Husband developing memory issues

@lkbous @jannew
I welcome you too, as a newcomer to this group. I too didn't know what to do with my husband who wasn't remembering things, his refusal to see any doctor, his strange quirky ways for the last year, one day miraculously okay, the next, not so good. So, I wrote a note in the portal to our primary care in August 2025 and told her the things he was doing and my concern. And that I was worried that what he was experiencing wasn't age related. She set up an appointment with the nurse practitioner to see us both, and I told him that we were both going to the doctors', to make sure we were okay. When we got there, I had practiced all night what I was going to say, so I didn't make him angry....I remember writing it down.....we both had been under a lot of stress, that both of us were forgetting things from time to time, possibly due to all that stress, maybe the load of having to move out of our house for mold and living out of boxes, etc. That nothing felt normal now. I remember looking at him, and telling him that I loved him, that I never wanted anything to happen to him, and that if anything was wrong, we owed it to each other to help each other, why we were sitting at the doctor's that day.
I looked at my husband and told him that I loved him, that I was genuinely worried, that I did notice a change in him, and that I wanted to catch it early. So, they did blood work on me, and told him, that it wasn't unusual for patients his age, to forget, but that they were going to do a test to determine if there might be more there. She told him, if there was more there, it was good that he came in, because the earlier the findings, the earlier the doctor could address things. After that doctor tested him, told him he showed some memory issues (but mild), and not unusual for his age, but that she wanted him to see a neurologist for further testing.
So we walked downstairs and booked an appointment that same day with a neurologist. Since then, the doctor did the testing, diagnosed Mild Cognitive Impairment, and one month later he started the lequembe infusions. He's had 4 of them to date. He now tells our adult children that the infusions are important because they are going to remove his plaques. He's positive even over his MRI yesterday reading all the medical terms yet telling me he was fine. So, we're hopeful. Although I go in and out of naturally being frightened and feeling so alone. I know one thing: I'm so glad I had the courage that day to write the doctor in the portal. I hope this helps as to the timing on when to reach out to a doctor. The sooner you know as a spouse that something isn't right with your loved one, is the time, I think, we do something to slow any progression down. I hope this helps.

@kjc48 ,wow, what a great story! So glad things are going so well! I sure do hope the meds help! Many warm wishes your way!

There is a long list of medications that can cause this. My husband has MCI, but one new prescription sent him straight to Lewy Body Dementia symptoms. It was a horrible period in our lives because it was so sudden. His sleep neurologist figured it out and helped me wean him off the drug. Within days he was back to baseline.

I then weaned him off of other unnecessary prescriptions. His PCP supported me on that project.

Has your husband started any new prescriptions? I would go to an appointment for this reason alone.

He may not like it, my husband was very vocal about letting everyone know there is nothing wrong with him and he just was there because his wife insisted! But you do need to know and plan.

It’s so hard getting older!

So sorry you are going through this. I agree with several others, early diagnosis helps to rule out other issues that could be showing up as dementia.

As far as the emotions, they are tough, real and valid. All of them. It helps being able to share - helps you to express and helps others. You are not alone.

Hoping you are able to find just the right window to talk to your husband when he is most receptive.

Hi J:
I get the dread and anxiety, it's stressful. The best defense I guess is education, and sounds like you have experience, and getting support (even if virtual).
Not much advice, I just get it, too and wanted to offer a virtual hug. 🫂

@lkbous @jannew
I welcome you too, as a newcomer to this group. I too didn't know what to do with my husband who wasn't remembering things, his refusal to see any doctor, his strange quirky ways for the last year, one day miraculously okay, the next, not so good. So, I wrote a note in the portal to our primary care in August 2025 and told her the things he was doing and my concern. And that I was worried that what he was experiencing wasn't age related. She set up an appointment with the nurse practitioner to see us both, and I told him that we were both going to the doctors', to make sure we were okay. When we got there, I had practiced all night what I was going to say, so I didn't make him angry....I remember writing it down.....we both had been under a lot of stress, that both of us were forgetting things from time to time, possibly due to all that stress, maybe the load of having to move out of our house for mold and living out of boxes, etc. That nothing felt normal now. I remember looking at him, and telling him that I loved him, that I never wanted anything to happen to him, and that if anything was wrong, we owed it to each other to help each other, why we were sitting at the doctor's that day.
I looked at my husband and told him that I loved him, that I was genuinely worried, that I did notice a change in him, and that I wanted to catch it early. So, they did blood work on me, and told him, that it wasn't unusual for patients his age, to forget, but that they were going to do a test to determine if there might be more there. She told him, if there was more there, it was good that he came in, because the earlier the findings, the earlier the doctor could address things. After that doctor tested him, told him he showed some memory issues (but mild), and not unusual for his age, but that she wanted him to see a neurologist for further testing.
So we walked downstairs and booked an appointment that same day with a neurologist. Since then, the doctor did the testing, diagnosed Mild Cognitive Impairment, and one month later he started the lequembe infusions. He's had 4 of them to date. He now tells our adult children that the infusions are important because they are going to remove his plaques. He's positive even over his MRI yesterday reading all the medical terms yet telling me he was fine. So, we're hopeful. Although I go in and out of naturally being frightened and feeling so alone. I know one thing: I'm so glad I had the courage that day to write the doctor in the portal. I hope this helps as to the timing on when to reach out to a doctor. The sooner you know as a spouse that something isn't right with your loved one, is the time, I think, we do something to slow any progression down. I hope this helps.

@kjc48
Thank you for your reply to my post, it was a breath of relief to hear from many on the forum and know that I am not alone. Your very detailed message about the process you used to get your husband in to the dr. was so helpful. I will have to find the right approach, my husband does not think he has memory issues and thinks I have the memory issues because I am remembering things differently from him. However I really get the message that acting early is key and the sooner the better. Thank you for your wise words, and best wishes to you and your husband, J.

@dig2dye2
Thank you for your reply, it felt like a breath of relief to hear from many of you on the forum and know I am not alone. Your mention of the medication issue gives me pause as he did start a new blood pressure med, Atenolol, a few months ago. Looked it up and it does seem that it can cause memory problems in some people. I need to find the right time to talk with him about this, he does not think he is forgetful and thinks it is me who is having the problem. But we do need to know. Thank you for the wise words, J.

@tracidw
Thank you for your reply, it was a breath of relief to hear from several people on the forum, and to feel like I am not alone. I think getting into the dr. early is the clear message, the challenge will be how to do that as he thinks he has no memory problems. He does not remember what he forgets! Finding the right window will be important and I feel I need just a short time to get a bit more of a measure on this so we have a few more examples to base it on. But yes, it feels pressing to start trying to find the reasons for these changes. Thank you for the support and wise words, J.