Don’t ask how I am, if you don’t really want to know.

I'm sorry - it's awful to feel dismissed when you have shared deeply.
People often struggle with what to say or do. That's on them, not on you. It can hurt.
It's obvious that you love your mother very much and care for her, even though it is exhausting, and as you say, frustrating and sad.

The 'friend' that replies with the one word response, is the friend I would not tell how am I truly doing again. Those are the people you answer with 'fine' and carry on. A true friend will ask you what they can do to help, if even a quick trip to the grocery store for you or a short stay with mom so you can go get a massage, a hair cut, go for a walk, read a book in peace. And when that friend offers you something like that, please take them up on it because not only do you need that break however big or small it is, that friend will feel good about having helped you too. A real friend will have more than a one word response. I can fully relate to how you feel with the responsibilities you have on your plate right now. You are truly an angel for taking care of your mom and I want you to know that. So many have no-one in their late stages of life and death. What you are doing takes an incredibly strong person to do. You are compassionate, caring and someone who has true grit, that's you. If you have a trusted friend or family member, please do reach out and ask them for help in any way, big or small that you could use it right now. If you are like me, you do it all yourself and don't ask for help. I've learned to start saying yes to people who offer help, if even once in awhile. Take any break you can get. Hang in there and know you are not alone in this. The truth be told, nobody really 'gets it' until they are in the shoes you are in, but someone with true compassion and understanding will have more than a one word response.

@bano thank you for your kind words. The thing that hurt the worst is, I thought that was a true friend. To find out otherwise, and that I did, hurt like hell. Like you, I decided all she gets from this point forward is, I’m fine. Sad, but how it has to be. I have way too much going on to be hurt by someone I thought cared. I feel better about it today. I’ve come to peace with the outcome. I know I have a higher power motivating me and I’ve laid my heartache in His lap. All is well within my soul.

Amen! I have a theory about those folks. When we dumpster dump all our heartaches or frustrations they get to walk away feeling superior. The two ladies im thinking of rarely share there own struggles in return, and that is how Ive come up with my theory. I hope our misery provides them with some kind of twisted help. I no longer give them a pass because they “don’t know how to support someone”. We all have the responsibility to keep growing and learning about the challenges in someone else’s life. Not to carry my burden! Just to genuinely care, cry, and provide me with an occasional redirect of laughter.
Thanks for being real today!

I also care for my mom who is 97. Unless a person has walked in our shoes it is impossible for them to understand. When asked how she is, I say “fine” to the majority of people who ask, unless I am speaking to her doctors or someone who would really understand. For example, I have a friend who is a caregiver for her mother who is 100. When we speak, we support each other because we understand what our days are like. I also feel support from you and this online group. It helps to know there are so many of us care giving for our mothers and loved ones. Let’s keep supporting each others.

when checkout workers ask " how's your day been so far " or some such, I reply, " do you really want to know or are u just being polite,? they don't know how to respond.

@jc8 it is comforting, somehow to know others walk our same path. We are not alone.

one checkout person actually said " we are told to say that "

You are certainly not alone. I have been providing care for two cancer patients very close to me, back to back. It has been very hard. I definitely struggled with what to say to people that insisted they really wanted to know how I was doing because they did not really have any interest in how I was doing. My heart really goes out to you. I found that a very difficult position to be in. In the second of the two battles, no one even asks how I am doing. I don't know. I have no words of wisdom. I just wanted to add one more voice to the idea that you are not alone. I hope you are hanging in there. Please tell us how you are doing if you would like to. I promise to, at the very least, read it and take it in.

@nrocpop
I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with the same insensitivity I’ve experienced. Cancer suck, period.
I’ve laid it down in the Lords lap. I had to do it. I was crumbling to pieces, and self preservation kicked in. As a result, I have resigned myself to saying, “Im fine” when asked.
I wish you peace and love, and just want you to know.. I’d listen to you whenever you wanted to vent. Because what you think and feel really matters