Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”

@snedakerj I’m so sorry. I know how you feel, I’m a short ways from where you are. We’re at the tail end of redoing our living will, because he can still sort of think things through and put on a good show to prove it. I don’t always trust his decisions because I don’t understand some things to do with our household, at least I know all about the banking/finances. I got him a prescription for physical therapy for his lack of balance and his shuffle. The pt even started doing cognitive challenges with him. Now that it’s winter, he is stuck inside and is bored and walks around looking out windows and getting into my business. He also looks at his phone endlessly and often doesn’t acknowledge me when I talk to him, then gets mad at me because he ‘was watching a video!’ and didn’t know I was talking to him! Ohhh! That’s why….
It IS very lonely, sad, overwhelming, frustrating, etc., etc. and yes a lot of tears to shed. I still can’t conform to the fake, sweet understanding of his cruelty and I lash out wrongly. I just want to shock him into being himself again. I know, I can’t do that. I also want to scream at his endless stories about nothing that I am remotely interested in. Or memories of useless information from his life a million years ago, before we were together (for 52 years) or his endless narcissism about every single thing that he likes or loves in the world, because it’s important for us all to know…. We always had favorite shows to watch in the evening, now he sometimes can’t comprehend what is going on in a show, even after I explain it a time or two—also sad and lonely. No best friend to joke with or share a secret. Aurgh!!!!!
I just don’t know how to do this. I’m here. Commiserate all you want with me.
Linda

To all: I never dreamed I would be my husband’s mother. Many days, he needs a mother.

Is Donepezil (Aricept) helpful? My husband has a prescription. I would like to know the pros and cons before giving it to him. I would really appreciate anyone who could share their experiences with this drug.

@lkbous I am having a bad day with my spouse today and came across your post. Thanks for your honesty. The hardest part of losing my friend and partner of 48 years is trying not to lose myself. I used to be really witty and fun to be around and now I have no sense of humor. One day I am in acceptance of his memory loss and behavior and the next I am sad and lonely. I did laugh out loud the other day when he dressed for the day in a print bathing suit! He hadn't even had his coffee yet!
I go to therapy every other week and sometimes it helps, but I wonder if I would be more level if I was on an antidepressant or something. I am not sleeping well and crying a lot. It's tough to be the only one who does all paperwork such as bill paying and house repairs etc. We are in a support group every other week and it's just more work for me. Ugh! He does the dishes and makes the bed though so that is something. Sorry for sounding so negative and thanks again for your post Linda.

Good days and bad days. Lots of questions and I try not to run out of patience and stay calm. Getting almost as bad as the questions is his wanting me to help with everything….even chores and personal tasks he is quite capable of doing on his own. It would be easier if he showed a little appreciation for all the meals and care.

He just started using Rivastigmine transdermal patches.

@snedakerj I’m so sorry. I know how you feel, I’m a short ways from where you are. We’re at the tail end of redoing our living will, because he can still sort of think things through and put on a good show to prove it. I don’t always trust his decisions because I don’t understand some things to do with our household, at least I know all about the banking/finances. I got him a prescription for physical therapy for his lack of balance and his shuffle. The pt even started doing cognitive challenges with him. Now that it’s winter, he is stuck inside and is bored and walks around looking out windows and getting into my business. He also looks at his phone endlessly and often doesn’t acknowledge me when I talk to him, then gets mad at me because he ‘was watching a video!’ and didn’t know I was talking to him! Ohhh! That’s why….
It IS very lonely, sad, overwhelming, frustrating, etc., etc. and yes a lot of tears to shed. I still can’t conform to the fake, sweet understanding of his cruelty and I lash out wrongly. I just want to shock him into being himself again. I know, I can’t do that. I also want to scream at his endless stories about nothing that I am remotely interested in. Or memories of useless information from his life a million years ago, before we were together (for 52 years) or his endless narcissism about every single thing that he likes or loves in the world, because it’s important for us all to know…. We always had favorite shows to watch in the evening, now he sometimes can’t comprehend what is going on in a show, even after I explain it a time or two—also sad and lonely. No best friend to joke with or share a secret. Aurgh!!!!!
I just don’t know how to do this. I’m here. Commiserate all you want with me.
Linda

Is Donepezil (Aricept) helpful? My husband has a prescription. I would like to know the pros and cons before giving it to him. I would really appreciate anyone who could share their experiences with this drug.

@lkbous I am having a bad day with my spouse today and came across your post. Thanks for your honesty. The hardest part of losing my friend and partner of 48 years is trying not to lose myself. I used to be really witty and fun to be around and now I have no sense of humor. One day I am in acceptance of his memory loss and behavior and the next I am sad and lonely. I did laugh out loud the other day when he dressed for the day in a print bathing suit! He hadn't even had his coffee yet!
I go to therapy every other week and sometimes it helps, but I wonder if I would be more level if I was on an antidepressant or something. I am not sleeping well and crying a lot. It's tough to be the only one who does all paperwork such as bill paying and house repairs etc. We are in a support group every other week and it's just more work for me. Ugh! He does the dishes and makes the bed though so that is something. Sorry for sounding so negative and thanks again for your post Linda.

@lkbous
I am not pretending at this point. My husband is beyond MCI and has FTD. If he gets something wrong I tell him. Fortunately with his type, or because of his personality?, he doesn't get belligerent. I know things may get worse.
My husband was a very intelligent man, and it hurts so much to tell him the truth about things.
When he started getting worse he was bragging one day regarding how well he was doing on a quiz, and I quite meanly replied he should no longer be bragging about his intelligence. He was a gentleman and didn't bark back at me. I'm having a hard time losing my smart and interesting husband.
All the best to you as you navigate these choppy waters. 🫂

@dederickve
You nailed it. Caregiver = mother or admin assistant or nurse in my situation also. It’s hard.