I hate the word Grief

Posted by pamdga @pamdga, Nov 18, 2025

I found the Mayo clinic support groups when I was dealing with lung cancer. I was one of the lucky ones - stage 1A- just numerous CAT scans to follow up. That was October of 2024. I never posted but I read through each and every post and it helped me realize how fortunate I am with my diagnosis. Fast forward to August of 2025. My darling husband died right before my eyes - he apparently had some type of bleed during the night and when he woke up he couldn't speak. I called an ambulance and sat with him and then he just died before the ambulance arrived. I am not dealing with it well at all. I was with him for 58 wonderful years, I miss so many things. This was a man who told me he loved me at least 5 times a day. We don't have children, so I am very alone.
It amazes me that all of our married friends disappeared overnight. I have not seen a living soul except in the grocery stores in 8 weeks. It's pathetic and hurtful. I don't have any support groups in my area. One is supposed to start in January but that doesn't help with the holidays.
All of my true friends live far away. I do plan on visiting them all some time next year if I can get myself out of this depression.
Nobody invited me for the holidays, I just can't believe it. We were the couple who always had the parties and get-togethers and had so much fun. It's all gone. Not only did I lose the love of my life, I lost my life. It's sad. I know it sounds like I am feeling sorry for myself, well, maybe I am but I feel I have good reason.
When I read the word "grief" I get sad and cry, the same for "widow". I think they are two awful and sad words. So, how do I go through grief as a widow? I haven't begun to figure that out.
The local people in my development are awful too. My closest "friend" I spoke to at the end of September and she was shocked that I was still grieving. She said she lost her dog and was better in a month. LOL - I swear she said that.
So sorry for the long post but it feels good to air this out and maybe someone else is in the same awful spot.
I thank God for my health, at 70 I am doing pretty good. God Bless everyone going through this hell on earth.

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pamdga | @pamdga | Nov 19, 2025

So very sorry Joetex and Kay - it is a difficult road we must travel.

I too talk to my husband all the time, I have his photo on my phone as a screen saver so he is always there. I just took photos of some of our pictures and when I am really down I look at different photos. My husband had the funniest expressions in some of pictures. I know he did it to make me laugh, and I still can when I see them.

I think the problem with my married friends is they are afraid they are next and can't face it. My husband was not ill in any way yet he is gone. Some of them have some mild health problems and I guess they think there number could be up too.
Whatever, it's their problem and I am not going to make it my problem. I have enough stress to carry me along just fine but.....one doesn't forget. Possibly forgive but NOT forget.

I didn't sleep a wink last night so I think I will try to rest now. So many of us are hurting and it's difficult to say the least. Prayers for everyone going through this hell on earth.
Pamela

pamdga | @pamdga | Nov 19, 2025

I meant to say in my 70's ....not 70 any longer but 76. Boy, the mind does play tricks:)

anniesaccount | @anniesaccount | Nov 19, 2025

What a wonderful age
I am 58 and grieving 2 love ones who died 2 mths apart

I understand we all have to pass

pml | @pml | Nov 19, 2025

In reply to @anniesaccount "What a wonderful age I am 58 and grieving 2 love ones who died 2 mths..." + (show)

@anniesaccount
I'm so sorry about your loved ones dying and only 2 months apart! That's awful! I know about that kind of grief because my husband died of lung cancer in 2024. He was 83. (I'm 79.) Also our very good friend who lived next door died 2 months before my husband died. Plus another neighbor's cat who really liked me also died. So here I am sad and lonely. I don't even have Kitty! But I do have God and Jesus and all the angels with me. I also know that my husband and friend are up in Heaven and Kitty too. We'll all be reunited at some point in the future on God's time. It's hard being left behind but go ahead and pray to God for help during this time. Also, talk to your departed friends. I talk to my husband and friend and even Kitty everyday. And, I'm not crazy! It just helps with the loneliness.
I'll say a prayer for you.
I wish you the best.
PML

annben | @annben | Nov 19, 2025

In reply to @pamdga "@annben I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I can't even imagine the..." + (show)

@pamdga
Thank you for your kind words. Loosing our loved ones is a pain like you have never known. Everyday is a struggle. You miss the love and joy they brought to our lives. I pray and ask for God's love and healing in my life. Praying for everyone here on this platform. Having someone to listen and understands what you are going through means so much. Sending Prayers and Hugs

acguidon | @acguidon | Nov 20, 2025

Deuteronomy 31:6 ~ Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

annben | @annben | Nov 21, 2025

In reply to @pml "@anniesaccount I'm so sorry about your loved ones dying and only 2 months apart! That's awful!..." + (show)

pml
You are not crazy, Just someone who misses there loved ones. I also talk with son who was only 32 when he passed with cancer. It is our way to keep their memory and love living on in our hearts. God walks beside us and understands. I talk to God daily too, he is always there for us. God Bless You
Sending Prayers and Peace

pml | @pml | Nov 21, 2025

In reply to @acguidon "Deuteronomy 31:6 ~ Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them,..." + (show)

@acguidon
Thank you for this quote! I haven't read Deuteronomy in a while. It is so true! We need to remember this more today than ever considering how bad the world is becoming with all the crime and murders.
God Bless You!
PML

annben | @annben | Nov 21, 2025

In reply to @pamdga "So very sorry Joetex and Kay - it is a difficult road we must travel. I..." + (show)

@pamdga
So sorry for the loss of your husband. I know how you feel when friends and family don't check in or ask how you are doing. And seem to avoid us. I am experiencing this also. I guess they don't want to think of their lives facing such a devasting loss. My son had cancer, and I miss him so, tears everyday. It means so much when someone reaches out and asks how you are doing. Or let you know they have been thinking of you and have you in their prayers. Just knowing some one cares means so much and can lift your spirits.
Sending Prayers and Hugs Ann

pml | @pml | Nov 21, 2025

In reply to @annben "pml You are not crazy, Just someone who misses there loved ones. I also talk with..." + (show)

@annben
Thank you for your kind response! I needed that! I'm so sorry to hear about your son. That must have been very hard for you. Children aren't supposed to die before their parents. He's up in Heaven and you will be reunited with him in God's time as I will also with my husband and friend and even kitty. It's just lonely waiting. It is so good that you have God in your life! I know I do also and it helps immensely. I, like you talk to God daily and it helps. I owe that to my Mom. When she was alive and things would be bad for us I would be worrying about what were we going to do? Mom would say, "We're just going to sit right here and pray!" And we did and things would somehow work out for us. God was always there for us.
God Bless You,
PML