I hate the word Grief

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Losing someone after so long is not something you can just quickly recover from. What you wrote doesn’t sound like self-pity--it's grief whether you hate the word or not.

It’s also rough how those around you disappeared when you needed them. As a cancer survivor who had some friends disappear, I think a lot of people just don't know what to say so they avoid. That still doesn't make it easy (or make it right for that matter).

I hope the group that starts in January helps you. In the meantime, is there one person in your friend group you could reach out even if it's just a short conversation?

Pamdgs, there are really no words for your profound loss. It just takes you, even the very gradual ease is more loss. Bless your passage. There is joy and happiness on the other side. Thanks for your post.

@gently @scottbeammeup
Thanks so much for replying- I do speak with friends but they all live far away. I lost my only sister many years ago so all family is gone. My husband has some family left but they are in France and with the language it’s somewhat difficult to chat. I will visit them next summer.
I just needed a place to vent, I am better at reading than posting. I am just so disappointed in people who’ve thought we’re friends. Life goes on
Pamela

Hi Pamdga,
I'm so sorry for the death of your husband. It sounds like he was a wonderful husband! My husband died of lung cancer in front of me also in July of 2024. It is very lonely and hard for people like us. We were married for 30 years and like your husband, mine told me often how much he loved me and I told him the same. Our husbands are now up in Heaven and we will be reunited with them eventually in God's time. But it is very lonely for us now. My husband and I had no children together and the ones we did have from other marriages ignored us totally. So, I'm like you all alone. You are right. Couples seem to disappear at times like this. I, too seem to only talk to people at the grocery store. I'm 79 and most people and family I knew are all up in Heaven. It does get lonely. This forum helps a lot. I have found very nice people on here who one can communicate with. It takes the loneliness away a little. I also talk to God every day and he answers my prayers. That helps a lot. God is always there for us. It states in the Bible that "He knows of all of your needs." and he does. I'm so glad that you believe in God because you really need him now. Just ask for his help in getting through this awful time and he will be there for you.

Your sad situation is still very new and hard to deal with. I remember. Plus your situation was unexpected. That makes it harder. My husband had lung cancer for 14 years so death eventually from that was expected. It does get better a little at a time. Remember the good times. That's important.

If you ever want to talk, I have lots of time. I'll say a prayer for you.
I wish you the best.
PML

Hello Pamdga,
Reading your story touched my heart. I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved husband. You need support and love at this difficult time. Sometimes the people we thought would be there for us after a loss of a loved one, are not. They perhaps avoid bringing up our loved one, and feel we should be moving on sooner. It can be so heartbreaking. It is such a whole in our heart, the loss is overwhelming. The loss of my son to cancer was four months ago, I cry daily. My mind goes over and over again my last minutes with him. Wishing it was not real. It hurts when people in your life are not there for you. People who have not experienced such a loss may not understand. But it would mean so much if they listened and showed love and support. Sending you Prayers and Hugs

There are such kind people on this board. Many thanks to all of your who wrote notes. I know everyone on here is suffering too and so proud to see that there might be light at the end of the tunnel. It's too new for me but hopefully I will get there.
It's 2:45 am so obviously I have trouble sleeping. Just wanted to say a big thank you for the kind words.

Prayers to everyone in here, I know God does listen and I do talk to him daily.

Good night all
Pamela

@annben I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I can't even imagine the pain in losing a child. I know what you mean about the last minutes - it's heart wrenching to put it mildly.

Prayers and Hugs right back at you
Pamela

@pml
Thank you so much for your kind words. It still amazes me how people handle things, or should I say, Don't handle things. It is lonely and heartbreaking.

So sorry for the loss and suffering of your husband, 14 years is a long time. He was so lucky to have you by his side.
Prayers to you too PML - thank you

Pamela

@pamdga
I don't know about "God," but prayer does seem helpful. My husband
died about a year ago & I miss him EVERYDAY. I talk to him which makes
me laugh, but a friend here at our retirement residence does the same,
but she talks to her spouse's photo...... I imagine these heavenly husbands saying, "Boy, these women sure can talk alot, even when we are not on earth anymore."
Your friend should read some books on grief, which is different for each of us.

God bless you too. It is hell. I can’t believe the woman who lost her dog would say that but that’s how it is. It would be funny if it wasn’t so sad and hurtful. No one knows until they are in it. I’m talking with a counselor and in a grief group and both are helpful but it’s still so hard. My wife of 58 years died 3 months ago. I hope you find the help you need.