My wife is furious at me 3 weeks post RARP

Posted by shayes914 @shayes914, Nov 17, 2025

My wife is a wreck since my surgery - depressed and won't talk to any of her friends. She is convinced that I made a terrible mistake having the surgery. It's like we are living on different planets. Instead of being supportive and helpful, she is downright sadistic and cruel with things she says to me. She has convinced herself that I will never be the same as before, our sex life is over and I was selfish for not thinking of her when I opted to have cancer removed from my body. We have been married for 30 yrs and we have been through some rough patches, but this is right there at the top of the worst of times. There do not seem to be many support groups for spouses of prostate cancer fighters, and what she has found supports her thesis that return to normal sex life is unlikely. I had complete nerve sparing on both sides and have already experienced some twinges of hope, if you know what I mean. I can't wait to poke her in the eye with it one day soon if we make it that long. Just wondering if any of you have had similar experience and how long it took for her to come around if ever?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Prostate Cancer Support Group.

northoftheborder | @northoftheborder | 21 hours ago

Also, one person mentioned so-called "lesbian sex" (presumably manual/oral simulation and/or digital penetration). Most lesbian couples I know are pretty happy, so you know, maybe they're onto something. 🤷

As others have mentioned, there's a whole world of physical intimacy beyond "place tab P into slot V."

(I'd make a joke about moving beyond the Victorians, but it turns out they were actually quite kinky when you look closer at the historical record.)

fig1971 | @fig1971 | 21 hours ago

Sorry to hear that hopefully she comes around. May your junk make a speedy recovery so that the poking can start. I refused surgery i had radiation done so i'm just waiting to see how all this works itself out.

surftohealth88 | @surftohealth88 | 17 hours ago

In reply to @northoftheborder "Also, one person mentioned so-called "lesbian sex" (presumably manual/oral simulation and/or digital penetration). Most lesbian couples..." + (show)

@northoftheborder

Ha ha, I wanted to comment also and say that only about 20 % of women achieve orgasm through penetration alone lol, so of all this hoopla about erections here has nothing much to do with woman's actual enjoyment and needs. As you said, intimacy is something much more that.