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How can I deal with undiagnosed, unrecognized, likely dementia ?

Posted by sunnygardens @sunnygardens, Jun 5 10:10am

Living as roommates with a very good friend who demonstrates behaviors not normal in aging. These have been confirmed by my own counselors when described to them by me. My friend recognizes nothing of these changes. So far none are severe enough to warrant a confrontation. Diplomatic remarks about my concern for him (without being specific), and mentioning specific memory lapses have been ignored. Neither of us have any family support. He is estranged from both his sons. While I do see counselors for help managing my lifelong Clinical Depression ( aka Major Depressive Disorder), which is successful, and they have suggested bringing in a social Worker who could help my friend, there’s no way I can suggest it to him as he sees nothing wrong.
I feel like I’m on tenterhooks, waiting for further symptoms to develop, while dreading the same.
After retiring from being a Home Support Aide because I no longer wanted to do this job, I do NOT want to be a caregiver for my friends. Yet how can I abandon him? I’m finding it very difficult to go along “one day at a time”, not knowing where I’m going. And it becomes more stressful as I become responsible for more daily aspects of life that he forgets or can’t reason through.
I’m an information/knowledge person. It feels like, in spite of all the information and knowledge I have, I’m in limbo. I hate limbo.
Any suggestions from anyone who’s recognized early onset dementia or MCI without a diagnosis would be appreciated.
PS. This is my first time on this forum.

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sunnygardens | @sunnygardens | Jun 8 8:57am
In reply to @shmerdloff "With denial, there is a short conscious recognition of a problem, which is then relegated to..." + (show)
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With denial, there is a short conscious recognition of a problem, which is then relegated to the unconscious where it won't bother us - we hope. There's something wrong here, and I am not going to deal with it-until there are some kind of symptoms, and a good therapist or spouse can dig it out of my unconscious, lay it on the table, and cure my neurotic complex. A defense mechanism.
With dementia, the same brain that is losing analyzing functioning, is also losing the ability to "analyze itself, " like the Zen koan how can your eye see itself? or point to your right hand index finger with your right hand index finger.
In short, the dementia brain doesn't even know there is anything to defend against, put into the unconscious, or deny.
What's the problem with putting the container of milk in the dishwasher? I didn't do that. Ya wanna fight about it?
It's so sad.

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@shmerdloff knowing all the science helps, in a way. Yet, one does grow weary of removing the milk from the dishwasher.
We’re not at that stage in this household. Thus, limbo.

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shmerdloff | @shmerdloff | Jun 8 9:46am
In reply to @sunnygardens "@shmerdloff knowing all the science helps, in a way. Yet, one does grow weary of removing..." + (show)
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@shmerdloff knowing all the science helps, in a way. Yet, one does grow weary of removing the milk from the dishwasher.
We’re not at that stage in this household. Thus, limbo.

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@sunnygardens
Love it. This is ALL limbo.
If you don't become the ocean, you will ALWAYS be seasick. LC

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sunnygardens | @sunnygardens | Jun 8 11:36am
In reply to @shmerdloff "@sunnygardens Love it. This is ALL limbo. If you don't become the ocean, you will ALWAYS..." + (show)
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@sunnygardens
Love it. This is ALL limbo.
If you don't become the ocean, you will ALWAYS be seasick. LC

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@shmerdloff I’ll have to ponder that. So far, I can’t figure out how to become the ocean…….

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shmerdloff | @shmerdloff | Jun 8 11:55am
In reply to @sunnygardens "@shmerdloff I’ll have to ponder that. So far, I can’t figure out how to become the..." + (show)
Profile picture for sunnygardens @sunnygardens

@shmerdloff I’ll have to ponder that. So far, I can’t figure out how to become the ocean…….

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@sunnygardens
No you. Just Ocean.
Unclench Let Go.
When I do my laps, after a bit, I am water. No up no down no left no right. I re-form when I come out of the pool.
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sunnygardens | @sunnygardens | Jun 8 12:33pm
In reply to @shmerdloff "@sunnygardens No you. Just Ocean. Unclench Let Go. When I do my laps, after a bit,..." + (show)
Profile picture for shmerdloff @shmerdloff

@sunnygardens
No you. Just Ocean.
Unclench Let Go.
When I do my laps, after a bit, I am water. No up no down no left no right. I re-form when I come out of the pool.

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@shmerdloff thanks. I believe this will be easier when I actually get to the ocean later this summer. Good ol’ Leonard. ❤️

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gilkesl | @gilkesl | Jun 9 5:19am
In reply to @doclarrea "I am going through the same with my ex spouse who’s 80 years old. Took her..." + (show)
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I am going through the same with my ex spouse who’s 80 years old. Took her to her primary physician and gave him a note explaining her symptoms of memory loss; he then referred her to a neurologist, and it took me a couple of months getting her to go, when she finally did, I gave the same note to the neurologist who did a very superficial exam, mostly testing for neurological symptoms such es gait, coordination, etc… but didn’t even do a MMS ( Mini Mental Status) test. Instead he ordered a EEG (electroencephalogram) which I found out is a test primarily to rule out epilepsy; she has never had a seizure nor tremors, so I am back to square one, waiting in tenterhooks, as you wrote. Hopefully you will have a better outcome if you can entice him to go see a doctor. I suggest you take him to his primary for a consultation unrelated to his memory issues, and take a note describing his symptoms and casually give it to the doctor prior to or as he is entereing the office. Good luck!!

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@doclarrea It sounds like you went to the wrong neurologist. Find one who specializes in memory care. Also I question the PCP who could have done tge Mini Mental. Look it up online. You can do a game with him and see who can finish first- him!

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sunnygardens | @sunnygardens | 9 hours ago
In reply to @shmerdloff "@sunnygardens No you. Just Ocean. Unclench Let Go. When I do my laps, after a bit,..." + (show)
Profile picture for shmerdloff @shmerdloff

@sunnygardens
No you. Just Ocean.
Unclench Let Go.
When I do my laps, after a bit, I am water. No up no down no left no right. I re-form when I come out of the pool.

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@shmerdloff thought of your comments when I read this.

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shmerdloff | @shmerdloff | 8 hours ago
In reply to @sunnygardens "@shmerdloff thought of your comments when I read this." + (show)
Profile picture for sunnygardens @sunnygardens

@shmerdloff thought of your comments when I read this.

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@sunnygardens
That's it! You got it babe💥. The mind is infinite enough to embrace ALL of creation. Even for a few seconds. That's what God , as partners, wants us to see.
Look I made a hat.
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