How do I add aging issues to a life I have never been happy in?

@lacy2

When you spoke of how we are judged by others, I am reminded of something I wished I'd learned earlier in life.

What other people think of you is none of your business.

Has given me a wonderful sense of freedom.

@gravity3 ..and to take it one step further; sometimes we think we are being judged by others, but how can we really know what "others" are seeing in us.... gets complicated, J.

I sure know how you feel. I spent my whole life...my younger life, always thinking about how I look, or what I was wearing, or if there were men who be attracted to me. There weren't. The only men who were attracted to me were men who wanted something from me. It drove me crazy that there were very attractive women who knew how to talk to men and obtained their interest. I couldn't do that. Now I am 86. Very much alone and kicking myself for wasting all that time on things that I really brought me to a dead end...so to speak. When I look back, I think of the things I should have done instead. I should have learned things that would have made me feel good about myself. I wish I had learned to dance. It looks like it would be something that could make a person feel so free, and joyful. You don't even need a partner for that. I wish I had learned to play the piano much better than I was able to. That would feel very satisfying. I wish I could have learned to play the drums. I bet that could have gotten rid of a lot of frustration. I wish I could have gotten serious about a profession that I loved, and others would see me as knowledgeable and competent instead of just seeing what I looked like. Oh yes, and I wish I could have learned martial arts, to give me confidence, and give me the ability to defend myself. With that and dancing, I should have been in very good shape.

I can think of other things I wish I did that would give me self-confidence. To me, self-confidence is the most attractive thing about a man or woman. I think it would have given me the chance to find someone who is not so shallow as to just look for a woman who is "hot".

I don't know how old you are, but I think you would benefit by changing your focus from your looks and how beautiful other women are, to focusing on finding things that will make you feel good about yourself and give you self-confidence. Let whatever happens after that, happen naturally without trying to force it. You are responsible for your own happiness, don't think you have to have someone else to make you happy.

It's too late for me.

@mariannewmoon It isn’t to late for you!! We are right where we are supposed to be! One kind smile from you to someone makes a difference! One kind word can make their entire day.! It has me! Tryst me, the world is a better place with you in it. You may not realize it but others do!!!

@bewildered
I am going by what my Plastic Surgeon advised:
a) He said after 'A Certain Age' the chances of surgery causing other problems could increase (due to the anesthesia/discomfort/pain relieving medications/etc. that follow the surgery).
b) As we Age it takes longer to recover from surgery (no matter what kind of surgery it is).
c) As well, as the face ages it may reach a point where the results won't be as effective/satisfactory as doing it when you're a little younger.
Remember, we're All like Snowflakes, no 2 are alike. Hope this helps.

@margaretfriel That makes sense, thank you. Did you have a Neck and Facelift or just Face?

I've received many tender responses to my little story about seeing my wrinkles in the mirror.
I'm very touched by them. Thank you!

I hope it's not a mistake to share something about myself.

By my early twenties I was aware that I had regular mood swings, up - down every 2 or 3 months. Sometimes light, sometimes self-destructive.
I self-medicated with non-stop coffee and Camel cigarettes. It was a way to keep moving, but it didn't support a dependable work life. I survived, but sometimes it was a miracle.
One other miracle: my urge to smoke went away in libraries and bookstores. I spent a lot of time looking for...the book...the book...the book that would teach me what I needed.
At the age of 40 I found _The Hidden Addiction and How to Get Free_ by Jan Keller Phelps.
I stopped smoking! I learned to eat healthy foods. It was a lot to learn.

I began learning a profession that would allow me to work with my mood swings.
It was not easy, I made many mistakes, but I learned to deal with myself and maintain a professional reputation.
I helped others to learn.

37 years later, I'm not much different. My moods still swing and I can be very oversensitive, but I've learned to recognize myself. I don't react to myself, I just observe myself, knowing these are my feelings, and they will change. I don't bang against the walls. I'm even starting to understand why I am the way I am.

So, I'd suggest to others: You are who you are, and you probably won't change. Try to look kindly on yourself. And on others. If it hurts it's because it's not easy. Try to accept your journey. Try to enjoy the scenery. And my hope for you is that sometimes your walk will be a little lighter.
Sometimes the music may touch your heart.