Shame/blame feelings of cancer diagnosis

@maymore You are right, we know alot about what causes cancer, but which type of the 11 types of breast cancer? Yes, common sense would dictate to eat well, exercise, remove harmful chemicals from your life. Live a good life, a full life, a joyful, grateful life. And I am not saying it is just about luck. However two people could follow the same regime and have totally different outcomes. This is what I mean when I say we still know so little. So yes, have a positive mindset, do all the things above, but do them for your life NOW, so our time here is fulfilling.

@marymargaretsh—Sure, it is like the person who never smoked and gets lung cancer, but statistically speaking, that is very rare, but yes, it does happen. I agree Breast cancer is a different beast, but there are a lot of associations with its occurrence that we can control and having a functioning, healthy immune system is one of them.

The truth is, we know a lot about what causes cancer, and this knowledge can actually empower us because it shows many ways to prevent recurrence, which is now the main focus for most of us. I hope to encourage you to let go of shame and embrace life fully, especially since you've been given a second chance. I’m not just talking about the standard treatments your oncologist recommends. I'm referring to making intentional choices—such as eliminating harmful cosmetics and cleaning products, and choosing organic options whenever you can. It also involves filtering your water, making significant changes to your diet—like eating only organic whole foods, quitting alcohol, and eliminating sodas, refined sugar, and processed foods that you might not realize are harmful. It means changing your lifestyle and becoming more active by walking and exercising regularly. Others may not understand or might think you’re overdoing it, but please know that once you start these changes, everything will shift, and you'll feel a renewed sense of vitality. What I’m trying to emphasize is that it’s not just about luck. You have the strength to take control, to transform your environment, mindset, and physical habits (I started walking 6 miles a day), and to live a healthy, happy, and vibrant life free from guilt or shame.

As you note at the end of your post, there are a lot of different emotions associated with any disruption in life. When I was at the start of my breast cancer diagnostic process I went into therapy (luckily I previously had used a great one, and just went back.) A friend of mine got great support from a group led by a social work that was part of oncology at her cancer center. You could also try writing in a journal. I started keeping one at that time and still continue--even if just a one line per day. Probably different emotions are going to appear that could use some friendly attention in dealing with them. Keep in touch! I found Mayo Connect also helped a lot (which is how I got here.)

@jlwilcox
😅 oh...thank you ❤️ you made me smile...

Funny thing...my husband calls this support site my "cancer club"...it wasn't a club I was expecting to join, but this is a group of compassionate, caring people I sure want to be in a club with...oh, now I am crying because I feel so cared for by a group I never knew 2 weeks ago...

@mygoodgirls when I read your post it was like someone had been inside my head, over the past two weeks I have heard a dozen of news clips or read the articles on how 25% of breast cancers could have been prevented. How they are caused by diet, sedentary lifestyle, alcohol consumption and excess weight.
Every one of these angers me because they forget to talk about the 75% that aren’t from modifiable lifestyle choices.
I think these things are important prevention tools, but they are not helpful when talking to women who already have breast cancer. It just feels like blaming the patient.
I have genetic hits coming in from all sides and I still felt guilty when I was first diagnosed. I was also a rail thin equestrian who ate right and didn’t drink.
20 years ago if you didn’t have BRCA genetics they said it wasn’t genetic, my how things change huh? Where will this story be in 20 more years?
Can you think of all the ways you acted in kindness to others, or the ways you picked yourself and dusted yourself off and got back to life? Do you feel like you can forgive what you didn’t know and not take the blame?

I understand the surprise to hear a diagnosis...I just found out last week I have Breast Cancer, Pagets, a very rare cancer. I am one of those people viewed as super-fit, super healthy lifestyle, etc. did/do all the "right" things that doctors say to prevent cancer...lol

I have always reminded my kids that sometimes you can do all the "right" things, but still get sick cancer, etc. It means accepting we cannot control our destiny in every way.

Maybe the shock has not hit me yet, but one thing I do that helps is focus on internal peace..I like to say the serenity prayer a lot...if you are not religious, then even Buddha Zen wise man, says "Live well, Love well, and LET GO." It means to me, do your best, then just be peaceful.

If you focus, I have found, on believing that some good, some unintentional, unexpected good, will come from life's pain and trials, I think it give hope which gives peace. Peace helps to heal I believe. So, if you carry internal burdens, like anger, or not forgiving yourself for past mistakes, etc..I think you get peace when you do let go of the past and focus on the beauty of today, the gift that you can still see the sky, walk outside, no matter how cold, hear a bird, and enjoy a simple cup of coffee...please know you are not alone..there are many people who love and support you and pray for you even if you do not believe...wishing you peace dear

Been there done that. I am very sure that excessive stress, working too much and not being self aware caused cancer. Including nutrition.

I am Indian and when my mom first learned I had breast cancer, she said 2 things. It was God’s fault and its because I was over weight. My response was, if the last part were true, many more men would have breast cancer.
The diagnosis and recovery has been a journey. Listening to feedback, educating others, sharing what I did, etc.

I was interviewed for a cancer podcast asking how did I process the diagnosis, manage my emotions and manage cultural bias. I definitely think emotion plays a big role making the best decision, and without listening to other emotional people.
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-cancer-caregiver/id1504166813