My wife is furious at me 3 weeks post RARP

Wife here. We have been down the RP road. I cannot imagine being mad at my husband for what he is going through. I would say it’s very challenging for us wives too - our world changes. It’s not just the surgery, it’s the thought we’re going to lose you. Being on here really helped me.
Hopefully you both can begin on a new journey together to rediscover each other. It might be different but everything is what you make of it. Wishing you a speedy successful recovery!

I'll echo @colleenyoung and say that the two of you need professional support, both as a couple and individually. The relationship is obviously in a serious crisis — what you described is far from normal behaviour — and you have your own health crisis on top of that. It's too much to try to fix all by yourself. ❤️

@shayes914
Our loved ones are not mental health professionals. They sometimes react and withdraw because they don't know what to do. They too are under stress when I love one faces and is treated with cancer.

I would seek out mental health counseling after you talk to your medical providers about the interaction and the problem of added stress on you when your mental health is important also.

Consider suggesting you and your wife seek mental health counseling. We on MCC are not medical doctors nor mental health specialists and should not give you medical or mental health directions. I know my wife is not a person who can handle the stress of others and withdraws. I know this, expect this, and get my mental health help from exercise and doing activities that bring me joy and stress relief.

I know from my own experience sometimes a close relative will come across a way you do not expect but there maybe some very underlying things that may not be sharing with you.

I am not a mental health professional nor medical. But there are a lot of medical devices, drugs, that can help with ED. Also being intimate can be done many ways and that is something you can discuss with a mental health counselor or your medical doctors.

Hang in there. Try to find some activities or hobbies to help you with your stress and as I mentioned be open have discussion with your wife about how you are feeling also. Your side affects are not uncommon and why discussions with your medical doctors who have gone through this with hundreds of others can offer you and your wife options to improve.

@colleenyoung Great insight. It has been said anger is a byproduct of fear.

I would try viewing her reaction for the time being as the sound of her pain. It has been said anger is a byproduct of fear. Not sure what to say about her ignoring your post tx emotional state. There are alternate methods of bringing an orgasmic smile to her face. Perhaps time to dive in and offer her a demonstration.

Married 30 years: if she was 20 at the beginning, might she be having menopausal symptoms? The US now has removed the warning on hormonal replacement therapy? I know I am fetching but it seems that her reaction may be out of character. Remember that penile rehab starts early with injections to assist the muscles while you heal from the nervous system shock. It occurs with and without bilateral nerve sparing success.

@chippydoo
Chippy, with all due respect, anger as a feeling can be part of grief process for some people, but when it is directed toward others it is inexcusable.

When it is directed toward person who is suffering and is seriously ill than it is absolutely abusive behavior.

It is time for her to understand that other people do not exist around her to fulfill her needs exclusively - it is the biggest red flag for narcissistic disorder and unfortunately not "changeable". BTW - she is not a preteen that needs to be "demonstrated" how to reach orgasm *sigh, can do it by herself BTW (????). The poor man is still recovering after surgery - now has to "put smile on her face" while she is lashing at him and accusing HIM of selfishness for saving his own life from cancer and while he is still in both physical and emotional pain ?

@thmssllvn
As a woman, I can assure you that being menopausal does not cause woman to become abusive nor "sadistic" (as her husband described her), nor was this out of her character since they had "other rough patches" (as her husband indicated). The loss of erections is the least of their problems, unfortunately, and only a serious and long counseling can possibly help (but I am not holding my breath for her ). I am often astounded with what some men and women put up with and are finding excuses for inexcusable : ((( . I am very giving and loving person but at the same time nobody walks over me or mistreats me - oh boy, God help them if they try lol.

Surf, it sound like you are lecturing. Not interested.

@chippydoo

I was commenting ; ) - that is how "debate" looks like. I am definitely not interested in "lecturing" either, I perhaps "sound" more serious than usual - but this is a serious matter - abuse is something that has no excuse. I am sorry that you see my post as such. I will refrain from debating directly with you in the future : ). Wishing you very pleasant and cozy morning : )))