How about a laugh, (hopefully)

A group of elderly ladies were pulled over on a rural road for going too slow. The driver pointed out to the cop that the sign said '32'. He said 'Ma'am that's the route number not the speed limit.' All of a sudden one of the ladies in the back gets a horrible look on her face and sinks way down into the seat. Cop says 'Are you okay Ma'am? What's wrong?' she replies 'We were just on route 116'...

Paraphrased from Readers Digest. Speaking of, great little publication to add to your life. A bit of everything for quick wit and humor as well as amazing true life stories!

A pessimist sees a dark tunnel, an optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel, a realist sees a freight train. The train conductor sees three idiots standing on the tracks.

I asked the gym instructor if he could teach me to do splits. He wanted to know how flexible I was. I told him,
"I couldn't make it on Tuesdays".

@covidstinks2023 I would have said, "Bananas are mandatory, but either chocolate, caramel, or strawberry is okay."

@scottrl Loved it....better than the one I sent!

Two Elephant Jokes:

5 year-old:
Why do elephants paint their toe nails red with black dots?

To hide in the Strawberry patch!

Junior in High School:
Why do male elephants paint their balls red? To hide in the cherry trees!
What is that loud scream that giraffes hear when they are eating cherries?

@kamama94
“Tua memoria bona est!”
“Vale” is farewell said to one person. If there are more than one, it’s “válete”. Did u know the ancient Romans used no spaces in between written words? Nor for a long time did they have “lower case”letters. So, in Jan 49 BC, when Caesar crossed the Rubicon River with his legions (strictly forbidden by the Senate -> to have his army follow him in), it touched off civil was & led to end of Roman Republic, & eventual rise of the autocratic Roman Empire. to civil war. Caesar, pausing on the “legal” side of the river, tens of thousands of legionaries & cavalry anxiously behind him, the General thought long and hard about crossing with or without soldiers. Steadily, strongly he is supposed to have said: “Iacta alea est”, or literally “Thrown the die is”. Or maybe: “Alea iacta est”(Latin word order being flexible) “The die is cast.” Like in “There’s no turning back now guys!” But Roman scribes would have written his quote as: “IACTAALEAEST”. Sometimes “I” and “J” were interchangeable. Perhaps they did this because “paper” or even marble was expensive.
At that, all of Caesar’s legions crossed over; resulting in bloody civil war, an end to the Roman. Republic (like US), and the emergence of the Roman Empire. Are you asleep by now?

@hopeseeker22 I'm actually wide awake at 3 AM! Thanks for jogging my memory, it's been 75 years since I studied Latin and, no, I'm not going to write that in Roman Numerals, tee-hee.

how do you get over a fear of elevators?
just take some steps to avoid them.

A man said, he thought his wife was joking when she said she wanted to see a Monkees tribute band in Switzerland. Then I saw her face, now I'm in Geneva, he said.