And the Academy Award goes to... Pretender

Your assessment of your brother sounds spot on. Even if you had been passed out drunk and ESPECIALLY if you had been passed out drunk, he should have stepped in and helped his father with his mother. And you say he's a physician? I guess he's one of those who spend 15 minutes or less with patients and leaves everything else to the nurses.

If your parents financial situation is such that they could afford assisted living, that would be the ideal choice based on what you've said. Whatever happens, though, suicide is not the answer for you. Move out with no guilt before you do something so final.

@upgirl2013 It must so hard, waiting for an appointment, but I think the Mayo Clinic is♡♡ among the very best there is and I hope you get an appt soon. ♡♡

You are very kind. I am so grateful for all the luck I have had along this
journey and if there's a way to help others who are walking this rocky
road, I am eager to do so.

@jatonlouise I showed my husband your note in the Mayo Clinic Connect chat and shared how your note gave me a different perspective "of what he might be going through every day" - a different view from what I had when he was first diagnosed. You were so detailed in your note, so aware, so precise in your words, that I realized, that although you and your husband may notice a difference in your cognitive abilities, you are still very aware of the world around you, and therefore my husband is too. It was a great way for me to start off the New Year, with hope that his evolution and mine, will also share in all the luck you've had on your journey. Thank you. I will keep in touch with you, and please do the same with me. I care about you and your husband and your evolution and delight in anything you can share to help me and all of us on this site. You say I am kind, and I appreciate that as "we get back what we give."
Happy New Year, Jaton.

@tunared
I can totally understand because H and I are headed that direction.
Lately I say something and he tells me that I didn't say that. I know what I am talking about. He is having more and more difficulty understanding and even trying to get out what he is trying to say.

This fall and winter it is the heat pump, well it was the heat pump in the spring and summer too. Through out the holiday cold spell he kept complaining that it wasn't working right for various reasons. We have had HVAC out so many times I am certain they consider him the crazy guy with the imaginary problems, I am starting to.

It was the same thing in the summer with the cooling aspect. This weird behavior of his is costing us some serious money for every time they come out.

They were supposed to come out today for another problem, actually same problem, but H cancelled because he now feels the unit is running correctly. BUT, I can assure you before Monday he will be moaning it is not working correctly and call them out again.

I can tell you that this is really having a great affect on me.

Hi Judy. I wake up every morning, do my meditations and start the day with a great attitude. Sometimes by 7 pm I am hiding in the bathtub crying because of all the emotions and the hourly realizations that things aren't the same with my hubby and never will be. This is so hard. Thank you for sharing what a lot of us are thinking and doing. I think that by just saying it out loud in the forum, you will relieve a bit of the pressure. Sending hugs.

Hi @judimahoney, I'm not much of a pretender. I try to be as gracious as I can be. My husband does the dishes and puts things away in strange places, but there's no point in telling him where they go because he can't remember anyway. That brings some peace.
I do stand up for myself, though. He has no impulse control and when he wants me to attend to something (often ridiculous) immediately, I tell him it's inconvenient, I'm in the middle of something, etc. He usually doesn't relent, but I get those feelings off my chest.
He hates the music I listen to or certain tv programs, but he leaves the room. I now understand the meaning of "killjoy."
Somedays he's in the fridge every five minutes. Trying to keep him from eating all day is pretty exhausting (he's put on some weight and was prediabetic).
Every day at 5pm he starts a minute by minute countdown to dinner. I tell him how annoying it is, but of course, he forgets.
Your husband may not stay happy and relaxed forever. Now my husband thinks a neighbor (a total jerk) wants to kill him. I try to get him off that, but have closed the blinds on occasion so "HE" can't see us and take aim. Yesterday my husband was belligerent to the jerk, so I asked him to come in the house and work on a puzzle. That keeps him occupied and out of the fridge for a while!
I'm past being sad. This is just the life I'm living now. As one member of our caregivers' support group said, "This is what I signed on for."
Take care of yourself, as much as you can!

@kjc48 Than you. I'm sure we'll see each other around the virtual waater cooler and Bundomatic from time to time. Hopw 20026 is kind to you and your family. 😉

This is exactly how I feel, all sweetness and light on the surface and incredibly sad and sometimes frustrated underneath. It's like I'm two people: the one I live away from my husband and the one I live with him. It's very hard and draining emotionally and it goes on and on and on. What can we do but go on and on and on?

@tsc In our home, I am the one lossing my cognitive abilities. I can start a sentence and forget the point I was trying to make before I can get the whole sentence out. I, too, am impatient and sometimes interrupt people for fear that I''ll remember I had something to say that was iimportant (like "I think the house is on fire."and I'm afraid I will forget it. I realize what a pain in the patooty that can be for others who have to put up with me. One thing I do is to write something down before I forget it. I don't know if your husband is able to do that, but it might make him less anxious if he could write it down because, on some level he knows his memory is not that good and he may worry about your memory, too, but if he writes it down on a "to do " list, it may make him less anxious .. and you could periodically go over the list and ask him which things are time-critical, or which may have been ovecome by events so you can scratch them off the list. I realize that there are many folks on the planet who aren't nearly so fond of to-to lists as I am, ,but I find them to be helpful. Sometimes we may be in the same room, each of us pecking merrily away at our keyboards, and I may think of something but rather than interrupt him, I'll send him an e-mail asking him to do X. He doesn't get interrupt, I don't have to worry about forgeting it (because I can alway check my "sent' messages to assure myself that I've passed the task on to him), and we're just as happy as a pair of clams. It's silly, but it works for us. I have to remember to phrase it correctly, though. He had an aunt who was a total control freak. She would order folks about using what may seem like an innocuous phrase but it really wasn't. Perhaps she would say to her son, "Sweety, you'll be wanting to divorce that little slutty wife of yours. " Not only did she order you to do something, but she wanted to control how you felt about doing it. So it has been our custom to order each other about using that format. "Sweetie, you'll be wanting to get plenty of chocolate when you do the grocery shopping." Sometimes when I think of things that I remember about family or friends who have taken leave of the planet. this is the kind of thing that comes to my mind. There was Aunt Verta Lee and Uncle Pete. They went to a big New Year's Eve party in Houston (about 100 miles from their home in Beaumont. They intended to drink huge quantities of alcohol so they booked a hotel room in the hotel where the party would take place. Aunt Verta Lee had some brand new, fancy shoes she had bought for this fancy party, which, even in a drunken stupor, she had carefully put in the closet before falling into bed. . During the night, Uncle Pete had to relieve himself and went to the bathroom. He took the same path from the bed to the bathroom that he did at home. Unfortunately, the ssequence of steps that led him to the toilet at home led him to the closet in the hotel room. Aunt VertaLee was somewhat less than amused to wake up in the morning to find her brand new, fancy shoes filled with pee. I can only imagine what the maid who cleaned the room thought when she opened the closet to see the shoes that Aunt VertaLee had ldft behind. So, I have to wonder what event or characteristic habit folks will remember about me when I make my exit. I hope it is something that makes them laugh.