Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”

@becsbuddy @snediker
You know what worked for me, is that I physically went to my local hospital (it isn’t a massive hospital) and started searching for social services to track down support meetings. It took some footwork, but I found a nurse that worked in outlying programs, she told me about a dementia caretaker support group, I went one time and met some really nice people. It only meets once a month, but it’s something. I also have a couple of computer groups I try to catch. They are tricky to find. One of them is through UCLA AD, which is my H’s med care team. Another is a webinar with Tami Anestasia, an expert on caregiving, who has written books. I can’t remember how I found her tho.

@lkbous Wow, you are really a go-getter! Be careful or everyone will hire you. Even if it’s just to find the cafeteria! I’m glad you found a support group-do you still go to meetings?
It sounds like everything is going OK for now. Or maybe it’s just that you have a good sense of humor. I certainly don’t mean to take your situation lightly, but , when I’m writing this at10:30 pm I need a little laugh .
Thank you! Becky

You know what’s really hard?!?
A know-it-all with MCI, it is more frustrating than I could ever have imagined. DH is very lucid and can seem like he doesn’t have anything wrong, but when he makes an incorrect assumption or statement and it involves me (significant other) he becomes belligerent about its authenticity. I get sucked into his ‘show’ of ‘nothing wrong’ and react incorrectly.
How do you do the ‘pretend they’re right’ when they get so darn confused about the simplest things? Aye yi yi!!!

@becsbuddy I try to go, but I miss sometimes. I’m making sure to hit the one at the hospital this week. It’s my favorite. Thank you for asking. And, yes I do have a sense of humor and a little sarcasm comes out often. I guess they both help.
Keep up your good work!

I hope you all keep posting your feelings and frustrations here on this site. I think it is essential to our mental health to vent the frustration and anger we have from being in a situation in which we have no control. One thing that has helped me in my journey with my husband of 45 years is to realize that he has brain failure and to learn as much as possible about his dementia aka brain failure. What to expect at each stage. My husband is now in the moderate stage. This has helped me adjust my expectations of what he is capable of anymore. It has made it easier for me to live with these changes because I understand that he does not have any control over these changes. I try to work with what is still there. I am still lonely as he doesn't say much and doesn't ask any questions anymore. I have learned to live with the silence. I read a lot, pray a lot, post on this site and talk to my friends who understand what is happening in our lives. I also realize more and more that the only way this will end is when he passes away. I want to hang on to everyday with him even if it is lonely and frustrating.

@lkbous
I'm so sorry to read about how you and others are dealing with loneliness and isolation. My husband and I are each other's best friend and neither one of us have many outside friends. As he progresses, I am feeling more and more isolated. When I couldn't get DH to understand how I felt, and in fact, refused to put my feelings first on anything, I felt so lost and trapped. I curled up in a ball at one point and wailed for a day and half. I call the doctor and started on Lexapro and when to the county's council on aging and asked for a reference to a therapist that would understand my situation. I got lucky and found the right one out of the gate. We talk regularly, and with the meds, I am a different person.
You are so smart to get the living trust out of the way now. As soon as I suspected my DH's diagnosis, we worked to get our trusts set up. I wanted everything official long before he was actually diagnosed so it cannot be contested. We set up separate trusts because we married late in life and did not blend our families. Therefore our estates are handled separately and each other is set up as the other's beneficiary and administrator.
I've set up a call with our attorney because I want to change a couple of things now that the Alz his progressing noticeably. I want my son to be my administrator and have POA in case I go first or am incapacitated. I also want my husband to spell out what, if anything, he wants to change. Specifically, he is taking life-saving heart medication for CHF and ATTR-CM. The latter is a killer. I want to know at what point, if at all, would he like to discontinue his heart meds.
He either didn't want to answer or didn't understand the question. I originally got him to the table to finalize our trusts by telling him that if he didn't tell me what he wanted, when he's gone, I'm selling EVERYTHING - which is not what he wanted. This time around, I told him that if he doesn't let me know what he wants to happen, as soon as he is not longer him, I'm discontinuing the meds. That got him to agree to talk. Of course he doesn't remember the discussion, so we'll need to have it again right before the call with the attorney, so he remembers and can state what he wants. One of the things I was told to expect with this diagnosis is the have the same conversation hundreds of times - maybe more. It's true.
For everyone dealing with this a loved one in this condition, it's so important to know what they want early

@ocdogmom I could have written your post. It’s where I am too. Hubby and I have been married almost 45 years. The loneliness, even when he’s right there beside, me is the hardest…

@lkbous
I am not pretending at this point. My husband is beyond MCI and has FTD. If he gets something wrong I tell him. Fortunately with his type, or because of his personality?, he doesn't get belligerent. I know things may get worse.
My husband was a very intelligent man, and it hurts so much to tell him the truth about things.
When he started getting worse he was bragging one day regarding how well he was doing on a quiz, and I quite meanly replied he should no longer be bragging about his intelligence. He was a gentleman and didn't bark back at me. I'm having a hard time losing my smart and interesting husband.
All the best to you as you navigate these choppy waters. 🫂

To all: I never dreamed I would be my husband’s mother. Many days, he needs a mother.

Is Donepezil (Aricept) helpful? My husband has a prescription. I would like to know the pros and cons before giving it to him. I would really appreciate anyone who could share their experiences with this drug.