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Caring for a Strong-Willed, Controlling Spouse - How do you do it?
The tables have turned. I'm a Lymphoma survivor of nine plus years. My wife has taken great care of me. I have a positive reaction to Ibrutinib and have been doing well. Now it is my turn to care for my wife. She is scheduled for surgery to get a firbroid removed from near her Ovaries. We won't know whether or not she has cancer until after the pathology is done, two weeks after the surgery. She has to have a complete hysterectomy and maybe even lymph nodes if there is cancer. At any rate for a month or so she will be healing. Here surgery is scheduled for the 26th of April. Her surgery was going to be on the twelfth but she caught a bad cough and has to get over a viral infection first. She has seen our family physician twice, and is just now slowing down on serious coughing and eating again. I do my best to cook, clean house, shop, and all the things she insisted on doing by herself. She is very exacting on how she wants things done. I am hard of hearing and she gets upset when she has to repeat herself. If I guess at what she wants and get it wrong, oh well, you get the picture. I have to control myself better and be there for her. I have to swallow my pride and do what is right for her. It is not easy. I will enjoy reading further at how forum members cope and provide the care their loved ones deserve.
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Two more chemo treatments to go and we have had four past treatments to date. She has since seen our family doctor and a heart doctor. She was prescribed two different blood pressure meds., and that has helped. Side effects last longer after each session. We go to genetic marker counseling and testing tomorrow. We both wear face masks when we're in public places now. We're both considered immuno-compromised.
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2 ReactionsHow are you and your wife doing, Royce? Have you been able to find someone to give you some help with your wife?
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1 Reaction@goldie01 Thank you for asking. My wife gets one more maintenance infusion next week. She has many side effects and warriors through them every day. She has slowed down but still manages to do a lot of things, and I am with her every step of the way. I had kidney issues but they have passed (literally), and continue preventive skin cancer treatment using Fluorouracil (what a name). We are soldiering on and we have decided to be fighters.
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2 ReactionsThis topic could be flipped, 'how to deal with a strong willed caregiver?' It may be a little frustrating because you as the 'care receiver' are often told, "Yes we can do that, but not right now, we should do it [this afternoon] [tomorrow] when we go to [dinner] [shopping] [the park], so we can save [time] [money] [gas], wouldn't that be better?
I also remind her, "I'm doing the best I can, you understand that don't you?"
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2 ReactionsI am the caregiver of my husband , 2 months before surgery and now one month after surgery. He has always been somewhat harsh and over the top with issues he has yelled at me about . right before he got sick,I cried out to God to help me. That I couldn't do the marriage as it was. He is 76. I am 71.Then immediately after testing he had to have intense surgery on his spine.I had already depleted myself by taking his party dark personality to heart for 26 yrs.I am still depleted but am also seeking God and Jesus Christ. I'm slowly learning to say no ,tell him if he yells I will leave his presence. I'm setting boundaries, take myself out to lunch once a week. I am slowly starting to value myself as God's child and just because I am me.i see a therapist and I have a support group.GodBless
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