Hurt by Daughter’s Travel Plans

@davej

You gave the positive answer! When the daughter got married, did Mom and Dad become friends with the new in-laws. 90 minutes is not a big drive today, either way. New friends are always fun!

@samclembeau Such a wholesome way to look at this.

Not selfish wanting to see a much loved daughter more in person (not just on face time etc).

But so important to look at things standing in their daughter’s shoes.

It must be very stressful for the daughter trying to enjoy her very limited free time and being held to account how she and her husband fit their respective parents into that time and into business trips. It sounds like they do a pretty good job of making themselves available.

It hurt my heart to read people suggesting changing the Will. Goodness.

@scottij
So right: Anger goes and love flows. Doing what is sensitive to everyone involved and accepting them as they are is always a sound decision.

@rollingf 90 minutes may not be a long drive but a lot depends on the traffic on highways. Heavy traffic can make driving even a shorter distance stressful for seniors.

I work in a retirement/nursing home. I think it is a relief for some people to move into a facility, but it is not the solution for everyone. Can you get a home Healthcare worker? My mom and dad took care of my grandmother for years. They had a nurse come in and help (I think) once a week. But I have to add, my sister helped alot too. Somehow family is just not as important as it used to be. I hope your son wakes up to your predicament. Do you have a church family? 🙏

@amu45sin Change the will? I don't think I would shoot right to that position as a solution. I'm assuming you have spoken to your daughter directly (alone) about how you are feeling? There might be other legitimate reasons.

@nannybb was this meant to go on another discussion thread …? Just wondering, because he original poster is only 68, and has a daughter who she seems disappointed with …🤔

Yep...it certainly was. Just pay it no never mind...I appear to be loosing mine
😂

I want to thank all of you who responded to my post. Many of your comments were very thoughtful, compassionate, and insightful, other comments offered thought-provoking questions, and some were a bit harsh that caught me by surprise. Our daughter has been married 5 years and a couple of years before the wedding we met the in-laws and arranged a few get togethers to get to know them better. Conversations became strained primarily because we had nothing in common, only the marriage of our kids. My husband I have no problem getting together when the kids are visiting them, but because it is the in-law’s home, I don’t feel comfortable suggesting it. I had hoped that the in-laws or my daughter would invite us down for a visit. That has yet to happen even when I have had those conversations with my daughter. Maybe she is appeasing her husband or maybe the in-laws don’t want us to visit…either way, she has not offered any explanation, only an apology and “maybe next time”. The phrase “unconditional love” haunts me every time I question my negative feelings when my daughter chooses to see her in-laws more often. At the end of the day, I don’t love her any less because I know that I will always be there for her when she needs me. But unconditional love doesn’t take away the hurt nor the loneliness I feel when she can’t find it in her heart to reach out to me when she is close by. What I have come to realize is that I cannot change her behavior, I will never understand it, but I can over time learn to accept it…my health and well-being depends on it! FYI…the Palm Springs trip will not be canceled; it will be another opportunity to see her and more importantly, Christmas is the perfect time to celebrate being together. Again, I am so grateful for your feedback, your comments really helped 😊

@rashida I agree, I gave up my driver's license over five years ago. So I have extended an invite to my in-laws. Plus we meet with the "kids" often. However, I have one daughter who has withdrawn from the family and refuses contact with any of us. I have tried various forms of contacting her but she doesn't respond. Unless, one knows what the problem is between people, it is hard to recommend a course of action. It may seem hard to do, but if a person doesn't know why someone won't communicate with them, it is up to them to find out why. It may be difficult, but it is possible. One may have to resort to a third party--who knows both people--to find the answer.