I want life to end and don't know what to do.

I understand what living month to month, and sometimes week to week financially does to your self worth. It sucks. My wife and I have been married for almost 44 years, and we've always struggled financially. I worked a very physical job for more than 35 years to support my wife and 2 kids, including an occasional part time job, until my body broke down in 2015, and I was forced to retire and go on permanent disability. We had to sell our home so we wouldn't lose it, and we lived with our son and his family for 2 years.
Now, at the ages of 63 and 67 my wife and I have zero chance of ever owning a home again. We've never owned a new car, and my wife has worked at her position for 30 years with the same company, yet we can never seem to get ahead. Our last vacation was 7 years ago, while our kids and their families, along with my 2 sisters go on trips that we'd love to go on as well every year. We get to stay at home, but we have to be happy that others get to do what we wish we could do.
It's depressing, frustrating, and maddening all at the same time.

In 1992, after brain surgery I developed severe depression... So bad that within 2 months I had 3 suicide attempts. I figured that God wasn't done with me yet. I was later put on valproic acid which is a great mood stabilizer. They are my 'happy pills!' After being on them for years, I've learned to accept myself for who I am. I fear nothing in this life. I often approach strangers to tell them what a beautiful smile they have. I feel that people need encouragement these days. Most say I've made their day something special.
Thank God I now have a positive outlook on life. I love spreading my happiness around. I also have so much to be thankful for after all these 70 years of my life. Many of my prayers have been answered and my family loves me. They are ever so supportive of someone who hated his life once.

@papersoup
You sound exactly like I did or still do. The only advice I can give is to try not to listen to the anxiety and depression and try to find joy in whatever it may be a movie, forcing your self to leave the apartment to go do whatever even if its by yourself. Even if you have one friend you see once a month if that or none thats ok but dont let yourself become occupied with your thoughts. If a doctor brushes you off DO NOT LET them.

For me I isolated with those thoughts for too long which led to unhealthy habits, stopped exercising etc…which led to those anxieties to come true. I still have those thoughts except I now also have a physical illness on top which is taking away my mobility, ability to function and will be almost certainly homeless soon. The homeless part I have no control over as I cannot work anymore and do not have anyone.

I despise the saying “it could be worse” but I know its true because it happened to me and continues to as I physically keep declining. It is true hell to be both mentally and physically ill. I always wondered what would be worse.

you sound like me as in I could have wrote that word for word. My anxiety had me thinking at first someone who knows me wrote it to mock me.

I guess what Im trying to say is do not let these thoughts bring you to another level of suffering. A suicide attempt is not the only way to end up with permanent physical issues. Im living proof of that. Anxiety and depression led me to this as I ignored my physical health so now Im in both mental and physical pain.

Maybe its no help and its depressing what Im saying but just please dont let your thoughts become true because everything I worried and constantly thought about ended up actually happening. All those anxieties are/were a lie and now all I want is to go back to how I was living before when I was telling myself how shit my life is, have no friends etc. I really wish I could go back cause my life was actually pretty good despite of how shit I thought it was. NOW it is actual shit and Im doing all the things I stressed about.

This became a venting post for me but please dont let your anxieties and depression win and spiral to another level. I cant take my own suggestion/advice anymore but wish I had when I still could have.

Thats all I have and it may not be of help just what I am experiencing. so I guess what I am saying is do whatever you can to not let it get worse. Ive lost everything so at this point therapy or medication is not really an option and my physical illness is incureable and progressive.

I truely feel for you. Just warning to what can happen. I hate all the sayings too - be positive, it could be worse…I keep getting those now from people AFTER it DID get worse. So its not it could be worse but it can and will be if and there is a certain point you cant come back which is not death itself. Im not even 50 yet …. Maybe you will find one piece of advice from others that will help. Just trust you do not want to end up like me if you can avoid it

Nothing I can say ,you have already been told.But let me support you in the present.Maybe where you live is not conducive to meeting more people.Try to get out and do one thing you like doing.Take a fun class that you feel you will suck at.But do it for the fun.You might find a hidden talent.my best to you.co

Am not sure where your heart and mind are regarding God. I lived for years and years with depression. Decades of depression and anxiety, since childhood and I am still here.

First: do not give up. You are very young.

I was raised by parents who did not introduce me to our savior. He is called that because that is just what He is: your savior. God makes no mistakes. You are on earth for one reason, and one reason only: to do something HE wants you to do.

I was finally baptized at age 58; I was at the point of giving up. But I committed myself to living for God and God only because I could find no other reason to live as my life was in ruins by the time I was 16. Due to no fault of my own.

What is your dream life? You mention you have things you want to do but those things seem out of reach. Nothing is out of reach with God, believe me.

Life is long and patience with everything is key.

Don't give up. It only APPEARS that everyone has a wonderful life. Everyone has problems, you just don't see them. Call 988 when you need someone to talk to. Keep trying therapies until something helps. Try TMS. Keep putting yourself out there to meet people. Read "Making Friends as An Adult" and "How to Win Friends and Influence People." Get into group therapy or join something you are interested in in a MeetUp. Stay off of social media. Everyone's life looks perfect on social media because that is all they post.

We have all felt the same way you are feeling...but it will get better. Just keep plugging away one day at a time. Sending a hug your way...

@megidigo
Thanks I need more of that 🙏

Two other suggestions---get a pet and start exercising and getting outside!