My Diabetes 2 Backwards Numbers---Anyone else?

Thanks for your positive response, but as I've been told over and over in the year since I was diagnosed, we are all different. I live in the middle of nowhere. I do not drive because of panic attacks, and I have no friends. So going to a gym or getting to a pool are not in the plan because of distance. I have a close spiritual bond with my Christianity, so that brings me peace when I get depressed. There isn't a coffee shop for miles. My one goal was to teach; it's all I ever wanted to do, and I did it for 42 years until I had to retire. That day was my first death. I cannot explain the passion I had for teaching. There is nothing else that could possibly replace it. I have read and researched diabetes for hours on end and resent the time I have to spend that way. I would never get out of the house to walk because it is rural and I consider it dangerous. I eat basically the same thing every day, and my husband does too since I never cooked until I got this disease. I know that I'll never get well; diabetes will kill me. I never considered the Golden Age of Retirement and I despise being a senior citizen too. So, Just about every day is the same for me.
Again, I appreciate your response.

retiredteacher

Retired teacher, well I definitely feel for you and I can hear your cry for help loud and clear. I know what it feel like to be im a box and feel like there's no way out. But there always is a way out. I know that a famous doctor has said when you feel depressed that the best your to do for your own mental health is find someone in need and help them. There is so much you can do by phone. There are suicide prevention hotlines that are routed to a volunteer's phone number. You seem like a very giving person.

Thanks for your comments, ihatediabetes. I had a professor who also said there is always an alternative. That was years ago; he was right, and I found an alternative----a third teaching job besides the two I already had. It presented a challenge, and I loved it. But, that ended, and then another challenge presented itself, and that was a teaching thrill. However, I am a recluse and I am in a box. I have all my life been a Steel Magnolia---strong and determined. But, since I no longer drive and since I have this deadly disease, I prefer to Be Still and Know. I don't like to go anywhere, if I can help it, and I spend my days reading and researching diabetes.
I again am thankful for your response. I hope you are in control of this disease, as much as anyone can be.
retiredteacher

I don't worry too much about diabetes. Instead I focus on healthy lifestyle. I'm doing healthy living program at Mayo. So my program is nutrition, physical activity, and resilience. Then if I do these three things well my Diabetes and weight will naturally be stable. I also think if my diabetes gets worse I can always cut carbs. I'm not taking meds because I eat less carbs and exercise more to keep a1c reasonable. I also just do a1c and not daily monitoring. I could not monitor myself daily.

@retiredteacher I'm glad to see that you are getting some new ideas - keep in touch and let us know how you are doing. We look forward to hearing from you again. Teresa

@retiredteacher Since you are leading a rather solitary life, I am glad that you have connected with us at Mayo Clinic Connect. I hope that you can build confidence in this online community that might help you to reach out personally to others in your own neighborhood. (By the way, you mention, "I have this deadly disease." Are you referring to diabetes or something else?) While diabetes is a serious disorder, most doctors and patients with diabetes would consider it controllable with diet, exercise and medicine. Best wishes and keep in touch with us. I wish you peace, happiness and joy as you connect with others. Teresa

Hi Teresa,
Thanks for your note. I have never lacked confidence; in fact, I was a control freak and usually in charge! That was when I was teaching. I remained outgoing until I had to walk away from teaching. I will never get over that, and the part of me that died is a part I will mourn until I die. I do believe diabetes is a deadly disease because it affects every part of the body in a bad way. They may not list diabetes as cause of death on the certificate, but it's the underlying reason for kidney failure, heart attacks, pancreas, liver, teeth, hearing, eye problems, and everything else. So, I think it is a really dangerous, deadly disease that kills. I see ads for different meds on TV and they often give numbers for those who have this disease and numbers who will die. That's why I read and research constantly. I also occasionally experiment with different foods because I am so limited for what works that I really need some other choices. So far I have found nothing but chicken and mostly the few green vegetables I can get where we live. I have no idea who lives in my neighborhood. I really am not interested in knowing them. They go to work and have their own activities. My connection is through my computer and emails. I do not do any social media like Face Book. I am connected to this forum and to one other one. That's enough for now.
I appreciate your comments and suggestions.
retiredteacher

I hope all of you have had a good week. I have had better morning numbers. I have analyzed my evening eating patterns to try to see what is not allowing my number to be lower in the morning. Afternoon numbers have been 100 or lower all week. So if I had my afternoon numbers in the morning and my morning numbers in the afternoon, I would be well within the good range. Unfortunately, it just doesn't work that way for backwards me. I have increased my exercise time but still am not able to do high power exercises. I am not losing weight. That puzzles me because with eating right and exercising, I should lose at least a pound or two a week. Not sure why that's not happening. All in all I am pleased with this week. I hope others have had success in all/some areas this week too.

Have a good weekend, everybody..
retiredteacher

Hello Retired Teacher! I can tell you from experience that panic attacks will cause havoc with your sugar levels. I have risen and then dropped 150 points during panic attacks, on several occasions. I take medicine for them occasionally, but some of those med's can cause a lot of weight gain. I was not a teacher, but my story is like yours--my driving is limited because of the anxiety attacks, and I have to depend on my wife to drive me around. Because she works over 60 hours a week, I do not get to leave my house too often. This is how I cope with my situation: I walk on the treadmill 5 or 6 days a week, I eat the best I possibly can (in spite of loving chocolate) and I pray and read my bible daily. I also like like old time TV shows and movies--love comedies mostly, and mysteries. And then I try to leave all the rest of my worries and fears with the Lord! I don't always succeed, some days I am downright discouraged. Please know that you are not alone, I struggle daily too. May God Bless in your struggle!

@retiredteacher One of the problems we have with diabetes, especially type 2, is that we really do not know everything that can cause it. My numbers run all over the place like a bunch of toddlers playing jacks. Everything I can put a name to that can be gauged is impacted and and impacts my diabetes, and behind that to my Amyloidosis, Gelsolin. I can pinch myself down to eating nothing, and taking big doses of insulin and I still get readings well over 300 and under 60 in a few hours. My pancreomegaly is growing. Anyway, my point is that with a lot of this all we can do is keep trying, and taking meds, and exercising, and whatever, knowing that some place we are missing something which we probably do not know about it yet. I have a room full of experts telling me that I am doing it all wrong, but they disagree with each other on what I should change. I can not afford to change anything else except to quit taking meds.