1. < Caregivers: Dementia
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husband with off again, on again cognitive impairment, stressful

Posted by cloudydaysue @cloudydaysue, Jun 9 4:54pm

My husband is getting worse with his cognitive issues. He will not give up his phone and has daily problems with it. He now thinks the remote is his phone and vice versa. He wants to change the TV stations with his iphone and gets angry that he needs to use two devices, one for his phone , one for the TV. Now he wants to get utube on his phone which will open up another round of confusion. He is also making appointments with doctors, and others without my knowledge, then he forgets about them or I have to catch up and and either cancel them or go to them, although they aren't needed. He is getting angry with me and thinks I am too controlling. I'm so stressed, I can't keep up with his activity. Thanks for listening I just needed to vent. I feel I'm not doing things correctly.
Cloudydaysue

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theglobalnomad1 | @theglobalnomad1 | 5 days ago
In reply to @judimahoney "@theglobalnomad1 For me, taking away my husband's debit and credit cards, and getting him to 'voluntarily'..." + (show)
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@theglobalnomad1
For me, taking away my husband's debit and credit cards, and getting him to 'voluntarily' surrender his driver's license, was a screaming episode on my part with tears and yelling and an absolute insistence that this was the way things had to be because his brain was not giving him correct info and we need to be safe on the road and keep others safe (he has anosognosia, so has no awareness of his issues, which makes all this exponentially harder).
He didn't yell during this process, he just gave his usual flat affect facial expression and probably wondered why his wife was screaming and crying. Nearly getting killed by a demented driver is awful, I nearly threw up. Financial abuse is also scary; he still reports that his debit and credit cards are missing.
So, this process of taking away his independence has been heartbreaking but necessary, and I HATE making every decision by myself. It's very lonely.

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@judimahoney oh, Judith, I am so scared of that, but more scared of what could happen if I just let it go. You are in my prayers and I thank you for the support and suggestions. Thank God for the whole community. It's like we're all kinda stumbling thru this, but knowing we're not alone helps.

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theglobalnomad1 | @theglobalnomad1 | 5 days ago
In reply to @theglobalnomad1 "@judimahoney oh, Judith, I am so scared of that, but more scared of what could happen..." + (show)
Profile picture for theglobalnomad1 @theglobalnomad1

@judimahoney oh, Judith, I am so scared of that, but more scared of what could happen if I just let it go. You are in my prayers and I thank you for the support and suggestions. Thank God for the whole community. It's like we're all kinda stumbling thru this, but knowing we're not alone helps.

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@theglobalnomad1 auto-correct! Sorry, meant, "Judi"!

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cloudydaysue | @cloudydaysue | 5 days ago

Thank all of you who have sent hugs and comments. It means alot to have peope to talk things over with and gather information.
cloudydaysue

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lcl44 | @lcl44 | 4 days ago

Since we are “information sharing” .. I would mention a couple of things.
I recently become aware of something known as a SIM swap scam .. that afflicted our grandniece (who is in her thirties) and her very tech-savvy husband!
https://www.aarp.org/money/scams-fraud/sim-swapping/
If you get a call purporting to be from your cellphone carrier, beware .. and don’t click on any messages that they say they are sending you that purport to fix a problem they say you have, but of course you don’t! First symptom is that you lose cellphone use. When you dig deeper you might have already lost a lot more.
Next, as there has been some discussion of passwords, consider using a password manager.
https://www.aarp.org/personal-technology/use-a-password-manager-for-online-security/
I hope this might be helpful!

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rutgersmom123 | @rutgersmom123 | 4 days ago
In reply to @judimahoney "@theglobalnomad1 For me, taking away my husband's debit and credit cards, and getting him to 'voluntarily'..." + (show)
Profile picture for judimahoney @judimahoney

@theglobalnomad1
For me, taking away my husband's debit and credit cards, and getting him to 'voluntarily' surrender his driver's license, was a screaming episode on my part with tears and yelling and an absolute insistence that this was the way things had to be because his brain was not giving him correct info and we need to be safe on the road and keep others safe (he has anosognosia, so has no awareness of his issues, which makes all this exponentially harder).
He didn't yell during this process, he just gave his usual flat affect facial expression and probably wondered why his wife was screaming and crying. Nearly getting killed by a demented driver is awful, I nearly threw up. Financial abuse is also scary; he still reports that his debit and credit cards are missing.
So, this process of taking away his independence has been heartbreaking but necessary, and I HATE making every decision by myself. It's very lonely.

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@judimahoney I am finding the whole process to be heartbreaking. My husband is still in relatively early stages of MCI but I am seeing more small changes every 6 months or so. He has ordered various things off a menu then claims he got the wrong order, even though In heard what he ordered. His memory and word retrieval is worse, and dealing with technology is horrible. Every night there is an issue with the remote control for the tv. Every time something doesn't work properly, from operator error, he think the item is broken and we need to buy a new one.
Yesterday I brought up the power of attorney issue for the future and he became very upset. He wouldn't talk to me for 24 hours. He said I wanted to control all of the money.
All I can say is that I feel for everyone...This is not easy!

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1995victoria | @1995victoria | 4 days ago
In reply to @kjc48 "@judimahoney It's scary stuff Judy. I couldn't believe how long it took us to get everything..." + (show)
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@judimahoney It's scary stuff Judy. I couldn't believe how long it took us to get everything straightened out. He clicked on something, got into some link and ended up, with hackers. They changed his PC multiple times, and we knew it, because it wasn't downloading to his phone. I had to go back into Experiean, Transunion and Equifax and recently do the fraud alert and freeze the credit for a year. Even with that, I'm nervous over what he's doing up there. Now, he did something that he tapped into, and his entire screen is too large and way off to the right. Gosh, I can handle a lot of things, but the technology stuff drives me nuts, because I can't fix it. I'm into our accounts tracking them, but I can't do that 24 x 7. Oh well...another day, tomorrow. Best, Karla

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@kjc48 Senior Planet has a free helpline for over 60s......888 713 3495
Mon-Fri 9-5 for tech help for seniors

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kjc48 | @kjc48 | 4 days ago

I had to goggle what Senior Planet is. OMG, I'm turning into a QR Code. Thanks for your help. Best, Karla

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kjc48 | @kjc48 | 4 days ago
In reply to @rutgersmom123 "@judimahoney I am finding the whole process to be heartbreaking. My husband is still in relatively..." + (show)
Profile picture for rutgersmom123 @rutgersmom123

@judimahoney I am finding the whole process to be heartbreaking. My husband is still in relatively early stages of MCI but I am seeing more small changes every 6 months or so. He has ordered various things off a menu then claims he got the wrong order, even though In heard what he ordered. His memory and word retrieval is worse, and dealing with technology is horrible. Every night there is an issue with the remote control for the tv. Every time something doesn't work properly, from operator error, he think the item is broken and we need to buy a new one.
Yesterday I brought up the power of attorney issue for the future and he became very upset. He wouldn't talk to me for 24 hours. He said I wanted to control all of the money.
All I can say is that I feel for everyone...This is not easy!

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@rutgersmom123 PS, you can't bring up the Power of attorney, you just have to make the appointment. That's what I just did. Dragged him there. and now we have to go back. How do you reason with someone who can't reason? So that mean's we have to be the reasoning. My husband in early stages too, but he's on lequembe infusions. I'm not sure if your husband is on anything. But I'm not sure the infusions are really do much right now. Time will tell. I go through the same thing with technology. I had to call our PC guy to come in and help him the other day. It's just too much. So we programmed, all the go-to accounts he goes into, in one place. Lets' see how long that lasts. I go through the exact same thing with the remotes. and we're in a rental, so he can't figure out the rental system easily, even though I drew a picture. It's okay if he doesn't talk to you, mine, didn't either, he went to bed, woke up, and I told him, he wasn't very nice the day before. and that I loved him and was sorry about that. that's all we can do, while we plan, and make the necessary arrangments we have to, because we are doing this alone at home with a partner who doesn't always understand. Best, Karla

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judimahoney | @judimahoney | 4 days ago
In reply to @rutgersmom123 "@judimahoney I am finding the whole process to be heartbreaking. My husband is still in relatively..." + (show)
Profile picture for rutgersmom123 @rutgersmom123

@judimahoney I am finding the whole process to be heartbreaking. My husband is still in relatively early stages of MCI but I am seeing more small changes every 6 months or so. He has ordered various things off a menu then claims he got the wrong order, even though In heard what he ordered. His memory and word retrieval is worse, and dealing with technology is horrible. Every night there is an issue with the remote control for the tv. Every time something doesn't work properly, from operator error, he think the item is broken and we need to buy a new one.
Yesterday I brought up the power of attorney issue for the future and he became very upset. He wouldn't talk to me for 24 hours. He said I wanted to control all of the money.
All I can say is that I feel for everyone...This is not easy!

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@rutgersmom123
Well, from experience please give the Power of Attorney a revisit. They can't sign them once they have dementia.
Legally/ethically they can no longer sign legal documents if they do not understand the contents; hurry!
Good luck. 🫂

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1 reply
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Traci | @tracidw | 3 days ago

There is a universal, easy remote that is fairly simple to set up. It only has a few buttons so it's less confusing. If 2 remotes are needed, I left one on and hid the remote so my Mom only had the simple one.

By the time I'd figure out a solution for something, my Mom would be at the next decline and it was too much. I'm not even sure she knows what a tv is now.

Hope everyone hangs in there, finds what works and finds joy in the coming days.

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