1. < Caregivers: Dementia

My husband at age 57 diagnosed 2 years ago with Alzheimers

Posted by kristinekay @kristinekay, 4 days ago

My mother in law comes to visit my husband at home for a few hours each afternoon while I’m at work. She talks to him like a child…she tells him the little fuzzies in his brain is effecting his memory. Is this right?

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katrina123 | @katrina123 | 4 days ago

Does this bother your husband?

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kristinekay | @kristinekay | 3 days ago

Unsure. He has always been so laid back. Maybe it bothers me more than it does him.

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katrina123 | @katrina123 | 3 days ago

kristinekay,

Your husband was diagnosed at such a young age. I am so sorry. That must be so terribly difficult for you.

My husband was diagnosed with memory issues at 82 and he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's at 87. I have a wonderful family, but I don't think anyone really understands what it is like to live day in and day out with someone who has Alzheimer's.

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kristinekay | @kristinekay | 2 days ago

You are correct. So very painful to watch my husband go through this. I feel guilty leaving him and at times I get frustrated. Hard to work full time, take care of a home by myself and also take care of my husband.

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verol65 | @verol65 | 22 hours ago

So sorry for this early Alzheimer's diagnosis. One should not use infantilizing people with diagnosis of dementia or Alzheimer, whatever their age. It doesn't help and it could hurt their feelings, especially at moments of lucidity.

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greff | @greff | 5 hours ago

I'm so sorry to hear of you husband being diagnosed with Early Onset of Alzheimer's. My wife was diagnosed with Early onset Alzheimer's over 6 years ago at the age of 54. In response to you question of you husband being talked to like he was a small child, I would definitely say that this is belittling to him and he probably knows it. He just can't find the words to say it. My wife was and still can be talked to by nursing home employees the same way. I try to educate them on not talking to my wife like that. Even though they no longer have the ability to find their words or have significant cognitive impairment, they still know the difference. Before my wife could no longer talk coherently, she would try to let people know by mimicing ( did I spell that right🤔) them or would shush them. She would also roll her eyes. I think most people do not know how to act around dementia patients so they default to treating them like they are a child and also like the are deaf. They talk slow and very loud around my wife as well. She has shushed so many staff members at the nursing home that most of them have finally figured out not to speak like she cannot hear. They do this, I suppose, thinking that this will help them understand. Which we both know that it won't. It just creates anxiety and frustration for them. I would also say that a lot of folks that take care of my wife do not understand that by shooting repetitive commands at my wife, that she will catch on to what they are saying. Again, this is very counter productive. It only creates more chaos in their mind. Allowing more time for dementia patients to process the information given them, is way more beneficial. Even if their short and long term memory is gone. In that case, it doesn't matter how many times a person directs them. Calmly talking and physically guiding them while telling them what you are doing is more beneficial, at least it is for my wife.
I kind of went off on a long winded response. Sorry about that. I just know the frustration that spouses can feel when others don't know how to communicate with our loved ones. Lastly, I just want to say that I never get upset with these folks, or even my family if they do these things. Rather, I use the situation as a teaching moment, redirecting them to another means to communicate.
God bless you and I hope all who have a loved one with Alzheimers takes the time to ask for help from God and others. This disease is an ongoing daily grief process of saying goodbye to our precious loved one. It is the longest goodbye I have ever had to say. My wife no longer can do anything by herself and has been in a nursing home for the last year. I took care of her 24/7 for almost 6 years but could no longer lift and support her while bathing and her needs were more than I could provide at home. But I am so grateful that God has allowed me to see my wife early in the morning to still feed her breakfast and also feed her supper every day. What a gift that is. Take care and God bless.🙏
Oh, and you are the expert on how your husband should be treated. You know him best and others could learn a lot from listening to you.👊

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1 reply
oldgoat | @oldgoat | 45 minutes ago
In reply to @greff "I'm so sorry to hear of you husband being diagnosed with Early Onset of Alzheimer's. My..." + (show)
@greff

I'm so sorry to hear of you husband being diagnosed with Early Onset of Alzheimer's. My wife was diagnosed with Early onset Alzheimer's over 6 years ago at the age of 54. In response to you question of you husband being talked to like he was a small child, I would definitely say that this is belittling to him and he probably knows it. He just can't find the words to say it. My wife was and still can be talked to by nursing home employees the same way. I try to educate them on not talking to my wife like that. Even though they no longer have the ability to find their words or have significant cognitive impairment, they still know the difference. Before my wife could no longer talk coherently, she would try to let people know by mimicing ( did I spell that right🤔) them or would shush them. She would also roll her eyes. I think most people do not know how to act around dementia patients so they default to treating them like they are a child and also like the are deaf. They talk slow and very loud around my wife as well. She has shushed so many staff members at the nursing home that most of them have finally figured out not to speak like she cannot hear. They do this, I suppose, thinking that this will help them understand. Which we both know that it won't. It just creates anxiety and frustration for them. I would also say that a lot of folks that take care of my wife do not understand that by shooting repetitive commands at my wife, that she will catch on to what they are saying. Again, this is very counter productive. It only creates more chaos in their mind. Allowing more time for dementia patients to process the information given them, is way more beneficial. Even if their short and long term memory is gone. In that case, it doesn't matter how many times a person directs them. Calmly talking and physically guiding them while telling them what you are doing is more beneficial, at least it is for my wife.
I kind of went off on a long winded response. Sorry about that. I just know the frustration that spouses can feel when others don't know how to communicate with our loved ones. Lastly, I just want to say that I never get upset with these folks, or even my family if they do these things. Rather, I use the situation as a teaching moment, redirecting them to another means to communicate.
God bless you and I hope all who have a loved one with Alzheimers takes the time to ask for help from God and others. This disease is an ongoing daily grief process of saying goodbye to our precious loved one. It is the longest goodbye I have ever had to say. My wife no longer can do anything by herself and has been in a nursing home for the last year. I took care of her 24/7 for almost 6 years but could no longer lift and support her while bathing and her needs were more than I could provide at home. But I am so grateful that God has allowed me to see my wife early in the morning to still feed her breakfast and also feed her supper every day. What a gift that is. Take care and God bless.🙏
Oh, and you are the expert on how your husband should be treated. You know him best and others could learn a lot from listening to you.👊

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greff, My situation with my wife was so similar to yours. I also cared for her at home until I could not and I too was grateful for being able to feed and help her daily in the nursing home. She has passed now and I am grateful that she no longer suffers like did. Your a good man and husband to do all you do for her and yet consider it a gift. God bless you and your wife.

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