Throwing money away: Balancing between autonomy & watchfulness

My husband with LBD doesn't leave the house alone anymore. However, we went through a time when he was ordering items off the internet and charging them on his credit card. Many t-shirts and random items. Sometimes the shirts were the wrong size, or other items weren't what he thought they were, so I had to return them. We have an agreement now that if he wants to order something, he should show it to me first. Not necessarily for approval, but to review and make sure it is what he thinks. After a credit card bill of over $300, he agreed to this arrangement. It works for now.

I have a POA for finances and healthcare, most bills are in my name or both, and I manage the bank accounts.

It's a hard fine line to walk between independence and dignity and protecting your finances.

Caregiving is hard, and we grieve for the partnership we've lost. It's tough not to get resentful and angry about taking on additional responsibilities. I try to focus that resentment and anger at the disease and not my husband. I'm not always successful.

I understand the sadness in realizing your loved one no longer has the capacity to manage your financial matters, especially if he has been the one to do so all along. Last year I was advised to get my husband's permission in writing for me to manage his IRA which is in his name. Our financial planner came over and suggested to him that this was a good idea and he agreed. Now it is I who does all the financial chores including paying bills, making the necessary purchases and gathering the materials for the tax returns. also house maintenance and repairs, same for our cars. He does not drive now and can no longer use his phone or the internet so I don't have any issue with him spending money. Recently his driver license expired and I did not renew it. He can use his passport for any ID requirements though other than new doctor's appointments, I can't think of when we would need an ID. Last night for the first time in a very long time I was near tears. I just felt completely spent and fantasized about a fun getaway just me, no responsibilities, maybe get drunk and sleep for days. Just thinking about it made me feel better!

@pdraayer thank you for sharing and validating that it is a hard fine line to walk between independence, dignity and protecting finances, The disease is brutal. My husband can't separate out the disease and who he is and self deprecates when he sees me take responsibility. It's hard for me to sort out what he can't and can do as the disease is fickle at best until each day I get a wow which feels like a gut punch and I say to myself, Really? And then I tighten the reigns to keep him safe as well as our finances. Driving is being addressed now too. He is able bodied and scores moderate to severe with cognitive decline on the Global Dementia scale. It feels like there is no "us" anymore. I have so much decision fatigue. This little tome here feels like a journal entry, a safe place for me to feel seen and for me to see myself. Thank you for seeing me here.

@captainoftheship I'm sorry, it sounds like you're having a really bad day. There are too many trials and tribulations that pop up in our surprise life. Ugh, the self deprecation is horrible, just makes you feel crapier about everything you're going through and more alone, again. I'm feeling the no more "us", as well. Decision fatigue is a good description of one of the many issues, and it's not just the decisions, H doesn't think about the many little things he used to do for you that you just have the take a breath and do yourself now. adding to the overall load.
You are seen. Aren't we all lucky about one thing, we understand each other and always have this place to unload.