Sleepless: How do you keep your spouse asleep & get sleep youself?

Posted by maryvc @maryvc, Jun 26 8:06am

No sleep. My husband has been falling asleep fine but wakes up twice to go to the bathroom, needs redirection and often wants to stay up after 3 or 4 AM. I’m exhausted monitoring all night and trying to keep him asleep so I can sleep.
He is on Trazadone, melatonin and l theanine. I’m going to increase the melatonin and Trazadone.
Also need a new before bed routine. We. No longer can watch anything stressful before bed. Even the baseball game stressed him out.
HELP! What are you all doing to keep your spouse asleep! Getting enough sleep yourself?
This may lead us to memory care as I am exhausted and burning out.
I have a caregiver twice a week during the day. I don’t think I would sleep any better with an overnight caregiver as been suggested.
I like my privacy and hate someone else in my space.
When we move, if he is not in memory care I will have bedroom next to him and can sleep separately.
I’m so sad and so is he when we are sleepless.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia Support Group.

sillyblone | @sillyblone | Jun 28 7:47pm

In reply to @joedeb "https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0C1HSZR4N?psc=1&ref=ppx_pop_dt_b_product_details Here it is. It works great for me" + (show)

Thank you!

trishaanderson | @trishaanderson | Jun 29 10:17am

I agree with Celcia about the Flomax (Tamsulosin), probably most men at this age have an enlarged prostate. It keeps my husband from getting up multiple times a night. He still gets up once or twice.
But some nights, so do I;-)
There is a big difference when he refuses to take his pills.

DanL | @tunared | Jun 30 8:29am

I'm in the same boat. I sleep with my arm over my wife in case she get's up. I have alarms on all the doors in case she opens one while I'm napping during the day (It's the only way I can catch up on my sleep).

pamela78 | @pamela78 | Jun 30 10:11am

My husband was just described a low dose of Depakote to try to calm some of his sleep agitation. Does anyone else have experience with this drug?

Becky, Volunteer Mentor | @becsbuddy | Jun 30 6:54pm

In reply to @pamela78 "My husband was just described a low dose of Depakote to try to calm some of..." + (show)

12 Depakote Side Effects You Should Know About https://www.goodrx.com/depakote/common-side-effects
Written by Amy B. Gragnolati, PharmD, BCPS | Reviewed by Daphne Berryhill, RPh
Updated on April 1, 2024

@pamela78 I found this information. Remember, not all suffer side effects. The more serious side effects are only experience by a few people, by law, all the side effects must be noted. Count your husband as one who doesn’t suffer side effects!
Depakote (divalproex sodium) has many possible side effects. Some of the most common ones are nausea and vomiting, headache, and drowsiness. Dizziness, tremors, and vision problems can also occur.
More serious Depakote side effects include liver damage, birth defects, and pancreatitis. Bleeding problems and suicidal thoughts and behavior are also possible.
Most Depakote side effects can be managed at home. But some serious side effects may require a call to your prescriber or emergency care. If you experience severe vomiting, bleeding that won’t stop, or facial swelling, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.

maryvc | @maryvc | Jul 1 5:34am

In reply to @tunared "I'm in the same boat. I sleep with my arm over my wife in case she..." + (show)

I feel for you too. I’m glad you can nap. I’m working on seeing sleep in a different light. Rest and recover throughout the day when I/you can. ❤️

trishcnwma | @trishcnwma | Jul 19 2:31pm

Not sure if you've tried melatonin. I use 5mg doses for my sister. She's up many times during the night with incontinence and bad sundowners (she rearranges things during the night). It's often better when she takes melatonin, which is important for her sleep also.

I use a baby monitor with audio/video so I can jump up and help if she needs it when going to the bathroom. That alone allows me to sleep a little better, knowing that she won't run into issues alone. I got the monitor on a freebie group - you can get a lot on Facebook groups like "Buy Nothing < your local town/area>" and "Everything Free < your local town/area>".

maryvc | @maryvc | Jul 20 9:06am

Melatonin is part of the mix. There is research to show lower doses are better but then others have used up to 10 mg. I’ve lowered his dose of melatonin and continue L theanine and an herbal called Derp Sleep and decreased his trazadone. It’s trial and error. I am working with his doctors ( highly recommend they know what you are doing even if they are not all that helpful).