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I want to know what's next for me?

Posted by tlynmcgee02 @tlynmcgee02, Jul 22 3:28am

Hi, I'm Tracy and I was a still born baby that was brought back. Afterwards the doctor told my Mom that I had a heat murmur and it was probably just the opening in the atrial wall that hadn't sealed completely and not to worry. 32yrs later after giving birth naturally twice, I was working in my local ER and passed out at work. They sent me home and made me an appointment with a cardiologist. The doctor, after menu tests, told me that my mitral & tricuspid valves never fully formed and they were just open plus I had severe tachycardia. Fast forward again to now, I'm turning 60 in a couple of days and 1 of my doctors said that if I made it to 60 I would need both valves replaced so they would only have to do it once in my life. I've stopped going to doctors because of many reasons but I'm scared and I just keep thinking I've given birth, had a heat attack, died several times and I'm still here. So I guess what I really want to know is an idea of what the next year's of my life look like? Yes I have chest pains and fatigue, dizzy spells, weakness but I've learned to live with it. Anyway, Thank you for whatever you can offer.

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gloaming | @gloaming | Aug 1 3:21pm
In reply to @tlynmcgee02 "First, I want you all to know I appreciate your words very much. I thought I..." + (show)
Profile picture for tlynmcgee02 @tlynmcgee02

First, I want you all to know I appreciate your words very much. I thought I should give you a little more information. Within the last 10 years I have found my mother dead found my father dead Lost my only granddaughter to an accident lost my brother who I completely adored My nephew was killed my aunt died suddenly and my sister and my daughter both have made comments that they wish someone was in heaven waiting with their children that have died. My mother and brother and father I'll head open heart surgery My mother got Mercer and died my brother and my father but did Billy will help with it. I've had nine surgeries in my life I've died on the table three times, I just don't know if it's worth going through all that or putting in God's hands and letting everything happen the way it will. My husband are extremely poor We don't have a car we live in a mobile home falling down and it just isn't going to get better I don't think. So really I'm struggling for a reason to fight for my own life. I quit going to the doctor's because I didn't want to be here with all the pain I had been through emotionally. Thank you all for listening. God bless you!

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Thanks for opening up a bit. My sense is that even recalling all this pain and composing the post above was sad and uncomfortable, considering all the events you describe. It has been a tough row to hoe. I see more clearly now that this isn't just a matter of not trusting doctors or fearing the worst.
Perhaps it will be worth struggling through the gloom a bit longer in case someone you love could use your knowledge, your love, your energy...? Would anyone you know benefit from having you around a while yet?

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gently | @gently | Aug 2 12:56am

Tracy, aortic, tricuspid and mitral can be replaced with keyhole surgeries. You've had a tremendously painful emotional life losing so many close to you. Even with the deepest empathy, none of us can understand the depth of this pain. We're rooting for you though, wishing you some time in life with peace, without pain. I hope that you have the surgeries and find some part of life that is good. Thank you for the blessing.

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tatiana987 | @tatiana987 | Aug 2 7:49pm

It sounds like you could have a lot of good years before you and you should go for them. Who knows what wonderful things might come your way?

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