The Bathing Battle

I wish I knew why showers/bathing are resisted so much as we age. My late husband wouldn't shower until I mentioned he really needed to. He did not have dementia, but maybe some cognitive issues.

Hi, this is advice I read on a dementia site on Facebook.
One reason they may resist a shower is that they may be uncomfortable or cold when they are in the bathroom undressed, so the caregiver made the bathroom a spa-like experience. They brought in a space heater to warm the bathroom before entry (so they aren't cold when they undress). They had some aroma therapy like lavender scent. I don't remember if they put on soothing music. Then, they told the person they needed their help in the bathroom. Once there, the caregiver just started undressing them for their shower with no further comment.
Good luck!

When all else fails- buy the pre-moistened larger washcloth-sized disposable cloths at Walmart or any drugstore or grocery. Follow the person into the bathroom, sit them on the toilet, have clean clothes in a small pile nearby. “Gotta change your shirt, it’s dirty”, pull one arm out, quick wash with cloth, whatever you can reach- arm, neck, partial chest, flip shirt over head- now face, rest of chest. Pull clean shirt up washed arm, over head, slide old shirt off other arm, wash with cloth that arm, rest of chest, pull new shirt on, reach up and behind to do back, change cloths out as needed.
Do the same with pants and underwear- the idea is to have the person feel “clothed” while they are getting a (what we call here) “farmer’s bath”or “spit bath”. Another trick is to take shoes and socks off, do his feet, socks on, pants off, wash legs, underwear on, new pants on, shoes on, then stand up. Wash privates and rear-end, pull underwear and pants up at the same time.
My husband was unsteady, so I bought safety toilet rails on Amazon, he held on while I did the last part. He resists shaving, but I set him up and tell him, “We can’t have you looking like a bum”. He laughs and does it. He won’t brush his teeth or let me or anyone else do it, so I take him for dental cleanings every 3 months.
Hope this helps. All any of us do is keep trying 🙂

Thank you for this reminder. I do have some of those cleansing bath cloths, and I think that’s what I’ll do because I’m nervous to put her in the shower. I also have a foot soak bin which I have her use daily with magnesium.

It’s just the “bum” area I worry about…I ask her to use the disposable wipes but she barely grasps concept of “wipe front to back”… it’s a lot. But we are all doing our best.

My sister usually does the bathing and she is a lot stronger than me.

Thank you for the detailed suggestion, and funny “farmer’s bath- spit bath” reference. I call it a bird bath or French bath…lol.

I really appreciate you sharing! 🤗❤️

Yes, bathing is a challenge. I offer a reward like you would with a child. I remind myself that I will need patience and not to have anything else planned as it may take several hours for him to finally get in shower. I have something to keep me occupied even if just reading a book I want to read. May include a nap after he undresses before he showers. I have found it helps to mention "after shower' we will do something and then I say I will turn on water. That warms up area and usually he will eventually get in the shower. He is very slow, resists any help and gratefully can still do on is own however slowly.