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My Opioid Addiction
MY OPIOID ADDICTION
My body is my major negative asset. I am riddled with pain. At a 5, 6 or 7 out of 10 on my pain scale, I still function normally, just living through it. At a 10, I suffer in bed. As a youth I had occasional, classic aural/nausea migraines. They became more frequent and less severe, till they morphed into chronic daily headaches. Knee pain resulted in a knee replacement. But arthritis continues to attack my lower back and neck. My piriformis muscles too, add to the relentless pain.
I probably saw a hundred medical practitioners from both traditional medicine,-pain or neurology specialists, to alternative treatment, from acupuncture to cupping. Nothing worked except drugs... especially when oxycodone was introduced to the medical market.
My doctor was very enthusiastic. There was a medical mantra they all bought into that was clearly promoted by the drug company.
They believed that there was a difference between those who used oxycodone for recreational use who could be addicted, but if used for pain and no high was experienced, you could not become addicted, you were only ‘dependent’. I never experienced any high on opioids.
Somehow it was assumed that ‘dependent’ was a mild issue that could be easily rectified if necessary. You could just quit anytime. I started with Percocets a few times a day. It soon was not enough. My doc prescribed Oxycontin. It was soon not enough.
A friend had a fentanyl patch. My doc said he only prescribed a patch for terminal cancer patients. He upped the Oxycontin dose... again... and again. I continued to complain of pain. Finally he added a fentanyl patch. I began taking 160 mg of combined Oxycontin and Percocets, plus the patch.
I was a drug addict. I remember driving up the Don Valley Parkway in Toronto, in bumper to bumper, stop and go, rush hour traffic, in a drug stupor. I fell asleep at a pause and was only awakened by car horns urging me to move on. It was time to stop.
A pain specialist advised moving into a residential rehab facility. I opted for the do-it-yourself option. I researched the process and decided to do it on my own. It took me 6 months to get off the opioids.
I asked my wife what it was like when I was getting off the drug. “You lost your mind. You kept saying to everyone you saw the Buddha on the road. You wandered up and down the beach at the cottage buttonholing people and talking nonsense and breaking down crying.”
My cottage neighbour, a doctor, who observed me in this state, called it ‘ebullient emotion’, typical when patients have strokes or when in shock. I burst into bouts of convulsive weeping without any reason. I did that frequently during my detox.
I reduced my dose by 5mg a week. It was agony. After a couple of months the detox twisted my mind. I was nearly mad. Even when I was down to 5mg per day it was excruciating. I wanted to give up and get a strong dose, but I persisted.
I remember talking to Laurie, a pharmacist at Shoppers Drug Mart in Penetanguishene and asked her if there was anything I could take to get me over the agony on my last 5mg.
She asked how much I had reduced from. “160mg and a fentanyl patch,” I replied.
“On your own?’ she asked, incredulously.
“Yes,” I said.
“That’s unheard of,” she said. Her face signalled shock.
Every time I hear one of many current statistical opioid stories on TV, I am reminded of my addiction and detox. For example: * There were 2833 opioid related deaths in Ontario last year. * In the USA, there were more than 70,200 overdose deaths in just 2017. More than 130 people died every day from opioid- related drug overdoses.
On TV as I wrote this, someone declared, “One hundred people die from gun violence in the USA every day”. 130 from opioids! 100 from gun violence! Are these not preventable?
I have been free of opioids for a few years now. The pain persists but I am better off than where I was. My wife had nightmares about my drugged period. “I thought we were going to lose you.” I am still here.
By the way, I really did see the Buddha on the road.
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@barbaraspainhour ask about Suboxone they have a pill form and a film form. I use the film form, but it’s for addiction withdrawal. It helps me with my pain and in the beginning I was using it for drug addiction and getting clean from drugs. Things have changed from back then but when you’ve been on it for a long time, they like to switch you to something else so I hope everything works out for you but definitely talk to your doctor
I can relate. I've been experiencing pain for 48 years now. When I was first prescribed opioids, I asked if they were turning me into an addict. I was told no, since it was prescribed, it was a 'medication'. When not prescribed, it was a 'drug'. I actully said, 'Potato/Patato' Tomato/Tamato'. So I tried some opioids. Nothing helped. Then I started passing out from the pain. I was then prescribed fentanyl. It worked great. No crazy side effects. My pain on a good day was 5. Then it was decided I was addicted to opioids. Now they want me to either get a pain pump or a spinal cord stimulator. Next, they'll be telling me I'm addicted to pain gadgets!
My best to you all on your pain relief journeys.
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1 ReactionMy pain was similar to yours & my doctor gave me Oxcycontin ... I can't remember the final dose (but I was becoming an addict); My problem with Oxycycontin is it didn't takeaway the pain & it lowered my quality of life. I couldn't remember anything ... full on amnesia ... it drove my wife crazy. It was really hard to ween of this pain med but I did it. I worked really hard on physical therapy (strengthening my legs, back, and core) & stretching. My doctor gave me a low dose of Tramadol 50 mg ... we tried Liraca but it made me sleepy. I've tried all of the things you mentioned ... I was desparate & tired cupping (bruised my back) ... you gave me a laugh. The main thing I have to keep in mind is that there is no silver bullet & we need got try things to keep our pain level below 6 & keep our quality of life as high as possible (brain function & engaging in life). It is a tough balancing act but pain meds and surgery aren't the full answer. I try to control the things that I can control (ie keeping my weight down, keeping alcohol consumption low, riding my electric trike down by the beach, stretching my legs and back, taking Tramadol in the morning to start the day ... takes an edge of my pain levels to start the day); I'm not claiming to be perfect ... I just keep on finding ways to make my day a little easier if possible. When my pain levels go above 6, I go to my pain doctor and discuss options other than drugs or surgery (ie oblations and epidurals ... not considered evasive surgery); most of the time my pain levels are a 5/6 level (not over powering); I come to understand that when my pain levels raise above 6 that it isn't permanent & I need to think through a strategy to keep my anxiety down & power through it (oblation, epidural, higher dose of Tramadol (check cognition -- brain function), law down more & reduce exercise). When I start something new, I generally have to give it 4 to 6 weeks to see if it is working. Sorry if I'm writing too much. I had a tumor taken out of my spinal cord 28 years ago & I'm similar to you ... I've tried almost everything. Good Luck on keeping an upper hand on your pain & enjoying your friends and family.
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1 Reaction@kimmie25 I too have cancer. Stage 4 endometrial cancer. I've been on hydrocodone for years because of back issues. I take them every 5 to 6 hours if I don't forget. I have gone 7 to 8 hours for various reasons and it's only when I'm in pain that I remember I didn't take my pill when I was supposed to. I was diagnosed with cancer in Feb 2025 and had hysterectomy in August after getting chemo for 4 months and my CA125 numbers going from 1641 to 80. I thought I was headed in the right direction. I am on my 4th chemo drug, doxorubicin, and will receive my 2nd treatment on July 16th. I started on carboplatin and paclitaxal, then Herceptin because I was HER2 positive. My numbers were increasing. I changed to Enhertu and after 4 treatments my numbers kept increasing. I then had a PET that showed things had increased in size since last one a few months before. I was then changed to doxorubicin. I have received 19 total chemo treatments so far. I wonder sometimes why people need to say "terminal cancer". I think ALL cancer is terminal in the end because even though a person is in remission, that cancer will most likely return. I know there are exceptions but they are very, very slim. My oncologist has not said "terminal" to me, I'm afraid to ask too, but the surgeon said removing any lymph nodes would be like removing sand from the beach. A lot of them are entangled in vascular system. That's where my cancer lies. Best we can hope for is the chemo shrinks the lymph nodes and cancer diminishes and I can go on a maintenance drug. Then again, there's a part of my brain that keeps saying it's terminal and that's what I'm going to die from. The difference in people who die from cancer and people who die in tragic accidents is that accident victims don't see it coming. Cancer victims see it coming. I know I could die in an accident tomorrow but for right now, it's the cancer that's on my mind. My pain management doctor, who I'm having a very heart to heart with at next appt, is reluctant to give me anything very much stronger. He gave me extended release morphine but that's a joke really. It does nothing. I tried the oxycodone when first diagnosed but it didn't work so I went back to the hydrocodone. He's mentioned physical therapy but I don't think he realizes that with the fatigue that comes with getting chemo, there is not enough energy left to get physical therapy. Like my oncologist said, it's a different kind of pain now. She has offered to take over my pain meds if my pain Dr won't manage my pain. I'm not the least worried about becoming "addicted" or "dependent" on any pain meds that make it where I can partly function at least to be able to stand long enough to cook a meal without having to sit down because of my legs becoming numb. Those issues are from my back. I have the piriformis muscle problems too. The sciatic nerve runs through there and it's pure hell if it gets pinched. Sorry for the long reply but pain covers such a broad never-ending area. The neuropathy is real. The gas pains are real and very painful. The fatigue is real. The hair loss is real. The nausea is real. There's so much that goes with pain no matter the cause of it. I'm 67 years old. Hopefully I make it to 68 in October. I'll take whatever I need to in order to function. I don't want to be comatose but I want to be as pain free as possible and still survive from day to day. 😊
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2 ReactionsI have had a long road with opiate's and have mostly self detoxed and it was hell.
I would go years off pain med's but always pain drove me back. My last round was in 2008 being on 90mg morphine 3 times a day plus oxy/s
I Googled 'Safe narcotics" and came upon a clinical trial of suboxone at Columbia-a inpatient program.
Firs day was sheer hell but eventually I was given the buprenorphine and quickly felt normal again.
Yeah I know it was one drug for another but I gotta say it was not the same. I was able to stay on dose and never felt drugged. I stayed on a year or so then went super, super slow in a taper. I was taking mere crumbs of the pill! I skipped days and then stopped. next day went with buddies to Atlantic City swam and gambled and spent the night. Okay I still had to take a few months to feel 100% normal but it was not a hellish WD like from other opioid medications.
After a year or so off, my pain got to me and I found a clinic that prescribed suboxone and after a while just subutex or regular buprenorphine without the naloxone.
On it since 2011 and itis okay for pain control but slowly losing it's effect. I guess it is normal but I have had 4 major surgeries and it did not do well at all the last hip replacement so that stinks.
However, I do not worry a lot I am just glad i can come off if and when I want but can make that choice.
Glen
For many of us on much lower does these drugs are life saving. Just because you were on extreme doses and had a bad experience doesn’t mean MANY people find these drugs helpful and do not get addicted in a negative way - meaning there would be withdrawal but also the debilitating effects of the illness would return and make me non-functional.
Lest we forget nicotine and cigarettes kill far more people with zero posit e benefits AND they kill innocent bystanders forced to breathe in the 2 ‘d hand smoke. Cigarettes, which I smoked for 12 years - and was was not addicted to, (fyi any physical addiction lasts 72hours a fact known since the 1970s).
Why Phillip Morris gets to flourish and receive govt subsidies is beyond my comprehension. And why OxyContin is the bogey man is also astounding to me. It is a VERY BENEFICIAL drug.