters cleared....monthly.

This is just stark reality. Each of us will have a bill slipped under our door, due at the end of that day. There's no escape. The most responsible among us take note, take pains, prepare, and then hang on for the ride, white knuckled tho' it may be.

Learn to let go before you lose your grip. Losing your grip is a recipe for a bad end.

I can completely relate to this as a 67 year old man who went from working 12 hour days 6 days a week at times to hardly having any physical stamina, or even the ability to stand or walk for any length of time now. I worked a very physical job driving a truck and making deliveries for over 35 years before my body started breaking down on me. By the time I was 56 I couldn't do my job any more and had to "retire". This meant having to sell our home and move in with our son and his family for 2 years.
My physical condition has deteriorated even more in the past 11 years, to the point of me being almost useless around the house now. My wife does the majority of the yard work, while I can only sit and watch. Luckily we live in a 55+community, so the yards are mowed and edged for us, but it still makes me angry that she's taken on everything else. I was the family go to for anything big or heavy that needed to be done for decades, now I'm the family fossil that's not capable of much of anything any more.

I sometimes don’t get out of bed until the afternoon. There’s nothing I wish to do because I can’t do what I really want to do. So I just sleep. I have several medical issues in including chronic pain from inoperable spine degeneration and just diagnosed with breast cancer.
I’m only 72 and because I was always so fit I just can’t accept my limitations. The breast cancer has been removed and it was so small I don’t need chemo, thank goodness. But now I live with the specter of it returning.
I am not able to see the glass half full despite having so much to be thankful for. I’m on three different antidepressants and they barely touch the sadness. I just feel blindsided by my health problems at such a young age. I say young because my grandparents and parents lived well into their 90’s. I can’t imagine living like this for another 20 years.

I would just like to say that I admire all of you men who did so well at taking the responsibility of supporting yourselves and your families. Neither of my two husbands came even close to what you all have done. They basically expected me to support them. I tried, but I was never very good at it. Even though you are going through the trials of "old age", you should all be proud of what you have done for your families and yourselves. Now is the time to slow down, rest and find other interests like some of you have already. But never stop being proud of what you have accomplished in the past.

Not to diminish one’s skills and talents, but I love a man who makes me laugh, enjoys listening to music, exercises within reason at the gym, is well read, and treats his family and friends well. There are multiple ways to demonstrate meaning and purpose in your life. I guess it’s easy for me to say since I haven’t retired. I think about it occasionally, though.

I wish I had an answer to how one can accept the diminishing physical abilities of old age. I find myself getting angry and disappointed in myself as I lose strength and stamina. Next month I will turn 82, but my Mom lived to 95, and was active up until her last couple of years. I was more active than she as a younger person, but it seems that was a hindrance rather than a help. Mom was always pretty gentle with herself, while I pushed myself to exercise, eat right, stay active, etc, etc. I sometimes wonder if all the advice we receive is really helpful, or if we would be better off taking it easier when we're younger. By the way, thank you EdSutton for all your useful comments on this site. I strive to get to this point that you mentioned..... "find a way to live happily without purpose. How's that for a challenge?" Yes, it's a huge challenge! 🙂

@gloaming Obviously I am pretty confused and useless when it comes to most of accommodating lost capacity. And I only have about 50' of gutters to deal with, but they are 8-12' above the ground.

Last year I decided climbing up on the roof to scrape the gutters clear or balancing on the top of a ladder and pushing the junk out bare handed wasn't a good way to enter the fall mobile and unbroken. So, I bought about 8 ft of the lightest weight, then it's wall, PVC pipe I could find, added a couple of 90° couplings to make 180° bend to the end of it, attached the pipe to my leaf blower, and blasted all of the leaf and pine litter out of my gutters without having to do anything dangerous. I don't think they have ever been cleaner. And it took me about a half hour to do the whole job. Maybe that will be useful to you?

@jwcarroll54 My father had his first bout with cancer in his late sixties and chemotherapy caused his eyes to hemorrhage so he spent the next 20 years of his life essentially blind. He followed that with a heart attack when he was about 70 and myasthenia gravis before he turned 75. He lived to 91, but his last 20 years were awful.