Venting: Exhausted & Depressed

Yes, I nap. Headaches wake me @4 a.m, so naps are my salvation.

Im sorry you’re going through this, I can relate to lying for hours at night not sleeping, I do take naps just about every afternoon around 2 or so, it has become a routine, I nap he either plays solitaire on his computer or watches tv until I get up. I hope you will be able to work something out.

Yes nap, you can't do what you are doing with clarity that comes from sleep. Best, Karla

Greetings:
It just seems like you are a prime candidate for getting respite care, no matter how you need to pull that off. You absolutely need help and support so you can sleep at least 7 hours a night, most nights. Some folks can afford to pay an overnight caregiver. Unsure if you would qualify for State or VA assistance to help pay for that.
Just read a sobering statistic regarding caregivers die at a rate 63% higher than non-caregivers of the same age. We've all heard that we need to take care of ourselves; easier said than done.
You shared you are depressed. You simply will not be able to be there for your loved one if you are not healthy.
I wish you all the best as you make tough decisions to improve your situation. 🌻

I'm sorry you're going through this. Lack of sleep is hard.
My LO (a sister) has extreme overflow incontinence and is typically up ~25+ times a day. After averaging 3-4 hours a night (and few naps), I recently decided to sleep on a day bed next to her. Surprisingly, this cut down on her nightly toileting visits dramatically (only about 2 in the late evening/early morning hours). She used to like to wear regular underwear with a pad but she decided to change to briefs (Depends, etc.) with pad recently.

Echoing the others about the lack of sleep! Whether it’s your person keeping you awake or all those swirling thoughts, it’s a bummer getting up in the morning when you know you’re already behind due to sleep deprivation! Hugs to all of you experiencing this!

I can totally emphasize with your situation, and for me, lack of sleep makes everything so much harder! I have developed routines to help me ensure that my husband gets to sleep and stays there as much as possible which include things like ensuring we adhere to bedtime and wake times for him, limit his afternoon nap so he gets some rest but not too much that it keeps him awake at night. As his disease is progressing he does sleep more and that has helped immensely. I also wear a sleep mask at night so he can turn on the lights to get to the bathroom independently without waking me if needed. He sometimes needs help, but we positioned his side of the bed to be close to the bathroom so most of the time he can get there and back on his own. We also limit his fluid intake in the evening, to limit wake ups, but this is more challenging because he forgets and does what he wants.
The depression and mind racing, while completing appropriate under the circumstances, are not helpful and may be worth considering talking to your PCP about. I understand how hard it is to make time for your own healthcare appointments when you are a full-time caregiver. However, making time for yourself to ensure that you are healthy and in a good place mentally (rested, optimistic, hopeful) will improve the care that you are able to provide. Caregivers have a hard job. We need to ensure we are in the best shape possible to run this marathon. It’s also hard for me not knowing how long this will go on. My rational brain knows this situation is temporary and that I need to make the most of each day together while I can, but the “exhausted and depressed me” feels like I am trapped in a never-ending mire of responsibility and craziness that I will never escape from. This is not true, but it still can feel that way for me. I have a doctors appointment for me today, and while I would never have considered a doctor appointment fun, I am looking forward to some time away to just think and focus on myself for a short time.
I pray you get the rest you need (naps are great!) and some time to focus on your own well-being. Bless you for being there for your Mom.

I learned early on that sleep is crucial to my health both physical and mental. My husband has sleep apnea and the resulting snoring ever since I have known him. I had to insist that he go for a sleep study which resulted in a CPAP machine-no more snoring. The other issue was that he was a busy obstetrician and our phone rang at all hours of the night with him eventually going in to deliver the baby and then coming back a few hours later which woke me up again. So for most of the time we have been married I have had to deal with interrupted sleep. I was able to deal with it by sometimes sleeping in another room, earplugs and also and this is huge for me, I was a lot younger back then! I didn't have to monitor him. I didn't have to worry about what he was doing. Now with his dementia, he has fallen a number of times when getting up to use the bathroom at night ( fractured vertebrae, cracked rib, brain bleed) so when he gets out of the bed, I wake up and listen and sometimes go with him if he has been wobbly that day. Initially I hired a caregiver to sit in his room from 11pm to 7am so I could go upstairs and get the sleep I needed. It was so expensive but I felt that I needed to take whatever steps that were necessary to be able (and willing) to care for him the best that I can. I was not thrilled having total strangers in my home while I slept but the agency screens the caregivers and is responsible for their behavior. It was money well spent for the six months that I used the agency. Now I am fortunate that a long time friend has come to live with us to help during the night. She wanted to move back into the area and was looking for a place to live so she has her own room and bathroom with caregiving in exchange for rent. She sits in his room Mondays through Fridays from 11pm to 7am. Saturdays and Sundays are her days off so I sleep with him. I can tolerate two nights of interrupted sleep. I also miss being next to him in bed at night. If at all possible I hope you can find someone to do the same for you at least 2-3 nights a week. I would check to see if you are eligible for any kind of respite care. Your local hospital should be able to provide you with a list of caregiving agencies in your area. Your well being is a top priority when you are doing this kind of work. God bless you and your Mom.

@gratia, how are doing these days?

Hi Colleen,
I’m ok. Working on acceptance and managing my own well-being while caretaking for my mother during this chapter of life.
I hope you’re well.
🤗