Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”

@pem I cannot imagine adding a child to this mix! Some days even the dogs are challenging. The television blaring is enough over stimulation for me..

Hard, hard, hard. My husband, yesterday, didn’t remember that his family all were here for a big birthday celebration for him, the previous night. Today, he has asked me the same question, over and over, about some future plans we have. The last time he asked, I didn’t stop and tell him again, and try to explain. I just couldn’t do it again ! But, I hate to be this way.

I just joined this group and this is my first comment. I'm glad I found others that have experienced the same frustrations and emotions that I am having now. My husband was diagnosed with MCI about a month ago. His impairment stems from his condition of Normal Pressure Hydrocephalus. NPH means he has too much cerebral fluid. The treatment is to have a shunt inserted in the brain to drain the fluid. He had that done in 2023 and had a brain bleed 3 months later because the shunt drained too much fluid. Neurosurgeon was able to drain the fluid with no brain damage. He needed an adjustment to the shunt late February this year and again the shunt drained too much fluid, causing another brain bleed in April. The shunt is not suitable for him. The NPH causes gait issues, dementia, and incontinence.
In the last six months since the brain bleed he has become a different man. He has the gait of a much older person and has been diagnosed with MCI. Incontinence is beginning but not regularly yet.
I am experiencing grief, anger, frustration, constant sadness, depression. I want to cry all the time. We live in our two-story home of 40 years and I'm looking for a place with bedrooms on first level. He cannot help me sort out the collection of "stuff" we've gathered over many years, and it's an overwhelming task. I'm making financial decisions without him because he doesn't care. With finding a new home, making financial decisions, paying bills, taking care of car maintenance (I cried at Valvoline because I couldn't pop the hood!) and handling bill payments, yard care, etc., I'm at my wits end. We've always enjoyed regular evenings out with friends and do use alcohol. He is now obsessed with going out and drinks more beer than he did before. He is also obsessed with his reading articles on his phone and does so even when we're in social situations.
I am going to talk to my doctor and am glad to have found this place to talk with others in my shoes. I've read helpful comments here and feel like I might find some commiseration and suggestions. Thank you.

@snedakerj I’m so happy for that you found Mayo Clinic Connect and I welcome you. Do you have family or friends who you can confide in? I also suggest that you talk with the folks in his doctor’s office. They should know of support groups for you. I realize you’ve done so, so much already but I think the support groups can benefit both of you.
I’m going to let the members, who are the experts here, tell you all of their tips and stories. Again, welcome.

@snedakerj I’m so sorry. I know how you feel, I’m a short ways from where you are. We’re at the tail end of redoing our living will, because he can still sort of think things through and put on a good show to prove it. I don’t always trust his decisions because I don’t understand some things to do with our household, at least I know all about the banking/finances. I got him a prescription for physical therapy for his lack of balance and his shuffle. The pt even started doing cognitive challenges with him. Now that it’s winter, he is stuck inside and is bored and walks around looking out windows and getting into my business. He also looks at his phone endlessly and often doesn’t acknowledge me when I talk to him, then gets mad at me because he ‘was watching a video!’ and didn’t know I was talking to him! Ohhh! That’s why….
It IS very lonely, sad, overwhelming, frustrating, etc., etc. and yes a lot of tears to shed. I still can’t conform to the fake, sweet understanding of his cruelty and I lash out wrongly. I just want to shock him into being himself again. I know, I can’t do that. I also want to scream at his endless stories about nothing that I am remotely interested in. Or memories of useless information from his life a million years ago, before we were together (for 52 years) or his endless narcissism about every single thing that he likes or loves in the world, because it’s important for us all to know…. We always had favorite shows to watch in the evening, now he sometimes can’t comprehend what is going on in a show, even after I explain it a time or two—also sad and lonely. No best friend to joke with or share a secret. Aurgh!!!!!
I just don’t know how to do this. I’m here. Commiserate all you want with me.
Linda

@dederickve
Same here, after the umpteenth time answering a question I get tight-lipped and tell my husband I can't answer anymore. Sometimes I asked him to write the answer out himself (thank goodness he can still do that), and keep it near so when he's asking again I point to the sign. Desperation is making me get creative so I don't lose it!
All the best, Judi

Thanks. Sent private message.

@dederickve
I understand the frustration with repeating the same thing over and over again all with in a short period of time. I try to remember that this is something she can’t control. It is hard on me, but I try to remember it is harder on her. Sometimes I just have to take a walk and get away.

Good days and bad days. Lots of questions and I try not to run out of patience and stay calm. Getting almost as bad as the questions is his wanting me to help with everything….even chores and personal tasks he is quite capable of doing on his own. It would be easier if he showed a little appreciation for all the meals and care.

He just started using Rivastigmine transdermal patches.

@bstahl Thank you.