How do you caregive when someone with dementia has been unfaithful?

@kayraymat I prefer to keep him home but our kids would be supportive. We actually have good days early. He has severe neuropathy so uses walker or I use transport wheelchair when we go anywhere. Since he lived that double life I am sure he would hooking up in a home.

@labrown Thank you so much as it sounds so familiar. I was especially sensitive because at 77 he is now 82 I found out about his long term side chick. Thank you as I do realize it is a disease and he too talks about the nice sweet one and the crabby one and the same day. He never thinks I am the mean one! Having a long term affair definitely complicates feelings. So appreciative of you sharing. I now sorta go with it but I was crushed at first.

@lulululu
Remember Chief Justice Sandra Day O'Conner. She said her husband fell
for a female resident in the home who also had Dementia & that was fine with
her since it made him happy.
I know you never get over infidelity as it is so dishonorable when you have been honorable..... MEN !

@lulululu, you are not alone. @marygmary also wrote about caring for her husband who has dementia. She suspected but recently discovered that he had been unfaithful. See this related discussion:
- This is tough: Caregiving & discovering partner was unfaithful https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/this-is-a-tough-one/

@lulululu My husband was an often mean alcoholic, whose behavior swung related to his drinking, stress, jealousy, etc. We had some happy times, but we could have had a lot more. He often made life with him miserable for me.
With he dementia, he needs care and attention and advocacy now. How I manage it in my brain, is that I’m doing this in service to the Lord. The first line in one of my favorite hymns is, “I serve a risen Savior”. That’s how I look at it, serving our Lord, then I can approach this work with a light heart, without resentment, or debating “forgive and forget”, mean things done to me, etc.
If you’re a person of faith, release yourself from those type of thoughts- you’re not doing this for him (the cheating idiot), you’re doing this in service to the Lord.

Hi there. I found your post interesting. Please clarify as my husband has Parkinsonism and dementia with Lewy Body. He has thought there were as many as 4 Karlas (my name). Last night he wanted to know where the girl is that lives here. Her name is Karla. When I told him I am the only Karla who lives here he said "don't tell me you don't know her!".

@timber2026 I understand that scenario completely. There's two of me. The mean one (the one that makes sure he takes his meds, cleans up, etc...) and the sweet one...he will ask all along where the sweet one is and when is she coming back! 🙂

@labrown I know it isn't funny but sometimes it just is. My husband told there is one who was mean, one is sweet, one is a busybody and he doesn't like her, and one who is young. I think he was describing me - haha.

@timber2026 I saw this since I'm a Karla too! and just had to answer. I think someone in this thread, asked, "how to you move forward with this when they cheated." My answer: We just do. But 4 Karla's, amazing. that he could have that many going at one time! If that was the case. Even more amazing, that he can't recognize due to the memory confusion, the real gem he has in you Karla, the one living with him and giving him quality home care. Just keep reminding him.....Best, Karla

@timber2026 I have same thing. I always thought the other Jeannie was the side chick. He gets made when I say I am the only Jeannie.
This disease is so complicated. He has even tried to hide me. 🙈