1. < Depression & Anxiety

Long-term depression

Posted by anniep @anniep, Mar 8, 2017

New to the group; would like to ask how others find something to look forward to in life? At my age, there's nothing to hope for, except death. I am a born-again Christian, so I know there is an escape from the physical pain and limitations brought on by illness, and escape from daily depression and motivation to continue. I try to remain active and do have interests, but sometimes the depression is too much. I have also realized when others say they care, etc., there truly is no one who means what they say. It's "We care, so long as you just keep doing your job here, but don't bother me - but we love you!" I'm old enough to know this is not true, but a method to keep a warm body in a position to get a job done. One of my 92 year old neighbors happily moves along, although she tells me almost all her friends are gone, etc. I can't ask her what motivates her. How do others have hope for anything after their families are gone and there is nothing else?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety Support Group.

Jan | @theotherone | Aug 29, 2018
In reply to @gingerw "@theotherone we are all here for you. Society seems to place such a stigma in people..." + (show)
@gingerw

@theotherone we are all here for you. Society seems to place such a stigma in people sharing their heartfelt emotions when in the throes of depression. It feels like there are no safe places. We care
Ginger

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@gingerw thank you for your encouraging post. I'm very happy I found Connect. Although I don't post much, it helps me a lot.

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Jan | @theotherone | Aug 29, 2018
In reply to @windwalker "@theotherone Hello Jan. I hope that you and @gingerw don't mind my interjection in your conversation...." + (show)
@windwalker

@theotherone Hello Jan. I hope that you and @gingerw don't mind my interjection in your conversation. Yes, there is stigma still about mental illness, but not as much as you believe. Just about everyone has a relative or family member that has some form of mental illness, whether it be OCD, bi-polar, or straight up depression. My daughter has bi-polar and ocd. She THINKS nobody knows or cares (but everybody does know something is not right with her and does care). She will not open up about any of it to anyone. SHE is the one with the stigma. I feel badly that you feel like there is nowhere to turn to. Have you ever heard of NAMI? They are a national group that supports and educates in the name of Mental Illness. They are fighting hard to elimenate the stigma. I am doing my part by openly talking about my daughter. You can Google NAMI and try to find a physical/local support group. You can really learn a lot from other people. I really wish my daughter would open up about her bi-polar or reach out when she is able, but she doesn't. I worry incessantly about her and feel helpless. You and Ginger have shared your feelings about your depression; I just wanted to share mine from the other side of the fence. Sending you both hugs.

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@windwalker I've read about NAMI but in not sure if I can contact them, because I live outside U.S.
Thank you for sharing your story. I can understand that your daughter doesn't like to open up about her condition. People can be very mean, I experienced in the past that somebody seems to be understanding but then stubbed me in my back. Of course, other people can see that something is not all right, especially if they deal with that person for longer time. It happened to me in my previous jobs. But it is important to know that someone care. There may an only a few people who may know about about it and understand it. We just need to find these people.

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2 replies
Jan | @theotherone | Aug 29, 2018
In reply to @gingerw "@theotherone [Jan] this is absolutely not usual in my experience. If the Dr's daughter was there,..." + (show)
@gingerw

@theotherone [Jan] this is absolutely not usual in my experience. If the Dr's daughter was there, the Dr. should have asked you if it was okay for daughter to be there. Only two instances in my experience. In Jan 1999 I was in hospital for hysterectomy, and Dr came in on Sunday morning to check on me. He brought his little daughter as it was his day off, but it was okay. The other time I was seeing my old PvP, he had a high school student following him around for a few days. He escorted him out as we were going to talk about my depression, but I asked the young man to return, because he should not gloss over that people do get depressed.
Ginger

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@gingerw It seemed absolutely strange to me. She didn't asked me if I mind it at all. I understand maybe she couldn't leave her alone at home, it's ok, but somehow I couldn't talk about my problems there. She could at least ask, but she acted like there is nothing uncommon.

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3 replies
Mentor
John, Volunteer Mentor | @johnbishop | Aug 29, 2018
In reply to @theotherone "@windwalker I've read about NAMI but in not sure if I can contact them, because I..." + (show)
@theotherone

@windwalker I've read about NAMI but in not sure if I can contact them, because I live outside U.S.
Thank you for sharing your story. I can understand that your daughter doesn't like to open up about her condition. People can be very mean, I experienced in the past that somebody seems to be understanding but then stubbed me in my back. Of course, other people can see that something is not all right, especially if they deal with that person for longer time. It happened to me in my previous jobs. But it is important to know that someone care. There may an only a few people who may know about about it and understand it. We just need to find these people.

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Hello @theotherone -- I have a similar story as @windwalker with our son and we found NAMI a very supportive when we really needed to talk to someone in a similar situation. I thought I would share that there is more global focus on mental health now. I found these two articles that may help you find a local support group associated with NAMI.

NAMI Announces Global Partnership Initiative (2002)
-- https://www.nami.org/Press-Media/Press-Releases/2002/NAMI-Announces-Global-Partnership-Initiative

World Health Day Spotlights Depression (April 2017)
-- https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/April-2017/World-Health-Day-Spotlights-Depression

John

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Mentor
Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Aug 29, 2018
In reply to @theotherone "@gingerw It seemed absolutely strange to me. She didn't asked me if I mind it at..." + (show)
@theotherone

@gingerw It seemed absolutely strange to me. She didn't asked me if I mind it at all. I understand maybe she couldn't leave her alone at home, it's ok, but somehow I couldn't talk about my problems there. She could at least ask, but she acted like there is nothing uncommon.

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@theotherone If that dr is part of a medical group, you may want to let the administrator know what happened. Or your local medical society. There must be some guidelines for expectations.
Ginger

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Mentor
Terri Martin, Volunteer Mentor | @windwalker | Aug 29, 2018
In reply to @theotherone "@windwalker I've read about NAMI but in not sure if I can contact them, because I..." + (show)
@theotherone

@windwalker I've read about NAMI but in not sure if I can contact them, because I live outside U.S.
Thank you for sharing your story. I can understand that your daughter doesn't like to open up about her condition. People can be very mean, I experienced in the past that somebody seems to be understanding but then stubbed me in my back. Of course, other people can see that something is not all right, especially if they deal with that person for longer time. It happened to me in my previous jobs. But it is important to know that someone care. There may an only a few people who may know about about it and understand it. We just need to find these people.

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@theotherone Hello Jan. Thank you for your input. My mother was bi-polar, and then it skipped a generation, and now; my daughter. I also have several friends affected by it. Because I am so familiar with it, I have a lot of compassion and understanding for those that suffer any kind of mental illness. My daughter knows that I love her and am here for her no matter what. May I ask what country you live in?

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GailBL, Alumni Mentor | @gailb | Aug 29, 2018
In reply to @theotherone "@gingerw It seemed absolutely strange to me. She didn't asked me if I mind it at..." + (show)
@theotherone

@gingerw It seemed absolutely strange to me. She didn't asked me if I mind it at all. I understand maybe she couldn't leave her alone at home, it's ok, but somehow I couldn't talk about my problems there. She could at least ask, but she acted like there is nothing uncommon.

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@theotherone

Jan, I've been following your discussion and I want to encourage you to find another therapist. It was very inappropriate for her to have anyone else in the room while you are there for a session. Is she a psychiatrist, a psychologist, or a counselor/MSW? If she is a psychiatrist, she is really only there to prescribe medication, not for counseling. I have had my best counseling with MSW's and psychologists. At any rate, please search for a new counselor. The one you have is clearly not helpful for you.

When I was in talk therapy, I had to see 3 different counselors before I found the one I had good rapport with. Just like with medication, we all react differently to the same med. The same is even more true for talk therapy. The first thing that must be established is a feeling of safety, i.e., that you can trust this other person with your deepest, darkest fears or thoughts. It takes time to develop the feelings of safety. However, you have to find a person with whom you feel comfortable before you can develop trust.

Also, I wouldn't recommend that you start in group therapy at this time since you are having a hard time sharing your feelings. That can happen after you have been able to share with a good therapist and are feeling more confident about your feelings.

My thoughts and recommendations are offered from my 30 years of experience as a patient, as well as a Support Group Network Full Facilitator for 7 years. I am not a licensed professional though, so be sure to check what I'm saying here against your own experience and intuition. I recommend NAMI as a group through which to find a therapist possibly. I will continue to participate in this thread and welcome exchanging posts with you if you wish. I think I have been where you are, and there is a way to move through it to a better place and a happier life. I hope to hear from you.

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Mamacita, Alumna Mentor | @mamacita | Aug 30, 2018
In reply to @windwalker "You are welcome. The 12 week class I took was a real eye opener and I..." + (show)
@windwalker

<br><br><br><br><br>You are welcome. The 12 week class I took was a real eye opener and I now <br>have a lot of patience and understanding for my daughter who has bi-polar <br>disorder.<br> <br><br>

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Hey, Terri M. This is Mamacita Jane, Volunteer Mentor. I have started going back and looking at some of the sites that I had missed a year ago. I am hoping to, I don't know, perhaps understand folks a little better? I feel like I have missed so much. I want to learn all I can to better help those who turn to Mayo Clinic Connect for support, comfort, and information. Love you!

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Moderator
Lisa Lucier, Moderator | @lisalucier | Aug 30, 2018
In reply to @brenda61 "Well, I am a very large person. I also have arthritic knees. But, I also do..." + (show)
@brenda61

Well, I am a very large person. I also have arthritic knees. But, I also do not enjoy being around a lot of people. Driving the car also makes me nervous now. I am just a hot mess.

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Hi, @brenda61 -- just thinking of you and wondering how things are going? Have you been out much lately?

@paracat -- I hope that all is well. Have you by chance found a doctor you like?

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Lyn | @pearlbaby7 | Aug 30, 2018
In reply to @lisalucier "Hello, @pearlbaby7 - welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. I agree that not letting yourself be taken..." + (show)
@lisalucier

Hello, @pearlbaby7 - welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. I agree that not letting yourself be taken advantage of is important.

It sounds from your posts like you may have had some experiences with needing to say no to protect yourself and your health, however hard to do. Wondering if you would share more about those, if you feel comfortable?

@theotherone - wanted to see how you are doing these days? Did you end up finding a new psychiatrist?

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I see that some of you have support systems and some don't. I have my cousin who lives about 3 hours away and has her hands full with caring for a disabled husband, a mother with Alzheimer's, working tax season and whenever they call her in and being expected to cater all funerals at her church with no help. So I try not to say much to her when I'm struggling. The only other person in my life is my neighbor. She brings me dinner every night and goes to the store for me. I really appreciate all she does but one time she called me lazy and made derogatory comments a couple of other times. It's not just the depression that limits me. I have to use a wheelchair and that slows me down. I also have a problem forcing myself out the door so extending my support system is difficult. How do you all get motivated to get out and socialize?

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