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How do I tell my family I want to quit treatment just so I can die?
I have major depressive disorder and I’m ready to go. I got MS in my early twenties, it’s been 10 years. Granted, treatment is going well. But I really don’t want to continue treatment anymore. I’ve been told by my doctors that, without any treatment, I’ll have 5 years to live—maybe—but that’s what I want. I want to be done. I can’t figure out how to explain to my family that I’m stopping my treatment and accepting death when, really, treatment is working for me. I’ll admit, depression plays a huge part in it but that’s also a disease I want to be done with. I see passing from MS as a more acceptable way to go for my family than just offing myself behind their backs. But, since treatment is working, I feel like a huge POS to be even thinking about this. I’m tried of doctors, I’m tired of tests, I’m tired of infusions and I’m tired period. Any advice? Is this a more acceptable suicide?
(Please, don’t comment on here trying to change my mind. I will ignore you.)
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@oodlesofeep: as @colleenyoung stated, I did provide some links to organizations about end-of-life choices. While those links may provide some insight as to conversations there are other matters to consider in this particular situation: specifically, the difference between ending care and ending life. Expressing a wish to die, compounded by this physical condition and depression, is a serious matter worthy of deeper discussion. I can certainly understand feeling overwhelmed and frightened at the prospects that have been laid out before you.
Stopping disease modifying intervention is a medical decision that every patient has a right to decide. It's important to consider if this decision is being based on current treatment vs. the potential for what the future may involve - as there is no certainty as to what that might entail. A 5 year decline with multiple hospitalizations is at best an estimate and not a certainty. There are significant advances being made in MS treatment that may significantly alter the course of what your doctors are currently predicting. So to make a decision now on discontinuing current and ongoing treatment based on the possibility of what the future may hold is a potentially premature decision. I'm wondering if having a discussion with your medical providers about such advances could factor into a possible difference in their outlook. An additional consideration is that stopping treatment would still allow you to pursue symptom control options as the MS follows its natural course, while not being an action in and of itself to cause death. Prognosis in MS is very variable as functional decline is not necessarily linear or predictable. These are things worth bearing in mind.
The right to die on your own terms is an issue that is being weighed not just in this country but throughout the world. In fact, there is an article in the NY Times devoted to this very issue: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2025/12/09/science/medically-assisted-dying-laws.html so you can see the complexities involved.
If this remains something you truly want to consider going forward, as Colleen mentoned it may very well benefit you to have an advocate. An end-of-life doula (EOLD) could be such a liaison when and if that time comes. There are online resources to find a qualified EOLD. Would you like me to share those with you?
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3 Reactionsits difficult sometimes unless you have to put yourself in their shoes and
walk that mile.
at to which i have done a couple too many times. with that said God Bless
and have a blessed evening.
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