My wife suddenly died next to me after 40 WONDERFUL years of marriage

I know exactly where you are coming from. After 6 months, I still can't get rid of anything at all and have trouble even looking at her clothes. As I said, time will heal but only to a degree. Never completely. We need to reconfigure our lives without the other person which is very difficult. We were married 2,752 weeks and she has been gone only 25 weeks. I try to remain active, and it helps,

Hag in there buddy I know it must be hard but it not going to happen over night, but you will except what has happen in time & just keep the memorious of the great time you had together .

I'm so sorry that you had to go through losing your wife unexpectedly. That is just heart breaking. And sometimes people just don't know what to say to us. I want you know that you can turn to Jesus . I don't know what your background is , but I do know that you are hurting and that Jesus is the Prince of Peace. I lost a daughter suddenly . I leaned into God and it has made a difference in my life. As a result I started teaching a Grief Share class so that hopefully i could help others. If you google Grief Share you will see that they have classes world wide. It really helps if you can share your story with like mined people . It will help you tremendously .I'm gonna pray for you dear Sir . It will take time to feel some since of normality again. So try to be kind to your self . Reach out to others that understand what you are going through. You will make it through this storm.

The death of a spouse is a devastating experiencing. I can sympathize as my first husband died when I was 41 (he was 36). Being a relatively young widow was very hard. It was unusual among my friends, and I didn’t want feel my life was over at such a young age. I was also haunted by all we’d miss—raising our daughter, being together, growing old. This was 30 years ago, so I’ve progressed on this journey.
Certain usual things really did help me: therapy, grief group, connecting with other widows, spiritual path, friends, family, and community. This help wasn’t “perfect”—but I appreciated all of it.
I’d suggest trying these things but there are two, very easy, things: reading and writing. I kept a journal (and have continued to do so). And I read some great books about grief. A public librarian can suggest books that might suit your situation and beliefs.
I am fortunate in that I remarried. I’ve learned that almost everyone I encounter in this world, particularly now that I’m in my 70’s, has a broken heart from some kind of grief. As time has passed, I’ve felt less alone. As folks have noted here—the passage of time in and of itself doesn’t help with grief. But time can be a good co-factor. So-called “complicated” grief can be a kind of permanent depression. But when I looked within I was surprised to find a positive human spirit inside me even in the darkest times. I’ve never gotten over my grief, but it doesn’t dominate my life. I’m curious about things that may have helped—particularly easy small things. Anything to share that might help others?

@mir123 - Hi Miriam - Next Wednesday 8/13 will be six months since my wife passed away. And, next week, I will not be at home, I'll be away at a vacation home. I am involved in an in-person support group for those who lost a spouse or partner. There are 12 of us and we meet weekly. It has helped and as you suggested, having the ability to listen to others and talk with others makes me realize there are many dealing with grief. I'm also involved in an on-line support group which has also helped. Also, I find that if I can keep myself busy with small projects, it takes my mind off thinking about my wife. I do have relatives' and friends close by and grown children and grandkids. I try to get together with family a few times a week and not being the best cook on the face of the earth, I get invited to dinner several times a week. Grief is complicated and I was diagnosed with broken heart syndrome in March. The chest discomfort and other symptoms are 95% gone and my doc feels from a medical standpoint I am doing better. I think each person needs to recognize that grief is a real thing and figure out how to best live our lives never forgetting the loved one we lost. I know that is what my wife would want even though it can be tough at times. Ed

I really like the way you said this-- I think each person needs to recognize that grief is a real thing and figure out how to best live our lives never forgetting the loved one we lost.
I hope your time in the vacation home goes well. Glad you are doing better physically--it was shock to me how painfully grief can be on an actual body level. And glad to hear about the support groups. I learned a lot in mine--people really did reach out to each other. Wishing you all the best, and take care.

Az…So sorry for the loss of your beloved spouse. I too lost my spouse of 50 years and dating didn’t work out. Hospice of the
Valley has grief meetings weekly and the counselor is very kind and friendly plus the people attending.Take care of yourself.
PRV.🌻

I just love my loving husband after 36+ wonderful years together. He also died in our bed after an unexpected illness ((ALS) diagnosed 2 years prior. I hear you and understand your pain. Its been almost 8 months and I still cry everyday. I miss his company and just having him around.
Most people around me say nice things with good intentions but I feel worst cause they dont understand the feeling of emptiness and of been incomplete. Im a therapist myself and my colleagues and friends recommend to see a therapist but I believe this pain is part of a process of grief that should take its own course.
In my case I dont want to date or find a new partner but can understand that it may help or be an option for other people.
I cant imagine how hurtful most have been for you to feel rejected by those 3 women. Try not to take it too personally though I know its personal. Neither one of them seemed to have been able to understand your feelings and at least be a good listener and appreciate your invitation to dinner.
From my own experience its helping to allow myself to cry, be upset, angry or anything I feel with the certainty that at some point I will learn to live with the good memories and accept that his not coming back. At this point this is the hardest cause all I wish is to have him close to me even if its for a few minutes. I hope sharing this with you do not add to your pain. All I want is to let you know that its Ok to feel the way you feel right now and you dont need to comply or try to fell or behave as other expects you to.
Take care and blessings to you. V

@bibiana75 It’s helpful for me to see your thoughts today. I lost my wife of 58 years on August 13 so this is my first Thanksgiving without her. On top of that I’m in the hospital today with colitis and have no family around. I’m feeling pretty low. I have been praying to get better and get home but there’s still the sadness and loneliness there when I do. I can understand your pain and hope it lessens with time. This is a hard path to follow. Blessings to you and the others in this posting.

Hmmm. Are you suicidal?
FOUR antidepressants?
Perhaps see another psychiatrist. You might do better w/ Effexor. AND there’s this marvelous new treatment for depression called SAINT (Stanford Accelerated Integral Neuromodular Therapy) which takes from 5-10 days. It is a variant of TMS, but for me, it was more effective. It’s available nationwide in larger cities. It’s partially covered by Medicare and other insurance.
There are good therapists and abysmally bad ones that seem to be in majority. You find a good one by asking around. I found my exceptionally good one (and I’ve been in enough good psychotherapy to know) by asking at my hairdresser’s!! It might be different for guys b/c generally men have a hard time sharing feelings. If you know anyone in therapy, ask them if they like their therapist and if so, for their name. Sometimes ministers/priests do pastoral counseling. I’ve never tried that route.
As several have said—have you allowed yourself time to grieve? It takes at least a year to acutely grieve.
Your daughter in law’s statement was horrible.
Have you tried senior centers? They would be a place for some low key socializing. Ditto for volunteer jobs.
I dread the idea of my husband dying. I’m afraid I will get depressed (again). So I’ve spent some time thinking about it and the above is what I’ve come up with.
Good luck and report back so we know how you’re doing!