Assisted-living, memory care: How did you find a good facility?

Those cupcakes and other garbage foods are gis enemy. If he wrests control of him impulses from them, he’ll look and feel better. I suspect that he knows that HE is his own worst enemy. Only HE can change that.

@scain I understand and agree but until there are changes in the tax laws or Medicare help how can they be paid more. Memory care is already at least $10K a month. We are middle class but after about 3 years I will have to sell our home and move into an apartment to be able to afford the memory care facility. An increase of 30% will certainly be passed on and more people will be forced to keep their LO at home with considerable burnout, maybe even increased medical problems themselves or suicide. Solution is not to just increase wages. There are serious consequences

With love and truth
Gerrie h

@ljkljk I suggest calling your county office of the Area Agency on Aging (federally funded, every county has one) and asking for an appointment. You may be eligible for a Waiver program, which provides money for homemaker/home health aide services in the home. The idea is that almost everyone entering a facility private-pay, if they live long enough, transfers to Medicaid, so keeping people in their own homes longer will save taxpayer money in the long run.
If your husband is a veteran, honorably discharged, call your county Office of Veterans Affairs and make an appointment. The VA also has a program for in-home care and there are facilities in each state that have assistive living and nursing home levels of care.
I strongly suggest getting info about that route versus thinking Medicaid will be your only option. I was surprised about how the VA handles things and that the veteran’s spouse is eligible for admission, if later needed.
Please don’t accept the broad brush statements that facilities that accept Medicaid or Veterans facilities are poorly run, poorly staffed, etc, etc. I worked in Home Care in a rural county for 32 years, was in and out of all the facilities, and later had my mother and now my husband in the one I liked best.
Finally, don’t sell your house- when you think it’s time to start looking into assistive living level of care, the Area Agency on Aging staff will help you identify facilities that accept Medicaid and help you fill out and file the Medicaid application. The state does a 5 year “look-back” to make sure assets haven’t been dumped- for example- large money gifts or sale of the house to adult children. Every state has rules against “spousal impoverishment”. They divide the assets between you and your spouse and will tell you how much you need to “spend down” and what is allowed for the spend-down, such as pre-paid funeral/burial plan, the monthly care expenses at the facility, medical and dental co-pays, etc. Once the spend-down is reached, the person converts to Medicaid. You live in your house as long as you want. When it’s sold, the net sale proceeds are divided in half and Medicaid garnishes the amount the state paid for his care, up to the amount of his share.
The VA has its own application and the Veterans office people will help you with that. I’ve spent a lot of time talking to them and researching state Medicaid vs the VA. I think VA is the financial way to go, although it will mean more driving for me. You have to try to protect yourself too.

@centre Thank you for all the information. My husband has a very high pension which will pay for his care for a long time. Problem is nothing is left for me to pay the mortgage, etc. Have way too much assets for VA aid or any aid until we spend all of it and then I might get a little for the VA as a spouse which may or may not be enough for me to pay essentials. I have already spoken with several VA benefit specialists. I prefer not to wipe everything out because I have an adult son who will need money to take care of him for the remainder of his life as he has issues and will certainly have medical problems as he doesn't take care of himself and he is a smoke. S..... I have begun looking into VAD in Switzerland. I have several health issues I think they will accept as they are liberal that way. This seems to be the best and kindest solution to our problems. I will have to let go of looking out for my husband but that is just the way it is. Too bad I will have to spend about $25K (maybe more if I have to pay someone to travel with me) to do this. That is my only concern but I am ever grateful that they make this an option. Too bad people have to travel from all over the world to take advantage. If I had looked into it a little sooner my husband would certainly have chosen that route as well but alas I don't think they would accept his statement at this point.

Tough situation. Most private pay facilities have a limited number of Medicaid beds but it requires you to pay for a set period like 2 years of the regular rate and exhaust your assets and savings and then they will take Medicaid but ONLY if there is an open Medicaid bed at the time. If there is not you could face eviction. Yes they toss people out of nursing homes and assisted living.

Staffing is awful and finding a good place is really hard. Have you considered care in your own home? Even a family member can provide care and be paid for it . Most states have programs to use Medicaid dollars to help cover those costs and other ways to let people age in place or stay in their home, apartment etc..

Id also encourage you to use technology , google speakers and set up things to turn on and off lights , make calls etc.. Google can be set to remind yo of things at set times and days and you can use it to ask questions and help stay current on things.

My Mom asks google the day and date every morning before she takes her morning medications. She has mild cognitive impairment and its been really helpful.

Another thing Im seeing now is the 55 and up apartment centers where you could possibly have help come in or live with you but benefit from the activities and socialization for longer.
An example of one is Forte living right there in Rochester MN. Look them up and what they do .

Best wishes!