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What are your plans for for the holiday get togethers?
At this point, get-togethers are so difficult and confusing for my husband. What family members see is a smiling man who seems to enjoy everyone and everything. He is actually very confused about who these people (our children and grandchildren) are and what's happening. He then acts out when they leave or when we are no longer in the stressful situation. It certainly isn't enjoyable for him or me.
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@dederickve, My husband has moderate Alzheimer's, diagnosed in 2019, but I noticed his behavior was off a couple of years earlier.
I am able to leave him for a few hours at a time. I don't go far, and I limit my necessary excursions to a few a week.
I've installed cameras in our home so I can keep an eye on him where there's a good WIFI connection when I'm out.
Recently, he walked to the park near our house in his pajamas when I was grocery shopping.
Trial and error - I found a tracking device that uses GPS. It's small and lightweight so I can always check where he is. He keeps it in his pants or shirt pocket.
He was resistant to being tracked. I asked him to wear the tracker for me because if I fall or get sick I need to know where he is so I can find him and he can help me. That worked and he's been wearing it.
The device cost under $20, and one month of service was $20, no contract. Service packages are available for a discounted rate, but not refundable. I wanted to try it for a month before I committed to longer service.
He was in Adult Care for six weeks, but got discharged because he wasn't manageable. I was looking forward to the peacefulness of having him out of the house a few days a week, but it wasn't doable. At least now, I have some peace of mind for when I leave him. He's happiest at home and doesn't like other people in the house very much.
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4 Reactions@kartwk Your note made me chuckle, as my husband, with MCI also, we're staying home alone for XMAS. We laughed today, when we picked up the mail, as his son was supposed to send us a gift card. Well, once again, nothing in the mail today. Yet it's okay we can get them nice gifts. Even from my own son, I had to order the LED flashlights as a gift for my husband from the grandchildren, so he at least feels remembered on XMAS day. It amazes me with these adult kids...so little time, except for themselves, but It's okay we have to be grateful. We raise them to be independent, I just wish, especially with my husband's MCI, they were a little more supportive and more hands on. I think his son is in denial, and my son from another marriage, views it as "he's not my father." So with you spending time alone, and us doing the same, and I'm sure other caregivers out there with their loved ones, I will think about all of us on XMAS day, as we're in this heartfelt "caregiving" together. To all the caregivers out there, I choose to believe we're not alone, hopefully just knowing that makes our journey a little less difficult, this holiday season.
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7 Reactions@kjc48
Here, Here. Merry Christmas to all of us caretakers who will be spending Christmas alone with our spouses and significant others.
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5 Reactions@kjc48
Well, being alone sure beats the time they invited us for Christmas dinner at noon, which consisted of pizza and soft drinks and then got us out of their house by 1:30 because there was bad weather predicted for late that NIGHT and they didn't want us to get stuck in it.
In their rush to get us out, H. forgot his hat and we had to turn around and go back to find them, with their latest guests, putting a late dinner together! And they tried to tell us these people "just dropped by". Yeah, right.
BUT, she had no problem being at the hospital when her Dad had heart issue and was going to have to have a pacemaker put in, with a will drafted up to make her executor of his estate and leave all to her!!!
H. and I are much happier and safer at home.
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7 Reactions@kartwk I need to add to this that when we went there we figured they invited us for the afternoon. You know, hang out until dinner is ready at 4 or 5. The noon pizza was quite a surprise.
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3 Reactions@kartwk and to those of us caregivers who have lost their loved ones and will celebrate alone.
Strength, Courage, & Peace to all
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6 Reactions@kartwk Oh my gosh, we all have crazy family stories. Its' so easy to be resentful but I think what this MCI journey has taught me so far, is that it's him and I, and I'm his caregiver. And I don't have time to be resentful. It's not about the kids any longer, as yes, they can be disappointments which is sad in life. I'd like them to be here, supportive, yet they're too far away and don't see us often. So, I'm honestly trying to enjoy the time I have with my husband. We laugh over not getting our gift certificates. And no cards from them. Oh well, I'll consider your posts a gift, because you've made me laugh over what you're going through and boy, can I relate. At least you won't run into late night dinners. As for the wills, yes, we have stories too. That's the next post.
Happy holidays.
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4 Reactions@kjc48
I agree totally.
I would love to hear about your will experience. It helps me know that we are not alone.
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1 Reaction@kartwk No you are not alone. I think the whole MCI thing now has got me after the holidays going back to the attorneys so I can make sure if I passed, and he had MCI, and ended up in a home, how to best handle that where I'd want to make sure my son and grandsons were protected with my share of the estate.
Confusing. So when my husband was diagnosed with MCI in the summer, I realized I needed to go back to the lawyers and make sure we now include that in the mix, so we have everything set correctly (whatever that means) for both sides of our family; his and mine. Hope Santa comes! Leave the cookies out. I sure am!
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2 ReactionsThe last family gathering was a birthday for my sister. After we finished singing happy birthday, then she turned to my daughter and said, "Who's birthday is it?" She was sitting next to my sister.
Most of the family knows about the Alzheimer's, so when she says something 'not quite right' it will be followed with a glance and a slight wink of acknowledgement from me and the evening goes on.
Wishing all Caregivers a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and a New Year.
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5 Reactions