How do I tell my family I want to quit treatment just so I can die?

@oodlesofeep: as @colleenyoung stated, I did provide some links to organizations about end-of-life choices. While those links may provide some insight as to conversations there are other matters to consider in this particular situation: specifically, the difference between ending care and ending life. Expressing a wish to die, compounded by this physical condition and depression, is a serious matter worthy of deeper discussion. I can certainly understand feeling overwhelmed and frightened at the prospects that have been laid out before you.

Stopping disease modifying intervention is a medical decision that every patient has a right to decide. It's important to consider if this decision is being based on current treatment vs. the potential for what the future may involve - as there is no certainty as to what that might entail. A 5 year decline with multiple hospitalizations is at best an estimate and not a certainty. There are significant advances being made in MS treatment that may significantly alter the course of what your doctors are currently predicting. So to make a decision now on discontinuing current and ongoing treatment based on the possibility of what the future may hold is a potentially premature decision. I'm wondering if having a discussion with your medical providers about such advances could factor into a possible difference in their outlook. An additional consideration is that stopping treatment would still allow you to pursue symptom control options as the MS follows its natural course, while not being an action in and of itself to cause death. Prognosis in MS is very variable as functional decline is not necessarily linear or predictable. These are things worth bearing in mind.

The right to die on your own terms is an issue that is being weighed not just in this country but throughout the world. In fact, there is an article in the NY Times devoted to this very issue: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2025/12/09/science/medically-assisted-dying-laws.html so you can see the complexities involved.

If this remains something you truly want to consider going forward, as Colleen mentoned it may very well benefit you to have an advocate. An end-of-life doula (EOLD) could be such a liaison when and if that time comes. There are online resources to find a qualified EOLD. Would you like me to share those with you?

its difficult sometimes unless you have to put yourself in their shoes and
walk that mile.
at to which i have done a couple too many times. with that said God Bless
and have a blessed evening.

@colleenyoung is there a support group or means of communicating with other patients in this situation…?

Am glad you liked my post and I hope you are having a good day today, mine
is and that makes me happy to see the rest through.

@jodimj, there are several discussions about end of life considerations, when to end treatment, decision making etc. Here are a few examples:
- Life after treatment: What I plan to do next, what about you?https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/stopping-tratment/
- Talking Frankly about Living with Advanced Cancer https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/talking-frankly-about-living-with-advanced-cancer/
- Going my way: Decided to stop cancer treatments https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/going-my-way/
- Choosing palliative care; what is your experience?https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/choosing-palliative-care-what-is-your-experience/

You can also search for other related discussions in the Cancer: Managing Symptoms group https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/cancer-managing-symptoms/

You could go to a therapist to support you and explain it clearly to your family. You have to just tell them this is your decision and they have to accept it. will get ugly guaranteed and it is not fair to them to invite their input. It is solely your decision. I am behind you. I definitely think we have the right to decide to end it.

A man in our church was a quadriplegic and had other serious health issues. One day as I was visiting him in a sub par nursing home, he asked me if he would go to heaven if he stopped taking the meds that were just extending his life artificially. I guess I kind of gave him permission to refuse the medications, knowing that he had faith in God, and he didn't live very long after he stopped taking the meds. He had no "quality of life", though that isn't always a reason to end one's life, but as his pastor, I knew he was ready to go. He passed peacefully in his sleep, leaving behind the pain and suffering.

I'm a suicide survivor (selfish is an inappropriate description), and knowing what I do now, 25 years later, I have confidence that if I had not survived, I would have woken up in heaven. I was frankly disappointed that I woke up in my own bed.

Suicide is an uncomfortable word for many people. Spoken in a group of people, it's an instant conversation breaker. Any mention of death can be challenging. But it's part of the natural cycle of life. I choose every day to live another day, another week, another month, or just another hour. For me, it's a decision to make often. Most people never give it a thought. They're fortunate. Mental distress is hard to live with.

Jim

My father, at age 89 and suffering from an untreatable and inevitably worsening respiratory condition owing to asbestos exposure in the early 60s, did not want to go into a long term care facility, nor did he want to burden me with this responsibility (my sister preceded him in death, so it was entirely on me). When he reached the point where he was unable to make his own bed even with maximum oxygen, he did as he always said he would. He ceased his medication and oxygen and quit eating and drinking water. He was gone within four days (but not before calling my then-teenaged kids to say goodbye and also ordering a birthday present for me; he was something).

I understood what he was doing and why, and at his request did not fly to his home to keep watch (I live several thousand miles from where I grew up). I kept my mom in the dark (she no longer lived with him, having moved to be near me for her long term care). She would have judged it a suicide and believed he went to Hell for it, and with little time left herself, I saw no point in letting her know. I feel my decision not to tell her was correct under the circumstances.

My wife, who my parents adored, understood as well and was a tremendous help to me. And despite their young ages, my kids both got it too.

Most of my extended family, including both of his sisters, were supportive when I told them how he had gone.

Unlike myself, a 99% atheist as I like to say (will convert for materially verifiable evidence), most of my extended family members are quite religious. One of my cousins was horrified that I had supported my dad in his wishes and fully disowned me.

I've never had any second thoughts about letting him go even though I hated doing so.

My mom went into steep decline after his death, and since she had major health issues and refused to say how she wanted her treatment managed, I decided to have the care facility provide palliative care and nothing else. I do struggle with that one, but since I think similarly to my father, it seemed the most logical choice. She was suffering the onset of dementia, having developed paranoia and delusions, was emotionally miserable, and she was only going to get worse both physically and mentally.

Like him, I've been active all of my life and don't want to be unable to care for myself or put my own kids or wife in the position of needing to do so. But not everyone feels this way.

If you choose this path, I can understand why. I'd likely consider doing likewise in your position, although if treatment was working, I'd wait until the condition outstripped the ability of doctors to maintain a decent quality of life.

From my experience I would say that there will likely be a mixture of opinions from those you leave behind, ranging from full understanding to full condemnation. You'll have to decide your feelings on that question regardless of this, but it sounds like you already have.

I truly feel for you. You are in an unbearable state, both physically and psychologically. I hope my experience can help with your next move.

Hi,I have advanced MS. I too has been where you're at. I've been hopeless and I'm just giving care treatment too. Just want to go to heaven, but you sound so young. I don't know how old you are. They say I've had MS since the early 90s but I didn't get diagnosed until 2018. My whole left side is really screwed up and confined to a wheelchair. Tell me a little bit about your story. Maybe we can talk.

I have had MDD since I was 16, although at that time no body really knew much about it. I will be 80 in July. Living with this condition for 64 years has been challenging. I have attempted suicide once, and considered it many times. Two and a half years ago, I took a fall and landed in the hospital for almost a week, and in rehab for two weeks. I have not recovered fully. I have a headache every day, and I have lost a lot, mentally, especially in comprehension. I no longer go out, to church, or anywhere, really, and physically - I seem to have lost my balance and strength all at once. My life has been reduced to a pinprick of light. On some days the pinprick turns into a ray. On other days I sleep much of the day. I have no desire to continue living, but I am unwilling to try suicide again for fear of failing. I have no family or friends to tell how I feel. I have thought of starving myself, but fear I would be force-fed. I don’t know what to do. Blessings.