Georgett12, my heart goes out to you for having endured and survived this horrific experience with your son. There was a time shortly before my only child and son at the age of 16 told me he was gay, that I was in fear that he would commit suicide. On those times in particular I remember sitting on his bed talking to him, telling him I loved him, and looking deeply into his eyes to make contact, real contact with him. We went through many of those times together during the next 3 years. He told me recently at the age of 44, that my sitting with him during those times saved his life because he had wanted to commit suicide. He has been in therapy since that he was 15. He started taking antidepressants when he was in his mid 20's and was not really stable until he got his PhD 2 years ago. I had the great fear most of my life that I would find, or learn that he had killed himself. I cannot imagine what that was like for you Georgette.
I must say that I made the decision to take my own life if I end up with pancreatic cancer, which my mother died from--slowly and extremely painfully over 3 months-- or some other terminal disease. I decided that not only do I not want to go through that pain, but I don't want my family and loved ones to go through that pain either. I told my husband today that if the PET scan I'm having on March 24th shows protein plaques in my brain, I will go thru the research study for which I'm having the scan (lasts for 3 years), but as soon as I show signs of Alzheimers, that's it for me. I don't think any plaques will show, but if they are there I don't want to go through having my brain slowly dissolve until I die. Sometimes we are kinder to our animal pets than we are to humans, making them live through horrendous pain so they die a "natural" death. Of course I would prepare my family and loved ones for my choice, and I will say goodbye to each of them before I take any action. They will know and we can talk about my choice so they know that I love them dearly. If there is ANY chance of a cure, then I will choose to be part of the cure for any disease. That's why I'm participating in this research study for a cure for Alzheimers disease. I am not morose about my decision and I'm not depressed. To me it's just a matter of fact way of dealing with a no win situation. I am not religious, so that simplifies things for me.
I hope you are able to grieve your son's death fully so you can recover from the PTSD you have been experiencing and enjoy your life again. Again, my heart is with you. Love to you, Gail
My wife is enjoying her brand new baby. I really wish I could be there to hold her. I love newborns. I talked with the therapist this morning, and I know that with some time and effort, I'll be able to work on some issues. Right now, I'm at the lowest point I've been for several years, and I don't want to lose the ground that I've made. Major Depressive Disorder is quite different from a funk, or the blues, or a down day. It's something that just doesn't let up. It took me years to step up from a 5 to a 6. Ten would be the greatest day of my life. 5 means that I think about suicide, but mostly as a concept, rather than a compulsion. 6 means that I'm not so focused on death, and I feel up to doing something useful, like yard work or house painting or home improvement projects. When I sit down, the feelings of sadness and guilt and so on, return. I find it hard to feel enjoyment when I finish a job. It's just one more thing to cross off my list. I used to really feel happy when I did that.
I have to get up early to get some new tires put on my pickup, so I need to stop writing and get some sleep. Thanks for listening. Before I leave, though, I need to say that words that are intended to be helpful are often just irritants. Things like be happy, stay active, keep your chin up, keep your eyes on Jesus, think positive thoughts...
Those words tend to make me feel worse, guilty, unsupportive, hopeless. If those things actually helped, I'd be a jolly old man. But they don't. They have the opposite effect of what is intended.
Jimhd, I understand what you mean about the things people say. I have decided recently to be ok with the platitudes as I realize that people want you to feel better so they can feel better themselves. I don't want others to feel bad just because I do, so it's alright for me to accept their wishes for me to feel and be better. They really do mean well.
I believe mental illness is like other diseases, we just have to keep trying. I stay on a rollercoaster ..... not only daily, but off and on during the day. Sometimes it would be wonderful to just stay on the couch and give up. It takes a lot of energy to cope. This is why I try to get outside at some point during the day. Being among people helps me to put my best self forward because I know this is what they want to see. The feelings we have when down are hard to explain. Sometimes when out, I simply walk through a department store, feeling totally alone and still not caring. Do you find yourself wanting to try to explain your feelings? I pull out all the things that have deeply hurt and poke at them to see if they still bleed. I don't blame anyone for things that have happened, I just can't totally trust. I sometimes need someone who could love me unconditionally, but maybe more than this, someone who could find what they need in me. Does this make sense?
Liz223, yes, what you said makes sense to me. I have realized that I just can't retire and do nothing. I have to be needed in some way. Right now my stepdaughter, with whom we live rent - free, asked me to help with the last of renovations to a rental she just bought. I really enjoy having a "job" to go to each day. I am making a contribution to life on the planet. By the way, the little house is turning out great. I like feeling needed. I think we all do in actuality. Just being loved is wonderful, but knowing that you make a contribution in someone's life is the icing on the cake. 😀 Gail
My wife is enjoying her brand new baby. I really wish I could be there to hold her. I love newborns. I talked with the therapist this morning, and I know that with some time and effort, I'll be able to work on some issues. Right now, I'm at the lowest point I've been for several years, and I don't want to lose the ground that I've made. Major Depressive Disorder is quite different from a funk, or the blues, or a down day. It's something that just doesn't let up. It took me years to step up from a 5 to a 6. Ten would be the greatest day of my life. 5 means that I think about suicide, but mostly as a concept, rather than a compulsion. 6 means that I'm not so focused on death, and I feel up to doing something useful, like yard work or house painting or home improvement projects. When I sit down, the feelings of sadness and guilt and so on, return. I find it hard to feel enjoyment when I finish a job. It's just one more thing to cross off my list. I used to really feel happy when I did that.
I have to get up early to get some new tires put on my pickup, so I need to stop writing and get some sleep. Thanks for listening. Before I leave, though, I need to say that words that are intended to be helpful are often just irritants. Things like be happy, stay active, keep your chin up, keep your eyes on Jesus, think positive thoughts...
Those words tend to make me feel worse, guilty, unsupportive, hopeless. If those things actually helped, I'd be a jolly old man. But they don't. They have the opposite effect of what is intended.
My wife is enjoying her brand new baby. I really wish I could be there to hold her. I love newborns. I talked with the therapist this morning, and I know that with some time and effort, I'll be able to work on some issues. Right now, I'm at the lowest point I've been for several years, and I don't want to lose the ground that I've made. Major Depressive Disorder is quite different from a funk, or the blues, or a down day. It's something that just doesn't let up. It took me years to step up from a 5 to a 6. Ten would be the greatest day of my life. 5 means that I think about suicide, but mostly as a concept, rather than a compulsion. 6 means that I'm not so focused on death, and I feel up to doing something useful, like yard work or house painting or home improvement projects. When I sit down, the feelings of sadness and guilt and so on, return. I find it hard to feel enjoyment when I finish a job. It's just one more thing to cross off my list. I used to really feel happy when I did that.
I have to get up early to get some new tires put on my pickup, so I need to stop writing and get some sleep. Thanks for listening. Before I leave, though, I need to say that words that are intended to be helpful are often just irritants. Things like be happy, stay active, keep your chin up, keep your eyes on Jesus, think positive thoughts...
Those words tend to make me feel worse, guilty, unsupportive, hopeless. If those things actually helped, I'd be a jolly old man. But they don't. They have the opposite effect of what is intended.
Hi tallygirl and everybody else! I havent been on the forum since my last post ... Which i think was about not believing that doctors can tell you how long you are going to live. I was in the process of moving to an apartment. But i also have a problem staying connected because i am just not getting any better dealing with this depression. Tomorrow will be the 7th month anniversary of my son's suicide. As i might have posted, i am not getting grief counseling for the PTSD stuff and the continuing nightmares. Small mountain town in colorado that offers no resources and friends and family and everyone else...do not accept the reality that people in this world actually do kill themselves...yep....this strange and totally unacceptable event actually exists! Oh...and that the folks who choose to opt out of life do leave behind people who are severely traumatized to the point where leaving the planet can often sound like a good idea.
I am definitely aware of the consequences of submerging the awfulest of feelings. And i am definitely aware that these feelings are starting to surface. I have discovered that the word suicide is forbidden in much of the society we live in...even though the suicide rate is steadily increasing. Reminds me of the folks who truly believe that if you utter a negative word...that makes it happen. When my one son was born a long time ago...i told him that he is not to be jealous because he has a new baby brother... cause i would always love him as much as always. I did not love the new baby more than him. But my husbands mother had a fit because she thought ...and truly believed....that my sayiny that out loud "would give him that idea." more later guys. Many hugs.
Here i am again. As i was going to say in my silly post about grammar....but didnt...today is the 7th month of my sons death. He hanged himself before i got a chance to fly to chicago to save him. I did call the mobile crisis team there...they sent five cops but they didnt take him and hospitalize him. Thats because he did not actually have the rope around his neck. I am not joking. When i worked in a crisis center ...i found out that the law just will not allow cops and mental health pros to take someone from their home unless they are in IMMEDIATE IN THE MOMENT RIGHT THEN AND THERE READY TO KILL THEMSELVES...OR KILL SOMEONE ELSE....RIGHT WHEN THE COPS BANG ON THEIR DOOR!!!!.
So my son called me in colorado and screamed at me for sending them. And the next day he made good on his plan. He had been researching for a year...the most effective and painless way to kill himself...and he sent me dozens and dozens of texts during that entire time....which i have printed out and have saved.....detailing his findings. But ....in this case....words didnt matter. In this case...the cops needed more....and they certainly got it...as they say..."a picture is worth a thousand words." unfortunately they didnt get to see "the picture". Only the firemen did...when they found him three days later when they broke his door down. And only then...they found him because neighbors complained. Sorry...TRIGGER ALERT!!! I will stop right there. I am hoping very sincerely that my story did not trigger anyone.
Anyway my point is that i did get to chicago and did get to his apartment but, unbeknownst to me and his brother, the landlord had not arranged for the "crime scene" to be cleaned. It was originally a possible murder... As there were reasons to consider this...so they did the whole yellow crime scene tape. I have no idea who cleans apartments after such dastardly deeds...and i guess this poor landlord didnt know either. Anyway i will spare you all and not tell you what i saw and experienced when i opened the door. There are enough cop shows on TV...and i am here to tell you that we need to be eternally grateful for the law and medical and other professionals who work under such extreme circumstances...they are special special people who allow us...the ordinary joe and jane...to not have to deal with such horrific things.
Well...i again have been really wordy here...so i think i will sign off for the moment and watch the latest situation comedy on TV...THE LATEST NEWS FROM THE WHITE HOUSE. Sending hugs to all...love g.
@georgette12 I appreciate your sharing about this very difficult time in your life. We are all rewarded and enlightened by your openness and candor. My one thought is that you did try to help your son by calling the police to talk to him, in other words, you did what you could. I appreciate your participation in our forum! Teresa
Hello @georgette12 and welcome to Mayo Connect. You have joined a wonderful online community of folks who are interested in health topics and sharing information about what has helped and encouraged them. Please feel free to share with us as to what brought you to Mayo Connect. Is there a specific health issue you or a family member/freind is dealing with? All of us came to Mayo Connect as a result of some health-related issue and we have found support and help along the journey. We look forward to getting to know you! Best wishes. Teresa
I too am an alcoholic. I am depressed so much that my world is crumbling down in front of me. I worry about every little thing and that I know doesn't help A thing. Depression runs in my family and I have fought it for many years. It isn't easy but I have a wonderful husband that is supportive and kind. I use alcohol to drown my pain even though I am on medication for depression. My physciatist (I know thats spelt wrong) has told me that alcohol is a downer and try to stay away from it. I don't drink on a constant basis but I have at least one drink every day.
PLEASE LORD SHINE YOUR LOVING LIGHT ON US AND SHOW US THE WAY.
GOD BLESS YOU
Great topic to start, Georgette.
You wrote:
"discussing managing mental health issues as a senior, after a lifelong challenge with this disease. This issue can be further complicated as we age because many people do have memory loss and other symptoms of aging, and it is very difficult to tell the difference between life-long anxiety or depression and other mental health issues.......and age-related symptoms or conditions. Am i feeling depressed because i cannot do the things i used to do, or am i depressed because i do not have chronic depression under control?"
i AM A PEOPLE PERSOn and when our house burned to the ground 3 yearrs ago we moved to a cabin in the woods. There are not too many people around but I have made friends with some. Yes depression is real.............its something that people (including myself) try to hide. I don't want to frighten people away if you know what I mean. I have gone through periods like this before and sometimes they last for a year or so then other times within a few month I am able to deal with them.. Right now I cannot I feel so helpless and weak. Please give me the inner strenghth to deal with this. Encouraging words anything. I really need you all right now I am so down.
GOD BLESS YOU ALL
Great topic to start, Georgette.
You wrote:
"discussing managing mental health issues as a senior, after a lifelong challenge with this disease. This issue can be further complicated as we age because many people do have memory loss and other symptoms of aging, and it is very difficult to tell the difference between life-long anxiety or depression and other mental health issues.......and age-related symptoms or conditions. Am i feeling depressed because i cannot do the things i used to do, or am i depressed because i do not have chronic depression under control?"
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Georgett12, my heart goes out to you for having endured and survived this horrific experience with your son. There was a time shortly before my only child and son at the age of 16 told me he was gay, that I was in fear that he would commit suicide. On those times in particular I remember sitting on his bed talking to him, telling him I loved him, and looking deeply into his eyes to make contact, real contact with him. We went through many of those times together during the next 3 years. He told me recently at the age of 44, that my sitting with him during those times saved his life because he had wanted to commit suicide. He has been in therapy since that he was 15. He started taking antidepressants when he was in his mid 20's and was not really stable until he got his PhD 2 years ago. I had the great fear most of my life that I would find, or learn that he had killed himself. I cannot imagine what that was like for you Georgette.
I must say that I made the decision to take my own life if I end up with pancreatic cancer, which my mother died from--slowly and extremely painfully over 3 months-- or some other terminal disease. I decided that not only do I not want to go through that pain, but I don't want my family and loved ones to go through that pain either. I told my husband today that if the PET scan I'm having on March 24th shows protein plaques in my brain, I will go thru the research study for which I'm having the scan (lasts for 3 years), but as soon as I show signs of Alzheimers, that's it for me. I don't think any plaques will show, but if they are there I don't want to go through having my brain slowly dissolve until I die. Sometimes we are kinder to our animal pets than we are to humans, making them live through horrendous pain so they die a "natural" death. Of course I would prepare my family and loved ones for my choice, and I will say goodbye to each of them before I take any action. They will know and we can talk about my choice so they know that I love them dearly. If there is ANY chance of a cure, then I will choose to be part of the cure for any disease. That's why I'm participating in this research study for a cure for Alzheimers disease. I am not morose about my decision and I'm not depressed. To me it's just a matter of fact way of dealing with a no win situation. I am not religious, so that simplifies things for me.
I hope you are able to grieve your son's death fully so you can recover from the PTSD you have been experiencing and enjoy your life again. Again, my heart is with you. Love to you, Gail
Jimhd, I understand what you mean about the things people say. I have decided recently to be ok with the platitudes as I realize that people want you to feel better so they can feel better themselves. I don't want others to feel bad just because I do, so it's alright for me to accept their wishes for me to feel and be better. They really do mean well.
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1 ReactionLiz223, yes, what you said makes sense to me. I have realized that I just can't retire and do nothing. I have to be needed in some way. Right now my stepdaughter, with whom we live rent - free, asked me to help with the last of renovations to a rental she just bought. I really enjoy having a "job" to go to each day. I am making a contribution to life on the planet. By the way, the little house is turning out great. I like feeling needed. I think we all do in actuality. Just being loved is wonderful, but knowing that you make a contribution in someone's life is the icing on the cake. 😀 Gail
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1 Reaction@gailb Thanks for sharing that good perspective, Gail. Teresa
@jimhd I always appreciate your honesty, Jim. Teresa
@johnjames Thanks for your words that come from your experiences, they make a difference! Teresa
@georgette12 I appreciate your sharing about this very difficult time in your life. We are all rewarded and enlightened by your openness and candor. My one thought is that you did try to help your son by calling the police to talk to him, in other words, you did what you could. I appreciate your participation in our forum! Teresa
I too am an alcoholic. I am depressed so much that my world is crumbling down in front of me. I worry about every little thing and that I know doesn't help A thing. Depression runs in my family and I have fought it for many years. It isn't easy but I have a wonderful husband that is supportive and kind. I use alcohol to drown my pain even though I am on medication for depression. My physciatist (I know thats spelt wrong) has told me that alcohol is a downer and try to stay away from it. I don't drink on a constant basis but I have at least one drink every day.
PLEASE LORD SHINE YOUR LOVING LIGHT ON US AND SHOW US THE WAY.
GOD BLESS YOU
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1 Reactioni AM A PEOPLE PERSOn and when our house burned to the ground 3 yearrs ago we moved to a cabin in the woods. There are not too many people around but I have made friends with some. Yes depression is real.............its something that people (including myself) try to hide. I don't want to frighten people away if you know what I mean. I have gone through periods like this before and sometimes they last for a year or so then other times within a few month I am able to deal with them.. Right now I cannot I feel so helpless and weak. Please give me the inner strenghth to deal with this. Encouraging words anything. I really need you all right now I am so down.
GOD BLESS YOU ALL
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2 Reactions@brit We are all hoping that you find a little bit of light today to brighten your path! Teresa
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