So, looking over one's shoulder for the remaining time...

The thing you're most frightened of is the thing I've been living since 2021 — when they discovered my cancer, it had already spread to my spine — and actually, I'm ok. The "looking over your shoulder" part fades after a year or two, and then you just get on with life. Treatments are advancing so fast that no one honestly can tell us how long we have, but I was 56 in 2021, and my family doctor tells me now to plan for old age and worry about other stuff instead, like blood pressure or type 2 diabetes. 🤷

Hoping this won't happen to you — the odds are strongly in your favour when the cancer's caught early — but I just wanted you to know that in the unlikely event that the cancer does come back, it's not the end of the world, or anything close. It's a big adjustment living with "incurable" prostate cancer, but I actually enjoy my life. YMMV.

@retireditguy
Having that combination of problems can be a real issue. It’s great to hear you’re doing so well with both problems behind you.

@jeffmarc -- Thanks! Yeah, I know how lucky I've been so far, especially in light of the Cribriform and IDC. I consider every "undectable psa" a gift. Best wishes.

I am 5 months post-op. What keeps me positive is thinking about those that are not as fortunate as we are, those that were too late for effective treatment, those that cannot navigate the healthcare system. My brother was one of those unlucky ones, he hung on for years but his was caught late and surgery wasn't a treatment option. For me, the surgery and recovery were a breeze. Incontinence has gotten much better and I hope it to be fully resolved soon. ED is not a problem for me. At 3 months, I got to celebrate being undetectable and am expecting the same at 6 months. Best wishes!

Thanks so much everyone for the supportive responses. It makes a big difference to hear from you all who have travelled the same path that I am on. There are times when I am more ok with what I am dealing with and then other times I get a little frustrated that at 57 years old I am dealing with this issue. My wife tells me be glad it was caught early, that they can do something about it, that I am younger so I have a good chance to bounce back, and at least I am an excellent cook so if the ED thing doesn't resolve itself my Paella is almost as satisfying! ; )

I had removal and short term inconti that with pelvic exercises corrected itself within 4 months. Black pants and shorts hide any occasional drips. Went BCR in 2 years and radiation ruined most of that good work and the ability to have a meaningful orgasm. To the best of my ability, I try to stay present in today rather than future tripping. If I am projecting into the future I am ruining today. Best wishes on your journey.

@thig350 -

“at least I am an excellent cook so if the ED thing doesn't resolve itself my Paella is almost as satisfying! ; )”

Haha, my wife said something similar - “Don’t worry about it, I keep you around for your cooking anyway.”

😆

I have a similar experience. Been hanging around now 14 years since my surgery plus on ADT. I summarized my experiences on FacingHighPSA to try and help others. Have a look if you’re interested. Hope it helps.

@thig350 Also, erections != sex.

While I'm sure your paella is great, you'd still have many options for sexual intimacy even if the ED didn't resolve itself. 🙂

Yeah, I agree with many who've already commented. It's not all gloom and doom. I'm 67 and I had my nerve sparing RALP 4 and half months ago on my birthday! One 3+4, one 3+3, Decipher score of .85. and cribiform detected. All contained to the gland. Just got my PSA results 2 days ago and it was <.01, so undetectable!
I'm almost completely continent, leaking only small amounts very occasionally when I make certain movements. I wear a small lightweight pad for insurance. I've even gone back to sleeping nude which is normal for me as I've never leaked while laying down. I started doing kegels a month and a half before surgery and have never stopped.
I'm doing penile rehabilitation with a good quality pump and masturbation. I can't use the pills because of an eye condition which viagra would make worse. Nevertheless I'm making progress and can now get a noticeable partial erection of slightly less than half staff. I do get satisfying orgasms though they are dry.
As far as physical activities, I can do everything I could do before surgery.
Also, a side benefit of it all is that I have changed my diet to a heart healthy one which is also a cancer friendly one. The diet change makes me feel better overall.
So yeah, I'm happy with my decision. The first weeks were a little tough but not unbearable and my cancer is officially in remission. Could it come back in the future? Yes, it could, but if I had done nothing I could have died. Life's uncertain and we can only deal with what we got here and now. Just remember, you're not alone. This is an excellent forum, so come back often.
Good luck to you!