Doing research while being anxious

Wow, you've described the mindset of many (all?) of the posters here as we first got the news. But within a month, after the consultations, you will have a path forward, though for a while it may just be a new series questions to be investigated. In my own case, one set of scans led to another, and then a biopsy, all needed to zero in on what was wrong and how to treat it (or not). There was even a change in providers along the way. The main thing is that it's all been ACTIVE - and movement in itself has been, for me, a great antidote to the mental and emotional spins you've described. We all have limited control in this, but doing the exercise, research, and self-advocacy makes us active partners in reaching the best possible outcomes for ourselves.

And talk - and write. In fact, thanks for the self-talk opportunity this morning! Bon voyage!

Dan, my heart goes out to you. Your story is a familiar one. Certainly to me. I was diagnosed 3 months ago with Stage 4. For 4 weeks I had nothing but anguish. Finally had an oncology visit and really didn't get any real hope for a cure. But then with Stage 4 there is no cure, maybe, and pray for that, management of the disease process.
At least I had a dialog going. My doc is a "straight shooter". He told me "what cow ate the cabbage". But that is what I asked for.

For two months I wrestled with all the "normal" emotions of a PC diagnosis. I visit those emotions and evaluate myself on each of those points. Little by little I was able to come to understanding and some sort of acceptance of my diagnosis relative to each of those points. Keep in mind that there is always hope. PC research seems go be going on, and I'm hearing that guys with Stage 4 (and I don't remember that you are at Stage 4), are living longer and better.

I am a Christian with strong family ties, and a good friend network. So I have a great support base. But given the nature of the disease process, I always have to be the realist.

I found that my faith and some common sense, with family and friend support, is keeping me going.
I found that I need to "Do something everyday". I have had to abandon my old "normal" and replace it with a new "normal". I had a life and I need it back, or I need to keep it.

Read, understand, and do something everyday, I know it is scary.

I am on the older side of this equation. I'm 78 and that may sway my understanding of this disease process, I guess my acceptance of it.

Pray! I know many of the guys (and gals) on this forum are in your corner. We will pray for your mental and physical health.

And do seek professional help. There is a LOT of it out there, you don't have to do this alone.

Praying for you buddy,

Dennis

Hi Dan! My husband's name is Dan too, he got diagnosed early 2025.
Here's his(our story)
He went to the Dr with some ED and peeing frequently, no pain, just wanted something maybe enlarged prostate and some viagra, he was 55 I was 47.
Dr did a PSA test too which came back at almost 300!! Cancer!!
Then a few days later he got a pelvic CT scan which showed it outside the prostate- so stage 3 or 4, then we met with urologist who said stage 4 and wanted to do a biopsy and refer to oncology, gleason scores were mostly 8 and 9s! a few 7s.
The waiting for oncologist was excruciating! My husband researched EVERYTHING, he's always worked out, eaten pretty perfectly but he went super strict and started a supplement protocol which included controversial drugs that were talked about during covid....of course didn't tell the medical team about THOSE pills.
Finally oncology appointment who scheduled a full body PSMA scan and it came back terrible, my husband lit up like a Christmas tree!! it was in the prostate, pelvis, lungs, lymph nodes, bones, spine and maybe more.
They told us statistically he had a 30% chance of making it 5 years WITH treatment!!
Of course treatment is ADT! my husband refused, he didn't want to mess with his MANHOOD! I cried and argued with him that if I got breast cancer or whatever, I'd take drugs, cut them off or do whatever surgery!
And I'd rather have a tired husband and no sex life than a dead husband and still no sex life!!
So he finally did it, he was supposed to take one injection of Firmagon and then switch to Lupron, but he had read worse side effects about Lupron so he's stayed on monthly Firmagon injections. He was also supposed to take Zytiga daily pills, but because of all these supplements, he had technically wrecked his liver! ALT and AST numbers were super high to the point of seeing a liver doctor who told him to quit everything, which he did!!
Then he started the pills about a month later and did chemo Docetaxel over the summer last year and did really well on that too!
Overall he's doing VERY, VERY well! He's mowing the lawn right now, layed hardwood floors in our daughter's room this week and does stuff around the house. He had lost his job pretty recently before his diagnosis and now with stage 4 (terminal) he's on disability.
He's still tired, but goes to the gym every morning and eats pretty perfectly still. You wouldn't know anything was wrong by looking at him. Still no sex life, or hardly any, Viagra doesn't really work, but then again I'm late 40s now and my hormones are out of whack, so we can just snuggle and have hot flashes together and cry over stuff! He doesn't sleep right, wakes up every 2 hrs or less, but there's really "nothing" to do about that with no testosterone, unless he takes sleeping pills or something else and he doesn't want to do that.
It's depressing to say the least!
I know any of us could die tomorrow in a car accident or whatever, but to have your days numbered and it's closer than you think, plus all the potential side effects that could kill him too! it sucks!!
Hang in there! and just know, I don't think my husband is any less of a man, just because he can't get it up! I still love him!!