MCI with Aphasia: How to help my partner feel included?

A difficult situation, to be sure.

I would ask... If the roles were reversed, would you want your husband to offer a subtle hint to your friends?

I don't have MCI, but I am disabled by a stroke. I am very uncomfortable in public. I don't really feel left out of conversations... just everything else.

@scottrl Thank you for your reply. Your situation sounds very challenging also. I think if I am more cognizant while we are around our friends I might be able to see what is happening from his perspective. I’ve also wondered where he is looking. This might not be one sided. Hang in there and I’ll do the same.

@mickey5455 Thank you.
I'm trying to make the best of it. People have told me that my journey is inspiring, so three years ago I started a YouTube channel, "From Recovery to Discovery".
https://m.youtube.com/@srlucado/videos
I've also given a couple of talks locally, and just the other day the first part of an interview with me was posted on YouTube.
The online presence is a stark contrast to my home life, which is quite isolated due to my lack of mobility. For example, it's been six years since I had lunch with a friend.

Your husband's symptoms--difficulty with word finding and technology--are exactly the same things I began noticing in my husband at least 5 years ago, probably more. It's hard to pinpoint. He is now 79 and has been diagnosed with moderate dementia, probably a mix of Alzheimers and FTD. Hopefully, your husband will not progress to that point. But I would watch for more memory loss and signs of loss in what's called executive function. (I had to look that up when I first heard the term!) In the meantime, you are doing the right thing to socialize and try to include him in the conversation. Those who know him well will notice something is "off" so there isn't a need to clue them in. Those who are real friends will continue to interact, but be prepared that some may drift away. I've found that people find it more difficult to deal with cognitive issues than physical ones. So keep your good friends close, as they will become your support group if/when things progress. I hope this hasn't been too much of a downer, but knowing the possibilities ahead of time would have been helpful for me years ago. This group is very good to have found.

@mickey5455, you might be interested in these (somewhat) related blog posts by Mayo experts:
- Should I Tell My Family About My MCI? https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog/living-with-mild-cognitive-impairment-mci/newsfeed-post/should-i-tell-my-family-about-my-mci/
- Who Else Besides Family Should I Tell About My MCI?https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog/living-with-mild-cognitive-impairment-mci/newsfeed-post/who-else-besides-family-should-i-tell-about-my-mci/
- “I Already Told You That”- When Memory Affects Communication https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog/living-with-mild-cognitive-impairment-mci/newsfeed-post/i-already-told-you-that-when-memory-affects-communication/

Maybe more related is this discussion:
- How does sharing diagnosis of Alzheimer's affect patient?https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/how-does-sharing-diagnosis-of-alzheimers-affect-patient/

It must be hard on your husband noticing that he's not being included. Even simple eye contact helps people be seen. Are you able to share with your friends privately to be more concientious about including him?

In my professional life I was a speech pathologist and often worked with receptive and expressive language disorders. Best strategy I found for conversations with adults who had word recall problems in the midst of trying to express themselves was to interject an “I wonder if you are saying (fill in the blank for the elusive word or phrase). Most often the person would smile and say YES! Repeating the word or phrase back to me. It reduced the stress level and allowed conversation to continue. Not talking for them, per se, but clarifying for ME, took a lot of stress off the person struggling and often allowed them to continuing to converse. Just a thought.

I want to thank everyone for all the ideas and help. I have quietly let our friends know he feels left out of the conversation when there is no eye contact when he tries to speak. So far everyone has been very helpful. I also noticed when we were facing each other talking in a restaurant, he tends to look over my shoulder. I guess it’s a personal habit I’m not going to change or bother him with. He hasn’t mentioned it since so either what I am doing is working or the MCI has let him forget. He gets his care through the VA and we will be going to speech therapy next week. I’m hoping to get some good ideas for me and also help for him.

@mickey5455
Yes, sometimes the forgetting with MCI can be a blessing, especially if the person use to hang on to every little offense for days. It's kind of a relief that now with MCI, they just move on or they don't comprehend the offense....that part of it can make home life a bit more peaceful. 💕☮️