I think I'm in Denial: What helped you as a caregiver to accept?

@laneywj
For me, after the disbelief stage, I realized I needed some professional help.
Advice I received in one of my support groups was to find a therapist who specializes in working with caregivers.
My therapist is so popular I had to wait several months for an appointment and months before I can get another appointment. This will have to be okay, because I feel the wait is worth it since she's already helped me after 2 sessions.
All the best to you. 🌺

@judimahoney as far as a therapist goes are you doing in person or virtual? I’m thinking maybe a grief counselor or is there a different specialty that you suggest? Thanks for responding.

Just know this is normal. There are stages Denial , Arguing/negotiating , Anger, Depression, Acceptance. The stages overlap and may re-occur. Get supportive help if you become overwhelmed. This is well known stuff for decades Elizabeth Kubler Ross. Really smart.

@shmerdloff
Whoops!

@laneywj
Hi again:
I have had 2 in-person sessions with my new therapist. The next 2 are scheduled to be virtual due to her busy schedule.
I am not sure of all of her specialties, I only paid attention to the caregiver specialty that I was seeking (when I was on the Provider Healthcare web page reading each counselor's specialties, she was the only one that had 'working with caregivers' as a specialty).
I feel processing the grief was a component of my sessions so far. I also took a 2-day, free online grief course that I felt helped a little.
Good luck to you as you find a good fit with a counselor or therapist.
Judi ☀️

Hi,
I completely relate to how you feel. Even though I knew something was wrong for a long time, I had a very hard time coming to terms with the diagnosis and what’s ahead. Some things that have helped helped me accept where we are and carry on with life include seeing a therapist, even by video call if that’s all that is available. Just being able to get your feelings out somehow, crying and releasing all that anxiety makes me feel better. Writing what is happening in a journal also helps and sometimes I go back and read parts of it to see how things were in the past. Telling close family of the diagnosis made me feel less alone. Finding ways to deal with memory issues and trying to make things better and easier for both of us helps me too.

This group helps me see I’m not alone and many others in this group have gone thru these exact emotions. Accepting is very hard - I fully understand and wish you all the best.

@laneywj I posted this a while back, but from your post, it's worth posting today, and reminding myself. As my Mayo Connect buddy, @georgescraftjr says, "Karla, practice what you preach" and move fear of the unknown to faith in what's to come.

So I share my morning mantra:

Take one day at a time. Ask God for his help. It may not change the path you're going down, but it will help you in knowing you are not alone in dealing with this new journey. Courage to know what to do, clarity to know how and when to do it, and God's light to shine down on both of you in the midst of uncertainty and chaos. It's how I do it every day, once I learned of my husband's diagnosis, and it's how I'm trying to deal with it all. It's a lot, and it's frightening, but you are not alone. Trust, that you are not alone. There's power in those words that start my day.
Best, Karla

I totally understand where you are. We are at the beginning of his diagnosis although his Ptau217 was high & his MRI shows issues and we both notice changes.
At first, I had thoughts that this was a bad dream and I would wake up. I guess that aligns with denial. Then, I started feeling very sad/grief for the life I thought we would have. We were slowing down anyway as my husband is 83; I only 68.
I applaud you for reaching out and sharing. It is a lot to take in and scary. I agree with finding a therapist. I have not done that yet. All of our family is in the UK so I have limited support here.
Please let me know how your trips go. I’m a bit concerned about taking him out of his familiar environment.
Hugs and try to remember its a marathon not a sprint.

@kjc48

Thanks for sharing your beautiful morning mantra. Our situation with George has seriously deteriorated during the past several weeks. After reading your message and looking back at the heading of this post, I realize that I have been hoping against hope that his bizarre behaviors were due to the side effects of his meds.

I now realize that denial can cloud our understanding of the disease process if we are not vigilant. Denial doesn't just happen at the intial stage of the diagnosis. It can occur at each and every step as the disease progresses. We have no control over what will happen as each day unfolds; but thanks to Karla's reminder:

" Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,[a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me." Psalm 23:4
New International Version

@georgescraftjr Amen, I think what you're describing above, is the courage to recognize what you are seeing with George's deterioration, the clarity to know what you should now do, and God's light helping you navigate the demanding, changing seasons of this disease.
Karla