My wife is furious at me 3 weeks post RARP

This is deeply personal and I probably should not have posted it, but thank you for all the replies. I don't know how to delete this post or I would. I am going to go see a counselor which I have never done before, so know that you helped me out! I am going to mute this discussion from further comments and I apologize if I've caused anyone to get upset.

@asolidrock Technical note: For some time after you make a post, you can edit it. Click the 3 dots to the right of your post to see if editing is available.

I appreciated that you posted this.

I believe you made the right decision.
This is a matter concerning your life. She should understand that.
I'm sure the shock has been enormous, but it was needed to be done to have you around for awhile longer 😊

Thanks so much

@shayes914
Well, I for one am really glad you shared this with us, and hope that some of the wide-ranging responses have been helpful.
For some context, I just want to mention that @surftohealth88, who had quite a strong reaction, and who is a regular presence that I greatly admire, has shown herself to be an over-the-top supporter and helper of her husband, which might explain some the vehemence in her response.
My own wife has been helpful and supportive, if a little laissez-faire, which was okay by me. People do react in different ways to stressful situations.
You sound like a great guy (and I loved the "can't wait to poke her in the eye with it" line), and I hope you can resolve this situation for the better, so best of luck!

Hi! I am a prostate cancer spouse - I monitor this site often for ideas to help my hubby and see what others are doing for similar symptoms, etc.
.... my hubby and I spent most of last summer at Mayo/Rochester doing radiation and since then it has been Zytiga and Lupron --- ugh, horrible drugs! We will finish meds mid-Jan 2026 and we are hoping to come see a semblance of normalcy, hopefully, by the end of 2026. Sex in short supply for the last 1.5 years with my hubby having "inklings" of erection 2-3 times. I hope to have sex again, but we'll just have to be creative.
.... what has been the most difficult for me has been the ill-effects to him mentally. It has become progressively worse, he can't remember a thing for the most part, there seems to be "nothing" he cares about and he struggles to get the motivation to do "anything" ... empathy and affection are in short supply (and this is HUGE since we were so "in sync" before all this, in all areas).
.... It is really HARD for me to NOT get mad between realizing this is not intentional and not his fault. I can be a real cutting "b****" and I end up making a lot of apologies.
.... We talk a lot and he is very receptive -- he tries to fix the issues I bring up, but the mental issues (from above) seem to always take a front seat to my back seat.

We both have lots of support and love from friends and family.

Maybe she just needs someone (not emotionally involved) to talk to.
My name is Peggy ... I would be willing for her to call me if you'd like.

I hope things get better for you ............ I am sending good thoughts.

@surftohealth88 wrote ❝As a woman, I can assure you that being menopausal does not cause woman to become abusive nor "sadistic"❞

Damned right. And to build on that, prostate cancer patients are probably the only group of men with a real insight into menopause, since our ADT is effectively forcing the same condition on most of us, right down to hot flushes, breast tenderness, mood swings, weight gain, bone-density loss, and reduced sex drive. 😕

My goodness -- so sorry to hear of your situation.

Yes, health circumstances and treatments often pose difficulties for a season (we are dealing with the "C" word), but that doesn't come anywhere near justifying her behavior.

I sincerely expect your health circumstances to improve in the near future. PC surgical consequences are extremely front-loaded. It's highly likely you'll get better over the passage of time. Contrast this with your other brothers here -- including me -- who receive their PC radiation consequences and get worse as time progresses.

My very best wishes to you.

@kcharlan70
There are two things you can do about depression and anxiety with prostate cancer. A lot of people say that doing a lot of exercise changes their mood significantly. Getting out and running, Or at least walking a few miles. Going to A park to do it can lift your mood more. I do it twice a day just got back from the park across the street. Petted a Couple of dogs. I go and run 1 mile twice a day every day and go to the gym three times a week.

Another option is to have medication. Usually need to see a psychiatrist to get it prescribed. The below lists drugs that people on this forum and other places have mentioned, made them have a complete turnaround in how they felt about life.

Common drugs for depression and anxiety
Wellbutrin, Zoloft, Effexor, Buspirone, Cymbalta, Lexipro,

One thing he could do is attend an ancan.org Speaking freely meeting. People come on and talk about their emotions and their feelings about what’s going on with their cancers. If you go to that website, you could sign up and they’ll send you a newsletter. The next meeting is Thursday at 5 o’clock Pacific 8 PM Eastern. Your husband could see that there are many other people that have similar feelings, but learn how to moderate them.