Connect
Hurt by Daughter’s Travel Plans
My married 34 daughter lives in VA and because of their busy work schedules, we usually don’t see her unless we travel back east. We were in DC mid-October for just a short trip related to my husband’s job. We rented a car for a few years and drove to their home, took them to lunch then returned to the airport. She texted me last weekend that they would be visiting her in-laws in Tucson to attend an AZ football game this weekend and hopefully they will have time to visit us. They arrived yesterday, will be leaving Tuesday morning and haven’t heard anything from her regarding seeing us. They visited in-laws in April, we found out about their trip after the fact. She was in Phoenix for business in May, visited with us one evening over dinner and also made arrangements to visit her in laws for a day in Tucson borrowing our car. I’m hurt, confused and sad that she goes out of her way to see them but can’t for us. I don’t know how to address this with her. I shared my feelings with her after the April trip and her response was that it was a short visit to attend the car races with them. We are only 90 minutes away from the in-laws and would be happy to drive there just to spend some time with her. I’m 68 and I can’t get her to understand that I don’t have many more years left and just seeing her for a short time is precious to me. This year isn’t unique…Am I being selfish?
Like
Helpful
HugInterested in more discussions like this? Go to the Just Want to Talk Support Group.
Connect
I have a similar issue w/ my 34 yo daughter who is also the mother of our 2 grandchildren. She lives 8 hrs. away by car. She & partner own a brewery and 2 restaurants—so busy.
For (at least?) the last 3 years, she has had other plans on her birthday and at the holidays. We did have a major falling out when she got together w/ partner, but there’s been a lot of discussion and serious apologies about that. There is still some tension w/ partner.
I’m 73 and my husband is 83–we’re both in good health, tho’.
After consulting w/ a therapist, I intend to tell her as clearly as I can that this hurts me a lot. I’m thinking that she’s being thoughtless, but not intending to cause us pain.
I do think direct is best, but IDK if it will help in the long run.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
1 Reaction@5148branelly I just came upon the audio version of the book "The Let Them Theory", by Mel Robbins. I also bought the book through Amazon. It is helping me to a degree. As in all things nowadays, you have to weed through and pick up on what speaks to your situation. You might want to get a sample of it through Amazon if you can. It may help you too. 🤔
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 Reactions@jiatong do you mean you travel 1,000 miles to be with your grandkids for just a half day? That’s a lot of travelling for such a short visit!
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
1 Reaction@nannybb
Now that you do know what kind of things will you be sending for your new family member. Very exciting.
Kids are in their own world and most times we are not in it. Suck it up and know that many of us parents are going through the same thing - things that we would never do to our parents!
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
1 Reaction@gravity3 I have no idea at this point. I was told my son sent gives to his daughter (My granddaughter) for HIS granddaughter in both our names. I've yet to connect with him or my granddaughter regarding what those presents were. I hate that they live so far away. It IS very exciting. I think my son is finally getting on board with being a grandfather...🤣
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
1 Reaction@rashida
We usually stay for 2 days, but still it is a lot of driving and as we age, that’s getting harder.
We did try flying and had 1 plane cancellation and 1 delayed by hours, so we ended up spending another night en route. Then the rental car agency was backed up, so that took 2 hrs. to get a car. A comedy of errors that we’re not sure we’re willing to risk again!!
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
4 Reactions@nannybb
Astounding. I’m getting the book on Kindle, but just saying “Let Them” to myself has eased some internal tension. The feelings are still hurt on both sides, but I, anyway, need to keep soldiering on!
Thanks!
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
1 Reaction@5148branelly Splendid! I had to use it several times yesterday, but not before I "mouthed" off. It takes some getting used to. lol Let me know how it works for you once you really get going. 💕
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
1 ReactionHave you heard of The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins? I posted about her book earlier on a different thread (I think). It may help you to get a clearer picture of not only what may be happening, but how to handle it. Blessings