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I hate the word Grief
I found the Mayo clinic support groups when I was dealing with lung cancer. I was one of the lucky ones - stage 1A- just numerous CAT scans to follow up. That was October of 2024. I never posted but I read through each and every post and it helped me realize how fortunate I am with my diagnosis. Fast forward to August of 2025. My darling husband died right before my eyes - he apparently had some type of bleed during the night and when he woke up he couldn't speak. I called an ambulance and sat with him and then he just died before the ambulance arrived. I am not dealing with it well at all. I was with him for 58 wonderful years, I miss so many things. This was a man who told me he loved me at least 5 times a day. We don't have children, so I am very alone.
It amazes me that all of our married friends disappeared overnight. I have not seen a living soul except in the grocery stores in 8 weeks. It's pathetic and hurtful. I don't have any support groups in my area. One is supposed to start in January but that doesn't help with the holidays.
All of my true friends live far away. I do plan on visiting them all some time next year if I can get myself out of this depression.
Nobody invited me for the holidays, I just can't believe it. We were the couple who always had the parties and get-togethers and had so much fun. It's all gone. Not only did I lose the love of my life, I lost my life. It's sad. I know it sounds like I am feeling sorry for myself, well, maybe I am but I feel I have good reason.
When I read the word "grief" I get sad and cry, the same for "widow". I think they are two awful and sad words. So, how do I go through grief as a widow? I haven't begun to figure that out.
The local people in my development are awful too. My closest "friend" I spoke to at the end of September and she was shocked that I was still grieving. She said she lost her dog and was better in a month. LOL - I swear she said that.
So sorry for the long post but it feels good to air this out and maybe someone else is in the same awful spot.
I thank God for my health, at 70 I am doing pretty good. God Bless everyone going through this hell on earth.
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I too recently was counted as one who faces the loss of a spouse of 50 years. There is no time limit on grief so people who think you should be over it are just plain ignorant. My grief counselor said those who love the most grieve the most. I moved away from my home and friends at the same time so started over. Fortunately I do have a son and his family and they have been my life line but all of us still have that emptiness and loss. Getting through the holidays I’m sure will be very difficult. If you are able maybe you could volunteer someplace. I don’t know your religious background but my pastor recommended Gary Roe and his books have helped a great deal. My prayers are with you as you navigate this awful path.
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4 Reactions@pml
You are very welcome! We all need encouragement to help get us through. Thank heaven for our wonderful mother's who taught us to pray. Your right, it is so heart breaking to loose your children. We are suppose to leave this earth first. We don't always know God plan, however difficult it can be.
Wishing you God's Blessings and Peace
Ann
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2 ReactionsMy husband of 56 years passed away on Christmas Eve 2018. It'll be 7 years this Christmas Eve 2025 that he died at which time I will still feel married to him 63 years! We have 7 kids, 5 boys and 2 daughters so I have lots of love and support as they have from me and each other. However, I still think of him and miss him every day! The devil, however, likes to remind me of any regrets I have and regrets cause guilt. Every day I'm bombarded with regret and guilt from the devil but 7 years of this pain of losing my sweet husband has really helped me understand my dependence and grow my need for Jesus Christ. He has taught me these 7 years that as soon as I know what the devil is trying to do, I say to Him over and over "take it away, take it away" until I feel only the love I have and love I received from Him and my husband. I am truly sorry you have no one around you that you feel the support I do. But, I know the loss still affects me every day and I don't think it will change. People say put regret in the past and why are we still grieving! There's even a so called of 5 steps to grieving and that is ridiculous! It's a personal journey. I wish I could find some words to help you but in my case I go thru my pain of losing my husband Charlie every day. God placed Charlie in my path when I was 15 and he was 20. I was born into and living in a very dysfunctional family at that time. We were married when I was 17 and he was 22 and that has never been a regret. I am truly sorry for your loss and even though our family situation is not the same, I feel your loss!
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4 Reactions@roxiesmom13 Thank you for- I will look into the books. I am sorry for your loss too and understand how difficult this time is. You are lucky to have a son but he is suffering the loss too.
I will look into volunteer work but I may just get on a plane and spend a few weeks in the Caribbean- we always liked Antiqua. Who knows what I will do but I don’t think I could stay home
Take care
Pam
Thank you for posting here. I lost my partner of 28 years almost 2 years ago (12/18/23). He is in my unconscious and my consciousness everyday. I dreamed about him this week. It is actually still unreal to me that he is not here anymore, or at least his human body. People in my life, one very important friend, actually, blew my mind. She was helping me clean out the house my partner and I lived in. I started to cry and became really overwhelmed. She made the comment, "C'mon, it has been 6 months." I felt so hurt. I have come to realize that people may not understand and we are all different. I have lost many people in my life over they years, including my father, but this is different. I do not think that the feeling of loss and sadness will ever "go away," but does not take me over as often, if that makes any sense. Hang in there. Do what you need to do for yourself to memorialize your loss. There is no time limit on grief and loss.
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2 Reactions@pamdga Whatever you do I will be praying for you. We are all just doing the best we can and that alone honors the memory of our loved one. We will always carry them in our heart.
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1 Reaction@diverdown1.
Thank you for your kind words. I am getting to the point where I would rather be alone since people just don’t understand. When I lost my sister it was so difficult but the loss of your spouse is so different- it’s the other half of the puzzle and the picture will never be complete without those missing pieces.
It’s awful hearing so many people are in the same boat as me but in a small way it’s comforting. Everyone who is posting is a survivor, that gives me hope.
Happy Thanksgiving to all
Pam
@kayraymat
So sorry for the loss of your husband. I think talking with our loved ones is a healing and comforting thing to do. I know our loved ones are looking down on us from heaven and looking out for us. They are our guardian angels. Wishing you Peace
Hugs annben
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1 ReactionThank you for the encouraging words.
We laughed about a lot, so when something funny happens, I think of him,
and we laugh together,..... I think...... Do you think we have more than one guardian angel??
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1 Reaction@kayraymat possibly we can have more than one. My father died when I was only 11 and I am sure he is looking over me. Now he gets to meet my husband and I think I have two guardian angels. As much as I loved my sister, I don’t think she is one as she has her own family to look after. I truly do believe my father is my guardian angel but love the idea of having my two favorite men guide me through life