Sinking ship

Actually you were there when she needed you ! Kudos to you for loving and helping her at one of the worst diagnosis ever. I bet she will keep you til the end of time. 🫂

Oh honey, my thoughts, prayers and understanding are with you.

I bet there are even days you don't get anything done.
My H is starting the dementia trip and it is difficult.

We are going through the exact same thing, as of last week we have Psw workers twice a day and a nurse coming once a day, he can no longer walk, so we have to lift him to wheelchair to respectfully take him to the bathroom. Refuses hospice, but the three of us stay with him around the clock, we use a baby moniyptor and a bell now he can ring as he can only whisper. He sleeps in his bed, we dress and wheel him to his lazy boy chair where he sits all day, with fluids and food whenever he requests. We see you. Hugs

Ps he’s always cold, and it’s hot out, so we boil, lately we put a sweater on him and a blanket, so we can keep the air on. Yes everything is a fog. What day is it. We use alprazolam for sleep and mood as per doctor, and pain medications.

No, you are not going crazy!
He is just sad and angry that he can't do the things he use to do and taking it out on you because you are the only one there. I was a aide that came in to relive the caregiver and I have heard and saw many cases like this. I am new to this blog but saw your post.
Do you think he would let anyone come in to help.
There is something called Respite care, maybe his doctor can place a order for it home health .It would get you out of the house for maybe a hour or two. It works, small steps at a time
I would love to talk more about it.

Janiemae: Sounds familiar. My hubby had another ablation in early April and has the same issues as with the first one. Everything tastes "off" and he has no appetite (except for sweets) and it is very difficult to make meals. If he eats one bite too much he gets sick and may vomit. I throw away more than we eat. He doesn't even like steak. He's cranky sometimes when he feels bad. This will pass eventually (I hope) like it did before. He has Special K with Carnation Breakfast Essentials and blueberries for breakfast. He might have a raisin/cinnamon English muffin for a snack during the day. For dinner I ask him what sounds good and make that even if I have to run to the store to get ingredients.
We keep the thermostat on 78 all year. It might be 96 outside and warm in the house and he will come out to the great room and turn on the fireplace. It is often miserable for me. A couple of hours later, I'll find him in the bedroom with the ceiling fan on complaining about the heat. He also had Merkle Cell carcinoma on his ear in '23 besides the heart failure, brain bleed and other issues. I think it must be awful for him.
I have never been known for my patience but this caregiver gig is teaching me to try to understand and to stay cool.

Big hugs to you.

I have so many people asking “How’s your husband?” “How is he doing?”…. Once someone asked me how *I’m* doing, and I burst into tears.

We matter too. ❤️

Wish I could bring pizza and come and watch tv with him for a while so you could get a break. (And every one of us would love to come and eat your breakfasts and dinners! - and say THANK YOU!!! 🤗)

Oh honey, I so understand how you feel and where you are at.
There are many days I want to scream and just run away. Today H started "explaining" to me about how Trump was putting tariffs on EGYPT and India. Then it was back to checking the outside temp. every, oh, 10-15 mins. and moan about how hot it was getting.

He walks around the house shuffling, hacking, grunting, moaning and groaning and, how do I say it, trying to suck phlegm out of his "lungs" because of his physical condition. It is torture to hear this all day, every day.

I was out on the sunroom reading yesterday and he got all upset claiming I was avoiding him. He was right, it is hard to read with the hacking, etc.

Rest assured, we have been to docs for all these issues and no matter what they prescribe he has a problem with it. All meds have side effects. Last time the Doc. told him that he had gone through all the stuff available for his asthma, there was nothing else. This because H wanted something else to try. H got to the end f the road with the asthma drugs, it was either go back to one he had tried already or go without. He just doesn't understand.

I do so need that diagnosis of dementia for him, as it would open up a lot of help for us. We are not wealthy by a long shot, but just above the cap for getting the help we need. That diagnosis would help us a lot with care etc. for him with the advantage insurance co.

I want to add here that the only relative around us is his daughter. She wanted us to move here so she could "help us out in our old age". She lives 5 miles away and he hasn't seen her in 6 months. The only time she showed up in a timely manner was about a year ago when H had a heart attack scare and they kept him in hospital for a few days. She showed up, when I wasn't there, with a WILL for him to sign so that he could sign everything over to her and she would take care of him. She was going to have two of the nurses witness it!

That felt good to spill the full truth. Usually when I talk about that I say that she was talking to him about his will because I didn't want to say and face just what she was up to. So since she didn't get what she wants she have little, if anything to do with H or me, and that includes Christmas, Thanksgiving etc. She didn't even bother to call or send a card to him for Fathers Day.

My Doctor is aware of her behavior and has told me that if she starts up on him and me again about the will or giving her things, etc. to let him know immediately. I told him about it last August.

@kartwk
I am sorry for all you are enduring. Although my dad is not nearly as difficult, I can relate to some of your situation. Sometimes it’s the “little” things. Since I was very young, mouth noises would set my teeth on edge. Fingernails on a chalkboard? No problem. Someone throwing up? I’m fine. But smacking, etc mouth noises? Yikes! Now, dad doesn’t do it none stop—don’t know how you remain sane. But he, too, has sinus issues and the mouth and nasal noises are frequent—especially when trapped in the car at close quarters together. Sometimes I just have to giggle to myself—“God, what am I suppose to learn from this? Patience I suppose?!?” Stretching……ever stretching…..And except here, where can you talk about such a petty thing without people hard core judging? But try it being your daily reality for years upon years upon years….hoping I will become desensitized eventually! Blessings to you for a refreshing easy day!