Help: Caring for someone and dealing my own physical limits

Goldie, the not being alone part is why I am here. I relate to much of what you have said and sunsetchris.....whew. I feel for you. My husband has many health issues from his time in Vietnam. Just a few years back I finally got him to really go to the VA. He gets 100% disability from them for his medical issues. I wish he would stick with them for a few other things. They are not the easiest to deal with. He has PTSD, which is possibly a big part of the root of his depression but VA keeps dismissing it. He can come off well when needed but around the house.....! He thinks he is so independent but it is overwhelming all I have to do to make life run smoothly while he is too depressed to do much. And of course, his health issues exacerbate all that. He retired 10 years ago so now has all the time in the world to focus on being miserable LOL! He has every reason why everything is so much easier for me. It's nice to know we are not alone.We need to feel our own importance and do accordingly. Whether that means going out for a walk, meditate at the park, get our nails done or seek off to a movie. We need to feed our own souls. Also. medicare does pay for some services. We need to be our own advocate sometimes to get some of these. Ask your Dr or his.

@crabby55
The best way to describe our situation is to say it has been a "nightmare". The medical profession seems to be unable to help either one of us. I pray for a miracle. God Bless You.

I have met so many who have lived thru "hell" and I can't believe they survive it. I feel there is nothing that will take away the pain and suffering. When will it end?

@goldie01 - I just found your thread, and although it’s been months since you posted, I hope this finds you.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry you have had to endure the selfishness and cold abandon of “family and friends”. I know all too well how easily they turn and live their lives. It happens to me almost daily.
Others have asked you if you’ve spoken up, and asked for help. I ask, why haven’t they noticed you need help? I empathize with you so deeply. Others choose to see what’s convenient and safe for them to see. People like us, we have no choice but to see the daily reality of our lives. It’s hard. Bottom line, it’s hard, frustrating, unfair and lonely. I know if all. All of it so well. We have pain of our own, we are tired, we want to have a life too. I know, I know…
I pray all the time for strength and understanding. I thank God for my blessings. They are many, and I’m thankful for each one. The warmth of my home, the food on my table, the beautiful blue sky. I’m thankful.
Goldie, I know there will be a day when people like us will live our lives to the fullest. We will be happy. We will smile and laugh… Stay strong Goldie. I feel your pain, I really do. You’re not alone.

Do not despair.

I've had my share of problems in the past years, especially since being disabled by a stroke and being in constant, intense pain ever since.

And I know people who have it much, much worse than I do.

Some common traits that I've seen in survivors:

Gratitude. Not just as an occasional practice, but as a way of life.
Belief in God (or some higher power).
Determination. An unwillingness to acknowledge even the possibility of quitting.
Endurance. Taking each day as it comes.

There are others that I'm sure I'm overlooking. And as Winston Churchill said, "When you're going through hell, keep going!"

I would call it worse than Hell. Its pure torture and not quitting.
I was interviewed for a cancer podcast where I was asked how did I do it. I was my own caregiver mostly, after surgery, I had minimal support with chemo and now struggle with side effects of 2nd treatment for breast cancer as a man. I did not know who would be there to support.

The hardest part of any challenge is how to manage your emotions and of those around you. I have faith, but did not bring God into the picture. What I needed, God could not provide. I had to stay focused, found strength that I didn’t know I had and kept moving without knowing when I could rest. I had several days where I didn’t want to continue with chemo. I was driving myself to/from treatment, 6 hrs of med, then crashing for 4 days, and working from home. Work gave me purpose, and good distraction. I was self-imprisoned at home for 12 weeks, until chemo ended. Then more fun came in the form chemo fog, and other physical ailments.

I have support now but until life happens again, believe in yourself to overcome.

This is my podcast interview -
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-cancer-caregiver/id1504166813

You are not wrong. I felt as I was living in a true nightmare. Sometimes, it didn't even feel real. Nothing is normal as you know it. You feel like it's never going to end and sometimes you are afraid of what the end is. After transplant there is relief. My husband is still not back to "normal", but the threat is over. He's 2.5 years post transplant. This site helped me thru. Friends and family are wonderful, but unless you have lived it, you can't grasp what's going on. This is a great place to ask questions, compare situations, vent, and update your situation. People here really care. Everyone is pulling for you. God bless.

The persistence will show itself when least expected. Talk to the Lord, pray for better days. He only hands us what he knows we can take. Good Luck. Lean on the people on this site and ask for help. You're only 1 person for gosh sakes!!

@malebreastcancer47 Since you have faith, I believe God was supporting you even though you didn’t ask him. 🙏🏻

It was also my dad. He passed 3 yrs prior, in 2020. When I least expected, he was there to calm me during procedures I endured alone. Had he been alive, he would not have been able to accompany me due to being physically handicapped.
Sometimes life happens for a reason.