Are these symptoms to be concerned about?

That sounds very concerning for his safety (as well as yours and the public), regarding his driving. Living with someone experiencing cognitive changes that occur sporadically gives us false reassurance that things are not that bad. I would encourage you to talk to your husband about your concerns and recommend that he see his healthcare provider ASAP. I imagine you may get pushback from him, but you may regret it in the future. I am a retired healthcare provider who has seen this exact scenario frequently. Your husband may be more amenable to seeing his healthcare provider now since he realizes he is having difficulties. If his symptoms worsen, he may not realize this and refuse a visit. I am sure this is very stressful to you, and I wish you the best.

@jayhart

Thank you. I sometimes think I’m over reacting, but it’s a constant nagging feeling of worry. I keep waiting for some defining moment to happen that will make the situation clear to both of us.

@juliemurphy, I know how you feel, but be assured, you are not overreacting. The decline in his driving performance could cause a tragedy in your family or someone else's.

@jayhart
I definitely agree with you.

@juliemurphy You are definitely not overreacting. What you witnessed while he was driving is very alarming. If your husband pushes back, could you contact his doctor directly?

@juliemurphy What you are witnessing isn't normal at all, and I agree with the following posts, get your husband in for an assessment. What you described is similar to the things I noticed when I finally contacted my husband's primary care (I have the same one) through his portal to tell her what was going on, and suggest he be seen. First of all, anything driving related is really serious. Forgetting what the brake is for. Turning the car off while driving. A foot on the brake and on the gas pedal, all things that are so extremely dangerous, especially for someone that is losing their cognitive abilities. I think one of the hardest and trickiest things about memory loss, is recognizing when something is "one off" and not doing anything about it. Regardless, if the things he is doing are spread out - that's how this disease works - losing phones, forgetting to send texts, misplacing things, having difficulty in the car driving, and forgetting what the "brake is for." All of it, reinforces there could be a problem. Have him seen by a primary care so you can get him the early help he needs if he is diagnosed with MCI, Alzheimers. My husband was diagnosed last year, with MCI, and is on lequembe infusions to slow the progression down. Trust your gut. The fact that he told you he worries about memory loss because of his father.....you know when something is "one off" and it sounds like he does too.
Best, Karla

Hi @juliemurphy
Welcome to the long and winding road, and we don't know where this road is taking us and where we'll end up.
Just a suggestion to start taking anecdotal notes regarding your husband's behaviors that are outside of his norm. These can be summarized annually and shared with any medical professional that may benefit from hearing about his changes. These are clues they use to help diagnose what issue your spouse has. For example, my husband's Neuropsychologist asked if my husband had hallucinations and we responded no, so that removed some of the possible diagnoses. You should also get referred for Neuropsych testing, it's very comprehensive and will help with the diagnosis. Also suggest you join support groups; I'm in three! The Alzheimers Association 24/7 hotline can help you find a group and perhaps there's one through your medical facility. The Alzheimers Association deals with all forms of dementia, not just Alzheimers. I attended one of their free mini conferences in our small town, and they offer free, online classes for caregivers that are so helpful. Teepa Snow videos on YouTube are extremely helpful.
So basically tap into your resources and lean on family and friends. You will need all the support you can get, and trust yourself. You live with your spouse and notice things others do not.
We'll also be here for you. Take care. 🌹

P.S., alarm bells ringing about his driving; that has to stop and yes he will be mad. I hated the day I had to take the keys away from my husband but he nearly killed us and another driver. Shut it down before there's a tragic accident; he's proven to you he can't manage this skill safely any more. Have his doctor do it so you're not the bad guy. Alternately, you can send an anonymous letter to the DMV regarding your concerns and they'll send him a letter stating he needs to come in for a physical driving test to assess his skills on the road. Please, please do this ASAP. 🙏

I completely agree with all the previous comments regarding your husband's driving and other behaviors. He absolutely needs an assessment and needs it asap. Thank you for sharing, I'm sure it was very difficult for you to verbalize all of that. But we all get it. Because we've all been there. I started noticing my husband's decline about 3 years ago and yes it's very gradual which is confusing for us. Cuz sometimes everything's fine and then all of a sudden it's not. Get that assessment and the suggestions regarding driving in the DMV is a good one! I really feel for you, we all do. Take good care and keep leaning on us we are here to help.

@juliemurphy Like others have posted, I am greatly concerned about your husband continuing to drive. I have been there as a lot of us posting here have. When my husband's driving began to scare me because he was having minor accidents, coming home with the passenger side mirror missing and not knowing where it went, I told him that his driving was very concerning to me and that because I love him and because we are a team, I would drive him anywhere he wanted to go anytime he wanted to go but that it was time that he stopped driving. He didn't argue or protest. All this was said with love and concern. His parents also had dementia so he may have realized that he was beginning to be impaired. Your husband may respond similarly given that he knows he has a family history of dementia. (Fingers crossed)
I also had to have "the talk" with my father who did not have dementia but was in his 80's. He said "well I know how to drive" And I said I was not concerned about him knowing and following the rules. What concerned me was that at his age his reaction time had decreased to the point that he a.) may not see a child run in to the street, (peripheral vision declines with age) and b.) be able to step on the brake in time and c.) how would he feel if he hit that child, injuring or killing him? That gave him pause. I got a CD from The American Automobile Club called ""Roadwise Review, A Tool to Help Seniors Drive Safely Longer". He failed the reaction time test and willingly gave up driving.
Your husband may accept that it is time to stop driving given that he knows he has a family history of dementia. If he does not accept this then for the safety of everyone, I would hide the car keys, contact his physician, state your concerns and ask him to send a letter to the DMV asking that your husband be evaluated. You could also send a letter to the DMV anonymously as someone else posted. I think the most important issue
here as others have stated is to keep him off the road. Good luck with this challenge, It may be easier than you think. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers. Keep posting here as we all care about you and know that you are likely on a difficult, heartbreaking dementia journey.