Regret: A decision made and I've lost purpose & motivation

@carol222 Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect.

I think we all do things we regret. It's part of being human. Sometimes it doesn't feel like there is anything wrong at the time, and later we come to understand we might have handled things differently, and had a different outcome. I'm sorry this has caused you to dwell negatively on yourself.

Perhaps, pick up a pen and paper. Write yourself a letter, and tell the story of the regret, how it has affected you, and what you would like to do now. What you might have done differently. What you would like to promise yourself to turn that mis-step into a pathway to your passions and happiness now. I truly believe we have the opportunity to change a negative into a positive. Not saying it is easy, and may be quite the struggle, but the rewards can be enormous.

Does this sound like something you might try?
Ginger

@triciaot Thank you. This is a very helpful response. I will check out that book. It sounds promising. Appreciate your time and thoughtfulness.

@gingerw Thank you. I think this is a good suggestion. I'll give it a shot. Thanks for your time and thoughtfulness.

@rashida we musicians know that, in performance there’s no time to worry about a mistake, the music must go on…and we resolve that when a mistake happens, to make the best of each moment going forward, (almost) like that mistake didn’t happen…just a little ‘upbeat’ philosophy for the ‘down’ moments we all experience…wishing you better days ahead !

I can relate, I am the Queen of Woulda-Shoulda-Coulda and the joke in my house is “It’s ….insert my name’s….fault”, because I usually try to figure out some way I could have been responsible for something wrong. I’ve done this since I was a young child—my mom had stories.

BUT, please, dear person, know that although regret and guilt are strongholds of the mind and emotions that I know I battle with, in Jesus we are truly forgiven when we go to Him with it and then turn from it. I have been studying on this a bit lately. He scatters our sins/regrets “as far as the east is from the west” and remembers them no more. So then it is our job to accept what He graciously gives and live in it (if the God of the universe and all creation forgives, who are we to not accept?). Now we ARE allowed to have to live with the consequences of our sins/wrongs/mistakes at times, and that is challenging too. I hope that after forty years any consequences have dissipated. But please know that the slate can be wiped clean in Jesus. A good counselor can help with refocusing thinking and accepting that you have hope and a future. I wish you every blessing in healing and peace.

@carol222 you have to be willing to do something you've never done to feel something you've never felt (since your 'decision'). Maybe try connecting to a higher power??? I choose to call mine God. It works for me. I was healed from years of depression. Another thought: watch your own thoughts. They determine what we feel. I wish you the best. You sound like you have a wonderful life.

Carol, I am 82, and hold tight to the belief that everybody has a past—some good, some bad, some indifferent. Mine would likely be defined by many as bad, but oh well. I own it. You are living a decent life now—good for you. Grasp what is left with gratitude and don’t dwell on the past. It is over. I watch a video on You Tube called Out of the Woods. Basically, it involves 20 minutes or so of watching the man saw different types of wood. His mantra is that every time he saws into a log, it is like opening a gift—you never know what you will find. I try to live every day like that. It is a gift, and you don’t know what is inside until you open it. If I could live my life over, I would live it very differently, but I can’t. So I just try to do my best now—all I can do. Good thoughts winging your way. Bette

@bettes Thank you. Appreciate your comments. Do you have any thoughts about getting back to a practice you loved and can't seem to be able to do it?

I guess it depends on what the practice is, and what your expectations are for engaging in it successfully. If failing is going to make you feel bad, maybe you need a new outlet instead. If, however, you are a tough old bird and not demanding perfection of yourself, give it a shot and see what happens. Sounds like both of us have good minds (I work, too), thank goodness, and can make decent choices about what is and what isn’t smart for us. Wish we lived close. I think we could be friends.

@carol222 No, definitely not a therapist. But I have counselled people, adults of all kinds, all my adult life, and sometimes they need a direct approach. It won't be the case with you, so I will respectfully bow out of this conversation, but not without wishing you full success in your desire to find peace. Blessings be upon you. 😀